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What to do if I have big talent & passion in music, yet I am lazy, confused, and scared too much?

Asked by niki (714points) April 23rd, 2010

..and life seems to just pass me by. I hate it.
Many, if not all people who have known me always told me that I am very talented in music.
Not only I can play well & have perfect pitch (ie: listen to any piece of music, and then be able to play it close to perfect after that), but my mind is constantly filled with melodies, compositions, and full arrangements be it classical, jazz, pop/R&B, or some “off-this-world” type of music.
There are already several key music-industry & professional, also music teachers that even said that I have very unique, rare talent in music, that it would be such a major waste if i’m not using it,..or if I bury it deep (because of familiy or “real-world” society’s pressures & expectations, at my current age).
Also, another thing is (I don’t intend to boast, as I’ll immediately show you my ‘problems’ after that) many people have found me to be a very smart, deep, and can see “bigger picture” and many things that other normal people usually miss.
ah, and I also love art, deep things, philosophy, psychology, and seeing people generally.
I am an ‘odd’ person who loves to ‘break the rules’ and being adventurous and travel and meet new people, new culture. most hate to get stuck in a cubicle, or in impersonal situation where I can’t “feel” a lot.

However, the biggest problem that I have is two things:
1. I am somehow very lazy, and generally a very laid-back person (ie: I procrastinate too much, especially recently, even when I have some music projects or ‘homeworks’ related with it).
I got easily bored and distracted with details, as I often able to ‘see’ the completed music all in my head, that I just somehow become veryy lazy to realize it one-by-one in the real life!
2. I FEAR too much things, and How-to-do, so I constantly ask 1,000 people (also from Internet & forums & boards) on how to do this, how to do that, only to get another different answers, and then I’ll search for more & more….as a result, time flies by very quickly, and usually I’m just so sad to find that 1 month have passed just because I constantly browsed online & continuously stuck on the Internet, without doing any real thing!

These can probably due to certain things, namely perhaps some discouragements from “Realistic-type” of people close to me that view my dreams (yes i do have dream, big one even!) to become a professional musician/songwriter is highly viewed as “playing around” or “unrealistic” or even “IMPOSSIBLE” to achieve, and what makes me sad the most is perhaps of the comments “aren’t you already too LATE for that? time to find some real job!” (I’m going to turn 28 this year).

Also perhaps because I don’t want to dissappoint my parents, that they view me as a “no use” eldest son, and perhaps by not working in a “real job” such as continuing his family-business, or finding a “big $$$$ money” corporate jobs, as he always wanted me since i’ve graduated from university with quite high GPA (with business finance degree, which ironically i have zero passion/interest in it!).

what I really really hate the most is of how fast time flies by,
and sometimes after I logged off from Internet/computer, or when I sleep too much, and when I wake up, I can suddenly sit down & think “what the *** have i been doing all these years in my life? how come my life is still the same?? why am i soo afraid to take risks, and move forward??”
at one point I guessed that maybe this is why I even FEAR of going the path of being a professional musician, afraid that I won’t succeed, afraid that things will go wrong all of sudden (you can never guess what life brings to you!), afraid that the world will just be cold & indifferent to my music compositions, and most especially is, I will become poor & broke, no matter how talented or good I am in music.

But at the same time, I also hate very much of where I am right now (ie: I am now helping my father in several of his businesses, from furniture to telecommunications, etc), and often cushion it by going into some ‘adventures’ on my own, like walking alone in the middle of shopping malls, feel the atmosphere/people, meet & talk to a new person, etc, but I still have not many friends (i don’t know why..seems like I’m a loner-type).

Please help me!
how can I eliminate this problem,
before I’ll turn 29, 30, 35, and things become even much more depressing to me that I’ll feel useless, worthless piece of meat?
to be very honest, sometimes I can even really envy/jealous of those musicians/songwriters (or people in general) who always seems to know WHAT, and HOW to do,..and wonder why or how come I can’t be more practical like them, why I kept asking so many questions, and then ‘escape’ by procrastinating, lazy, and sleep too much to escape the ‘Real-world’ and its reality & problems!!

please help on how can i solve this endless, seemingly circular & ‘stuck’ problem!
thanks

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