How long does it take you to go from realizing that you need to do something to actually doing it?

I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I am not going to get the positive feedback that I want from my husband. It’s not how he is and that’s that. I’m not going to change him and I need to stop looking for something that isn’t there. There are many other good qualities about him that I do love. It’s really just this one thing. (Yes, I know it’s my self-esteem issue at this point. No, I’m not looking for advice on how to change him. Yes, I’m working on me. No, I’m not looking for ideas about how to “feel better about myself.” That’s what the therapist is for.)

I don’t have the foggiest how long this is going to take for me, in terms of both time and mental realization that I’m not going to get what I want. Flutherites, do you have any thoughts on this? Have you been in a situation where you know you have to stop beating your head against a wall and but are struggling to stop? What was your turning point?