Why must I be so abused and persecuted?

Asked by stanleybmanly (24153) February 24th, 2021 from iPhone

I was sitting in the living room when these howls of uncontrollable laughter erupted from the wife in her big room of “hobbies”. I found her at her quilting table bent over red faced still laughing and apparently nearly choking from the exertion. She just pointed to the table. I looked, and there was an opened envelope face down. On the back in large script was written “DON’T SHOW THIS TO STAN”. A foot or so to the left of it lay a birthday card which read “I wanted to get you something impractical and frivolous for your birthday”. I picked up the card and opened it for the punchline: “But you already have Stan!”

My friends, I am devastated, and know that I can turn to you in this— another moment of humiliation defining my life of torment. Feel free to express your sympathies with the appropriate baked goods to render the solace I must certainly deserve.