Have I made the right choice?

Hello everyone, it’s been a long time since I’ve actually been on here. This question is going to be really long and there’s some talk of previous abuse so if you can’t read stuff like that then I would urge you to not go any farther.

So, I’m not sure if anyone that is on here now was on here back when I first made an account, but I’m still posting this here because it is the only place I actually feel comfortable asking this. Nobody that I know in real life actually knows about this site as far as I’m aware.

Anyway, so back in 2012, I answered a question about people who were sexually abused. “Did you report them or not – why/why not?” Was the gist of it. Since I was a minor at the time, the mods (namely Augustlan and a few others) actually helped me by contacting CPS.

I was asked to come to the CPS building and explain my side of the situation, essentially. I told them everything that had happened and then the person walked out of the room. A few minutes later, they came back and asked if I had anything else to add.

I told them that I had made it all up and that I was just confused because I thought it was a dream.

There was really nothing they could do to put him away because I gave them that doubt.

I did it on purpose. You see, at the time, my family was in a difficult financial situation in which we needed to move out of our current place and go back to our hometown.

My dad, the abuser, was our sole financial support at the time, and if we were going to ever move out of the hellhole we were in then he would need to be the one to bring in money.

I realized this at the time, and I made a really difficult decision to just let it go.

I still live with both of my parents right now, and often times I ask myself if I made the right decision all of those years ago.

He has not laid even a single hand on me since then. I know that it tears him up inside knowing how he hurt me. It’s ruined my parents’ sexual relationship and the father-daughter relationship we had before everything. I understand why he did what he did to me, but at the same time it still hurts.

It really tears me up inside sometimes to think about what would have happened if I told the truth and he went away? How would I be different? Would I have healed faster knowing that he was out of our lives? I’m sorry this was so long but I feel like I really need help with these answers and Fluther is really the only place I can ask.

Thank you for reading this and any responses will be appreciated.