Did I handle my family issue inappropriately?

Asked by ItalianPrincess1217 (11979) December 7th, 2009 from iPhone

I consider my family fairly close and for the most part everyone gets along. But there is one bad seed. My cousin’s girlfriend (if we can even call her a girlfriend). These two have a child together and live together but beyond that, they hate one another. This girl (we’ll call her Sara) is a very immature, very crazy woman. She is constantly lying and manipulating. It was just discovered that she has been having sex for money (and bringing her 3 yr old son along with her). I have tried numerous times to be polite to her and have conversations with her but I get the cold shoulder. However, she will talk to my fiancé.

Recently I had decided (due to some dirty glances and rude comments Sara made at the last family party) that she would be on my “shit list” from that point on. I will no longer put on a happy face around her and pretend all is well between us. I don’t agree with her lifestyle. I don’t agree with her choice to have sex for money and endanger that poor child of hers. I don’t agree with how she tries to pin the family against each other by spreading lies and gossip.

So while I was making out the Christmas cards this year, I left her name off. I knew she might be upset but I was willing to accept that. However, now she has gone and told my family about what happened and is trying to make me look like the bad guy. I’m suddenly feeling a bit silly and immature.

Did I handle this in an immature manner? Obviously I can’t reverse what is already done but where do I go from here? It’s agreed that my whole family dislikes this girl but somehow when drama starts, she finds a way to flip it on the other person. And it looks like that’s what she did to me. We have an upcoming Christmas party which she will be attending. It will be awkward. Do I even show up? How about my wedding invitations? Must I include her?My family claims that she won’t show anyway but that I do need to invite her out of curtesy. It will really bring down the atmosphere if she did decide to show. The only person who is 100% standing by my side is my mother. She doesn’t disagree with my choice to leave her name off the xmas card and she doesn’t want her at my wedding either. What now? I refuse to let this crazy woman ruin my relationship between my family and I!