When do you stop being a supportive friend?

I have had a great friend for 14 years. He has had a girlfriend for 4 years. I have become close to the girlfriend over the years, and through their volatile relationship, I have provided my support and advice to both of them. About two years ago, the relationship began to spin out of control. At this time and ever since then they both have come to me when they are fighting. I listen to both sides, I give my advice, I support, I counsel them that this isn’t healthy and that they would both be happier if they just let each other go.

There was a serious blow out a few days ago, and from what I understand she has been very violent and aggressive towards him in front of his four year old son. (The child is from a previous relationship of his, and it isn’t the first time she has hit him in front of the kid). During the fight she became violent and threatening.

I no longer feel as though it is my job as a go between counselor. I am pathetically committed to peace and non-violent methods of communication. I believe that domestic violence can go both ways, and women can be as equally as intimidating and violent as men. I’m afraid I have lost a lot of respect for both of them. I do not respect violence. And I do not respect letting your children see repeated acts of violence and not doing anything about it.

So when do you call it quits with friends? How far do I push my own values in my life? Just because I believe in something passionately, does that mean that I should require it from those around me? Or do I just make it clear that I am no longer interested in dealing with or hearing about their relationship problems? He says that it is over now, but it has been over 50 times before and I don’t believe it.