Is she really not in love with me?

Asked by Famous89 (7) February 15th, 2020 from iPhone

Hi,

sorry for the lengthy text but it’s for context.
I hooked up with a girl who’s also my coworker. We weren’t really a couple but we texted, had phone calls and got intimate on multiple occasions. I may be wrong but I’m sure there was more between us than that. We had deep conversations and opened up to each other on an emotional level but neither of us confessed his love to the other. One day, all of a sudden she called the whole thing off. It caught me off guard. I asked her what I did wrong and her only explanation was that she didn’t think our thing was going anywhere. She needed to protect herself from getting hurt. I had no clue what she was talking about because in the months we were seeing each other we didn’t fight once. A couple of weeks later I told her that I did fall for her but was too afraid to confess it to her since I had to be sure she was the one. She then told me she met somebody else and that she wanna try it with him. Her wish was to stay friends though because she really liked me. I tried to tell her that it won’t work since she has someone new now she’s gonna be intimate with and who’s she gonna have these deep conversations with. However I went along with it because she meant so much to me. Oddly enough she really was still very open to me and talked to me about very personal stuff. Stuff you wouldn’t share with a regular friend. I was confused because here’s a girl who’s in a relationship but still shares private things with me. That’s what led me to shower her with compliments, text messages and gifts etc. in hope to win her back. Also being there for her whenever she needed help. Of course it didn’t work though. I confronted her which resulted in a big fight. I was still mad at her for not giving me closure but yet she acts as everything is perfectly fine. She elaborated that she made a decision for herself and I had to accept it. It’s been almost a year now and we are on good terms but there are instances where we still fight about the whole situation. Like I mentioned in the beginning we are coworkers and maybe that’s the reason she wanna make it work between us but if that was her sole reason she wouldn’t have breakfast and lunch with me every day. Most of the time she tells me that we can’t hang out with each other if I keep bringing up the subject about me loving her. Yet we still find back to each other, reconcile and maintain our break sessions. We still talk about private stuff and we also still have these moments when I playfully draw on her arm for example or go through her hair. However the after work texting stopped. She realized that she couldn’t text or have phone calls with me anymore since it would be unfair to her boyfriend.
A couple of weeks ago it escalated very big again when I told her that my wish for her was to one day waking up next to her boyfriend and realizing that he isn’t the right choice. “How could you say that, I didn’t think you were this evil, I could never ever be with you, that chapter is closed, you are so self-centered“, bla bla. I replied that yes I am self-centered when it comes to loving her. That the real life isn’t like a movie where the guy who didn’t get the girl wishes her all the best with her current guy when in truth he still loves her. For your information this always happens in our work place – in my or her office. Anyway, I later apologized with a lengthy text but she didn’t reply. We didn’t see each other the next day but I did give her a call (work place). She said that she was done with me because she didn’t think that we could come back from what has happened and she didn’t think I would stop telling her how much I loved her. The very next day we saw each other, sat beside each other since it was a coworkers birthday but didnt exchange any words. I then called her to ask if she wanted to talk after work to resolve the whole thing. She first agreed to it but called me again a couple of minutes later to tell me that her plans changed and that her bf is going to pick her up right after work. She came by my office before our shift ended and wished me a nice weekend and vacation.
I had two weeks off and during that period she called me on four days – from her service telephone. Three days in a row and one day during my second week off. She claimed it was because she needed my advice on her upcoming job interview for her promotion. That job interview was indeed about to happen during my absence but still. It is strange that she so casually picks up the phone to contact me after that huge fight we didn’t really resolve.

I can’t be crazy guys. She has deep feelings for me right?