Question for those who experience depression...

If you are or have been clinically depressed or diagnosed with bipolar disorder, have there ever been times when you question your own depression?

I’m wandering around, doing this and that, and feeling miserable, but I don’t tell anyone. Why? Maybe I don’t even believe in my own feelings? I want to be normal,and do what I’m supposed to do, and I feel like I can’t do it, but I try to suck it up, and soldier on through.

This makes me wonder if I’m faking my own depression to myself. If I can fake my way through life, then maybe I’m faking my depression to myself so I can gain my own self-pity? It sounds crazy to me, but I don’t understand why I can’t either just go and be depressed, or just throw it off. Why is always this kind of inbetween state and I don’t know what’s what with this?