Should women fear rape 24/7/365?

This question reminded me of a situation I recently had. It’s a little bit long, so please bear with me.

My HS class has a FB group and one of our class members had sent me PM in 2020 saying hello. Since my husband had died fairly recently, I never answered that PM. I also don’t check FB frequently. A couple of months ago, he posted a few of his drawings and I was really impressed by how skillful he was, so I sent him a PM complimenting his work. I wasn’t really expecting an answer right away, but he did answer immediately, and we started to chat through FB messenger and catch up a little. He mentioned that he had a recent break up with one of our old classmates and drawing and coloring was helping him to ease his mind. During the chat we found out he was in NC and I am in SC so, we decided to get together for lunch that coming weekend. I still have our yearbook and although I remembered him well, I checked it just to get more detail about him because we had not been close or hung out together in those days. During our chat he said something along the lines of: “Not a date, we’re going to start as friends, and see how it goes.” I though, O.K., how did we get from not talking for 40 years and getting together for lunch to using the word dating? Flabbergasting! I told him that dating was the last thing on my mind as I was still mourning the passing of my beloved husband. He said sure, I’m not ready either, I’m still very heartbroken from my recent break up.

As planned, we met for lunch and then decided to go somewhere else for coffee. Since it didn’t make sense to take both cars, we went to the coffee place in his car. I got in a car with someone that I hadn’t seen in 40 years because I trusted him.

The following weekend was Memorial Day and we decided to have a BBQ in his house (2hrs away)—I really wanted to meet his MIL, son and dogs. We agreed he would pick me up in the morning and drive me back in the evening. We exchanged texts the night before and he said: “Where should I pick you up? I was typing my home address, but before I hit send, he said: “Are you comfortable with me coming there? Because it is your apartment. I want to be respectful of your space. Some women are uncomfortable with guys knowing where they live. Me? I’m not necessarily a scary guy. Just wanted to give you the choice. Obviously, we’re comfortable with each other…”

I freaked out and got a strong gut feeling. I told him I could not understand where he was coming from. I was going to be in his car for a few hours, away from my area, I was going to be in his house for the day for God’s sake and he is asking me all that? I was really upset and confused. Was I not supposed to trust him? Was I not seeing red flags? Was I not acting like a sensible woman? Needless to say, it totally put me off and I canceled the whole thing and that was that.

What do you think of his words and my giving him my address and then canceling?

Should I think of rape/danger every time I interact with men?

What would you have done?