Trapped in a miserable life...

I am 37 years old, female, never been married. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. To fill the emptiness in my soul, I spent and spent and spent. I have never moved out of my parents home, I used to rent an apartment from them, but had to give it up because I got into so much debt, I owe 60,000 dollars. I am a public school teacher and hate it. I hate where I live. I am a failure and often think of suicide. I have seen therapists for 16 years, been on every medication you can name. I don’t think I will ever get married or have a child, because I rarely go out. At this age it is difficult to make friends. Others who are normal have gone on with their lives (friends I had). Though I’m happy for them, I feel like I missed the bus. I am terrified of the path my life is taking, I wake up in panic and fear every day. I have had boyfriends in the past none of which worked out, mostly because I pick either abusive men, or I become too needy, hoping someone will save me. I don’t need pity, I do need advice, step by step advice on what to do to change my life. I feel emotionally dead, physically my body goes through the daily routine. Lately, to numb my pain, I have resorted to xanax and vicodin. This can’t go on for much longer. I’d appreciate any help
Thank You