Don't you wish you could be married (or in long-term/common law relationship) but not have to live in the same house/space with your partner?

When I was a university student and fell in love, I told the boy I was with that I never wanted to live with a man. I just wanted to buy a duplex (semi-detached in UK) and he could live on one side and I would live on the other.

Years later, we spoke and he said that he thought I was “crazy” for saying that back then, but that now that he had been through one marriage that didn’t last and he was so protective of his space, he totally understood what I meant.

In the last two years, I have read articles of couples who are chooosing to live apart…for their sanity, for creative reasons…and “just because”. Usually it is the woman who instigates/suggests the change.

Having been married (and not), having lived together (and not)...I have become so possessive of my own space and my own time. I like not having to pick up his stinky socks off the floor, wonder if he will think I’m crazy if I watch an episode of “Sex in the City” for the hundredth time or think I am lazy if I just want to lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling after another surreal phone conversation with my mother. I like decorating with roses and lace and not have to try to fit in a five foot wide television set in the living room. (It wasn’t always this way——I was a lot more accomodating when I had to be…but I’m ornery now that I am older.)

I realize there are men out there that are “fantastic” and you couldn’t bear being apart from him for a day, but as I mature, I really like my own space and my own time to do as I please. But sometimes, I still would to be in an exclusive relationship/marriage. I just wouldn’t want to live with that person. He could live next door or down the street or in the next apartment, just not with me. Do you remember that scene from “When Harry Met Sally” with the couple fighting over the wagon wheel coffee table he brought with him (when he moved in with her) that she didn’t want in her house? Exactly. I just think you can absolutely love and cherish someone, but not have to live with them..that you could be married (or almost married) and not have to share a space. But I’m Aquarian, it’s not how everyone feels. I mean, you can have “sleepovers”, just not all the time. :)

I talked to a friend about this and we came to the conclusion that after 40 and when a women’s kids are grown (or almost there), and after a lifetime of caretaking everyone else….a lot of women really do long for time/space on their own.

Do you ever feel this way? That you wish you could be in a monogamous relationship or marriage but not live together and have to share bathroom shelves? Maybe you are, already, if so, I hope you will report on who it’s working/not working. If not, would you consider doing it if given the chance?