Is there shame that has a point? Is most shame useless?

In this quip, @phillis says, ”It works best if I just come clean and stay clean. My issues don’t look nearly as big and badass if I bring them out into the daylight instead of shoving them in the closet and keeping the door closed. I learned that you can hide in shame, or illuminate your own issues to help other people not feel so badly about thier own. It was THE best decision I could have possibly made. My pointless shame was cured.”

I think that not all shame can be pointless shame. Some of it must have a point, or else why wouldn’t we all do as @phillis has done? I think it is probably the case that there is a lot of pointless shame out there. People are afraid to reveal things about themselves that no one else actually cares about.

However I think there is shame about some things—cheating, theft, murder come to mind—where shame is quite justified. You’ll get jailed or shunned if you come out with it.

My question is whether you can provide examples of things that people are shamed by that you think they shouldn’t be shamed by, as well as examples of shames that are entirely justified. I’m trying to get a better understanding of the gray area between those points. If someone can propose an example that fits the gray area, that would be great. People could discuss its merits.

For example, should you be ashamed of a white lie that keeps you out of minor trouble? Should you be ashamed of not caring about your fellow human? Should you be ashamed of not doing what your parents wanted you to do?