What do you do after an abusive and controlling relationship and you have nothing ?

So I just got out of an abusive relationship and I don’t know how to put the pieces back again…As crazy and dumb as this seems, I miss him… I have nothing because I depended on him so much, but now that I’m away from him ( I just got out of this situation last night ) , I have no clue where to start and how to begin….

It feels like I want to go back with him, but at the same time I’m unsure and afraid.

I didn’t press charges against him because I was living with him and had no where to go if I had called the police.

My mom is letting me stay with her until I find a place, My dad is willing to help me out with rent, and my dad wants me to just get into the military ( Air Force most likely ).

I feel torn, lost, stupid, and dumb.

I know people are gonna tell me I should not go back with him, then why do I miss him so much and feel so low and guilty ?