What is his behavior trying to say? Does he play mind games or what?

Asked by Bellezzz (98) December 23rd, 2019 from iPhone

Hey there, my boyfriend tends to have this hot and cold behavior (this is how I see it), I’ve been going through a hard time with my boyfriend a lot of things happened to him like the lost of his ex-wife which he divorced like 7 years ago, had according to him a friendship with her after the divorce ( their marriage was a hot mess, lots of issues, this woman had outbursts) etc.

She did not last 1 month with her illness and she died, he was there for her and even though he had no feelings for her, this hit him hard (he has guilty conscience cause he cheated on her and they were just separated but not divorced, so it’s something that he has not been able to forgive himself of.

Anyways it’s been 6 months and he has not got over it, at the beginning of her death he just cried too much until like 2 months ago.

The point is after all this dilemma, I just feel like he does not truly love me, he says he does but I feel he still lives on his past and has not really gotten over her death or his life with her( this woman was 14 years older than him( he is 48 now,) she was 60, and I am 31.

I feel as if he does not truly love me neither will he marry me or have kids with me.He has this weird behavior for moments and I can see it in his face.

By the way, why do I feel this so much? Does it mean I am being insecure or that I am feeling his vibes? And why would he be with me( he has the knight in shining armor problem) he never wants to be the bad guy) so I assume that maybe this is why he wont break up with me, I don’t understand any of this.