Is it okay to see my life as a joke...

Is it fine for a person like me to think my life’s one huge joke. Today is the one month anniversary of my friends death. I hate myself for that reason. I have Multiple Myeloma Stage 3, my hair has been falling out, I feel sick all of the time. I hate talking to my friends because they have nothing constructive or fun to talk about. They have no sympathy..NO HEARTS! I don’t care if I live or die anymore. I mean if the cancer doesn’t get me, I’m sure with my luck I’ll probably die soon anyway. I can tell I am starting to become so hatefilled. I act sweet, but I hate all most everyone in my life. I can’t go to the university I want to because I have to stay here. My family is selfish and literally loves making my mom and I feel like trash. They tell her it’s my fault for getting cancer, and that I should pay the hospital bills myself. I work and do help pay for my bills. ugh, what do I do?