Is there a camcorder that meets these specifications?

Budget: Under 250
FPS: 32 or higher, 30 is acceptable is all others are met
Quality: HD preferred (720p up), NO BLU-RAY (unless video can be recorded as a different file type, or I may be an idiot)
Shape: No crappy vertical cameras, I need something thats comfortable to hold and steady
Memory: Has to be able to hold 2 GB (whether it needs an SD card to achieve this, I don’t care)
Battery: Over 1 hour of shooting per charge, preferably two, with the ability to charge via USB
Other options:Direct downloading to my computer, ability to capture TV footage (not LIVE TV, like video game footage for reviews and michinima)

Is this mythical camera out there somewhere? If there is, post a link in your answer. If you find something that meets at least 5 of the 7, give me the link anyway.