Would you rather live in a broken home or a split home?

My entire life has been spent in a broken home. My father is an alcoholic and my mother has tried to commit suicide by pills when I was a young one. I am seventeen now. It seems each as each month passes by, I learn more and more about how my family is so broken, considering the interactions between my mother and father with my aunt,uncle, grandma, grandpa and so on. It really isn’t cheerful stuff, though it explains why each of them treat me the way they do.

My father’s alcoholism is a huge problem for us, he spends so much money and often does drugs. Unfortunately, my highschool life has elucidated me on drugs, and now I know exactly what drugs he is on. It’s really depressing. When he’s sober or in withdrawl from some fked up shit, he’s a really scary guy.

My mom spends so much money on shit we dont need. She is especially crazy on the off day, and she is very volatile. She and my father fight a lot, and it really gets over the top sometimes.

these fights and the instability and non-constant peace in my home doesn’t make me very happy. i am fearful of bringing friends over, in fear of my drunk dad embarrassing me. im afraid to tell anyone of anything related to me, and that makes me seem very distant and cold. i know that. i choose to be like that though. having relationships with the opposite sex is difficult too, as my parents often remind me of how romances can turn out.

my siblings are probably as fucked up as i am, but i wouldn’t know. i’m not close to anyone.

i often wonder how things would turn out if my parents actually carried out the so called divorce they have been “discussing” over the past fifteen years.

things arent getting better. my dad cheated on my mom more than once. he beat her. they beat us. there are much more heinous acts they have committed, but i shall not tell you folk about it. she knows it. we know it. nothing is done. i dont understand why my parents make us go through this. its hard and its extremely detrimental to our (my brother, sister and i) mental health. i hate them for it. they fucked up our life.

right now i’m looking on the forward, but it still hurts.

im tired of choosing sides. i want to drive my own life. fuck off aunti, fuck off uncle, fuck off grandma, fuck off dad, fuck off mom.

im gonna become what i want.

i can see the long term effects fucking me up, and it probably will/have already.

im full of anguish, and i feel as if this is not typical teenage angst, as i have felt it since a young age.

broken homes are terrible. if you are causing a broken home, please split it. don’t let your home get broken, the weather is never enjoyable.