I am not coping with my "failure" this month at work.

Our Company is six months old. Despite having “restraints of trade” (long story) on my client base (people I worked with in the past). I managed to lead each month with production. I guess I am success driven. For a while I did not produce and I became quite ill. I had a breakdown in fact. This was in my last career not this one. I was ready to face this challenge. I have done well considering not being able to call on clients that could bring in large amounts of business. But we are trying to find ways around this.

There has been so much drama at work. On top of it all. A female there who was not doing so well, tried to close our company down her motivation was so sue us. This has caused all sorts of implications like cliques. I am not sure why I am even writing all this information. I guess it’s relevancy is in that I have had to put up with people being spiteful because I was doing so well. Bad office environments and so on. But, my production or lack of is not caused by that. It’s just “one of those months”.

Here is my question. I feel gutted. I feel like every one is glad that I am not doing well. I have congratulated everyone that did well, even though when I was no one else did. I guess it’s a pride issue. I think deep down inside I am scared I fall back into that black hole I have just crept out of and never have a good month again. As I have taken too many knocks over the last few years. I need to get this into perspective. Thanks.