I need advice about how to deal with my exgirlfriend?

4 months into our relationship things were going crazy, we were both very unstable and both probably not ready to even be in a relationship. We both tried to break up with each other many times but we always failed at it and stayed together. Both of our esteems dropped terribly and one day I found a woman who made me feel good about myself again. I decided to sleep with her and break it off w/ her. I saw it as a quick ejection seat out of the relationship.

It was a one-night stand w/ that one girl, and I did break up with my girlfriend. A month later we were together again, even cheating couldn’t separate us. I told her we will not be officially ‘together’ and in my point of view, we had a great year and some change together. In her point of view I was a terrible mean jerk(who cheated) and was blinded by love. I find this out 2 months ago.

Interesting thing is, I am now the one blinded by love and she is the one that doesn’t want to officially be ‘together’. She has gotten very busy and distant from me and I really want to treat her the way I should had 2 years ago. She won’t give me the chance, but yet whenever I try to wish her good luck w/ her life and leave her in peace she tells me she still loves me and doesn’t want me to go. This has been dragging out or the past 2 months. She is talking to other people ‘cute guys’ online in which she claims she has no interest in.

I’ve been going a bit nuts, lets face it these cuter guys online are more suited for her than I am, and hell they look cuter too (i’d even bang em). I get paranoia about her just trying to get all the ducks in a row w/ these guys before she cuts me loose. Every time I ask her about any questions directly about us she says a lot of “I dont knows” “I don’t know what to say” “I need time to think” etc…

I love her as much as i would expect a groom to love his fiancée the seconds before he says “I do”

which is why i want to do the right thing, and I don’t know what that is. Sometimes I feel she is dragging it out mostly out of confusion and memory of my unfaithfulness and how much of a terrible person I became afterwards. I feel she is to busy for me, and i feel she has better options. Sometimes I feel she just needs some time getting her life in order to take me seriously again. The best chance at a good life I can possibly see for her is for me not to be in it. And i want to do leave her for her sake… But each time I try she shows affection which makes it impossible.

Should I stick around and wait till she find somebody else so she can live on peacefully? (Terribly Terribly difficult, in the past 2 months i’ve become a hollow shell of a man) Should I try to practice patience and pray that she’ll one day feel about me the way she used to? Is the right thing to do to stop talking to her as so we can both begin the healing process? Should I buy her something designer so that the love for a material object is associated with myself? (hah…)