How do I deal with a friend who seems to be obsessive and manipulative because of their autism spectrum disorder?

Asked by rockfan (14627) November 25th, 2019 from iPhone

I apologize for the overly long personal rant, but I’d love to get some advice on this situation. I’ve mentioned this before on here once, but I thought I’d share an update.

Two years ago I was confused about my sexuality. Thinking I was bisexual, I decided to go to an LGBT support group. There, I met a friend named Alan. We talked for a bit and discovered we shared some similar interests. We knew each other there for a few months until we decided to hang out a few times, and on our third time hanging out, I discovered he had aspergers. Naively, for the next few months I thought we were just friends. I then realized he thought we we were in a relationship, and I thought at the time that it couldn’t hurt to try.

But as we hung out more I realized I wasn’t attracted to him. At all. Knowing he had Aspergers, I assumed he was going to have a tantrum if I told him the truth, and he did, when I eventually told him. I specifically told him that I’m on the Kinsey scale, that I’m romantically and physically attracted to women, while I’m only moderately physically attracted to men, but not in a way where I could be in a long term relationship with a man. He accused me of leading him on and lying to him. Which I understood and profusely apologized. However, I didn’t tell him that I never initially wanted to truly go out with him. I also explained to him that I still wanted to be friends.

For the next few months we hung out a lot. And I had a sneaking suspicion that he thought I changed my mind. He acted like we were going out, but only vaguely, and I just didn’t know how to deal with it. I was afraid he was going to harm himself or me. Two months passed and I told him the same thing again. He reacted the same exact way, but this time he tried to make me feel guilty by saying his cousin is getting married and that he feels jealous, and that I should change my mind and be with him so he can be happy just like his cousins. Obviously this was getting to a point where he is absolutely in denial or delusional. He doesn’t care how I feel about him romantically, as long as we’re together and I don’t date any women.

But a lot of this is really my fault, because I decided to still be friends with him. I realized at this point that I did not like him anymore, and I should have cut off the friendship right then and there.

A few more months passed and today, I mentioned again that we are just friends. Same exact response. I even called the Trevor hotline with him and the caller explained to Alan that indeed I was confused about my sexuality and that now Alan needs to accept that I don’t want to be in a romantic relationship. We talked further and he still doesn’t understand.

I feel like now if I end the friendship, I’ll have an official stalker on my hands. He wants to get my family involved and try to persuade my parents to talk me into being in a relationship with him. He also admitted that he has heterophobia. I just don’t know what to do .

Thanks in advance.