Boyfriend with BPD - is it possible to have a rewarding relationship?

Hi all, I’ve been dating this guy for 5 going on 6 months. He has all the sypmtoms of BPD, we got involved really fast, really intense, he’s super loving and attentive, was delcaring love after 1 months, proposing marriage after 2 months, wanted to live together at 5 or 6 months. I never heard of BPD and wasn’t aware of the signs and symptoms. Having just gotten out of a very neglectful relationship, I was starved for the attention and hence..well, you know.

He was here on a job contract so his actual residence was out of state. Early in March he moved his residence from East Coast to West Coast, transferred himself with his job (the unknown) to move in with me. After he was moved in, I realized it was too early and suggested he get his own place while we continued to date, as we had early on.

Well as you can imagine, he went into episode mode. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve never been afraid of anyone before. I was sleeping at different friends houses for a week. I had to change my phone number and got a restraining order just in case. I found out later that he doesn’t have any violence in his background, no domestic violence, no assault, or anything. It was more the intensity and unpredictability (plus the daily 35 or more text messages and phone calls). Long story short, we had three weeks where it looked as though we’d cut each other loose and it was over. Being unarmed with the necessary information and my own issues (which I’m in therapy for), I’ve allowed myself to get hoovered back in. It’s not full blown, I’ve set up some stringent boundaries that he’s respecting although he’s wanting to break them down a little here, a little there.

He’s in his nice phase now, he started seeing a therapist, owned up to having BPD, didn’t tell me before but said he’s been diagnosed with it twice in his lifetime. Thought he “had it licked”. Claims full responsibility for his actions, needing to get therapy, meds, says he understands this is for life – he will always need therapy, meds. Yada yada. My trust has been blown and my heart is not open although I’m still talking to him and saw him a lot over this past weekend.

My question is, oh and this guy is 46, has 2 grown kids, has been married 4 times, (one of the marriages was 13 years), is it possible to have a worthwhile relationship with someone who has BPD? I’m ready to end it because of all I’ve read, knowing that I don’t want to be anywhere near episode mode again. If he’s on meds, is this likely? I know everyone is different. Since he’s in “nice” mode now, I’m struggling with the idea of breaking it off knowing he will go into episode mode again, but I’m thinking for myself that I don’t think I can take a rocky rollercoaster relationship, someone this needy and controlling, and thinking that episode mode could be just around the corner (even with meds) I am thinking I need to cut it loose now and never look back. He’s had issues with alcohol too, and since he’s on meds, that’s been significantly reduced. I keep reading everything I can on BPD and I just don’t think I’m up for the task but that in itself is playing with me because I’ve never ended with anyone because of something like this. “Oh you have this so I’m outta here”. But it sounds like with THIS, I need to.

It hurts that he’s in “nice” mode right now and that’s wonderful. He’s being so attentive again and all. But I keep trying to put that into perspective too, telling myself it’s not real, and that the bad IS coming and it could be worse next time. Does anyone have any insight? Is out the only answer with BPD? I’m right on the edge of ending it and never looking back but something inside still pulls…