Etiquette question - how do I handle this gift?

Since my father died, I’ve had two relative send me checks, in order to “smooth things over” during our time of need. Basically, that is what both cards said. The same two family members, sent them to my mother, as well. I’m not sure if my sister received the same. The checks were not small checks, either.

The first one, I did give back, right away – the person arrived the very next day and I was able to explain my reason. That relative has since made a donation to the charity we designated.

This one, it’s not going to be that easy and I will need to mail the check back. It was suggested that I send a personal check back, deduct an amount for the donation and mail the “balance” back to the person. I don’t want to do it that way. I want to return the entire amount.

We don’t need the money, nor do I want the money. If I simply say thank you, but no thank you. It will turn into a complete family matter and I want to spare my mother the drama. She still has her check, but plans on returning it, as well. I don’t know how she’s handling it, she just hasn’t wanted to discuss it – I don’t blame her.

Suggestions? Also, is that normal – to send money?? I’ve never head of this, before!