Social Question

dogkittycat's avatar

How do I find out who this person is?

Asked by dogkittycat (880 points ) January 23rd, 2011 from iPhone

This very nasty woman keeps calling my house, I’ve suspected my father of cheating and I believe she’s the one he’s had the affair with. She continually calls, never leaves a message and insists on talking to my dad and refuses to give her name. When I spoke to her she was a royal witch(you know what I mean). I want to know who she is so I can be sure before confronting him and/or telling my mother. I know the number but I haven’t been able to find out her name.

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22 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

Why not ask your dad who she is, without using judgmental language?

funkdaddy's avatar

In the era of cell phones, email and facebook why would someone continue to call the house if they were doing something inappropriate?

Probably a bill collector.

If you really want to try and chase it down a search for reverse lookup might get you started.

dogkittycat's avatar

I should probably have explained that I tried reverse look up and she’s blocked, it won’t work. My father would a-lie to me or b-not say anything and refuse to talk to me at all. ****I know it’s a residential landline #. also my father doesn’t believe in Facebook, or cell phones that are up to date and actually ring when someone calls.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Just tell her he’s not available, and can you take a message. If you think you know her name, call her by it. Good manners win in these situations.

Whatever the situation, if your father is having an affair, but choosing not to leave your mom, he is making a choice, and he’s not choosing this other person.

syz's avatar

You could always register her with the nuisance call registry. or just block her number.

dogkittycat's avatar

@barnacleBill I tried that approach she called me a liar and hung up.

talljasperman's avatar

don’t answer the phone from blocked numbers

syz's avatar

Answer “I’m sorry, my father doesn’t accept calls from unknown parties. If you’d like to leave your name, I’ll be happy to leave him a message. If you do not wish to leave your name, then you are unlikely to reach him.”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

You want to potentially drop this bombshell on your mother based on a feeling of yours? I recommend using caution. You are not aware of all the aspects.

beachbum76's avatar

Since you know the number, call it and ask whose residence it is.

john65pennington's avatar

Call the police and make a report for harrassing phone calls. You can do this as a member of the household. Once a report is made, the officer can locate a name for you. This is legal, because she would now be a suspect in a minor crime.

dogkittycat's avatar

@Simon De Beauvoir
It’s not a “feeling”, my father spends the weekend with a friend for a job near there, always comes home hours later than he should “working on someone’s computer” but no payment for this work is ever received because he’s not done with it , as he says when my mother asks about it. There is evidence behind it, were this just a “feeling” I wouldn’t have even considered telling my mother or pursuing it any further.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@dogkittycat Clearly,you are going to do what you think is right. Good luck.

Meego's avatar

Hell I say just go to your mother and tell her some annoying person is calling and have her answer the phone next time. Honestly hon, if your dad has cheated it’s not up to you to save their marriage your mom is a big girl. Your mother has a right to know…then again maybe she already does. But also don’t point fingers if you go to your mother just tell her simply the lady is nasty and keeps calling for your father..let your mom figure out the relationship stuff. It could even just be a creditor, they can be very nasty.

gondwanalon's avatar

The next time the mean old hag calls tell “Hold on I’ll get my dad” and hand the phone over to your mother. Also if you feel up to it you might tap the phone line an record all the conversations. Good luck to you.

wundayatta's avatar

I’m confused. Why are you the one fielding these calls? Does your mother never answer the phone? Or your Dad? Have you ever asked your Dad about the calls? It seems to me that if he was having an affair, and he knew she was calling, he’d tell her to knock it off.

I also would like to know what your goal is. Do you want your mother to know your suspicions? Do you want to find out if your suspicions are true? Do you want to protect your mother? Are you trying to keep your parents together? Are you trying to make them happy? Are you trying to avoid disruption in your family and your life? How would you describe your goal here?

If you are trying to somehow fix your parent’s marriage—well, that’s too big a burden to put on yourself. If you try, you will inevitably make things worse. The only thing you can do is to be honest. That means telling your parents what is happening, but not telling them your suspicions. It is their job to figure out what is going on. Yours is just to report what is going on.

Under no circumstances should you tell your mom you think your dad is having an affair, nor should you tell your dad the same thing. Stick to the facts. Nothing but the facts. No conclusions or suspicions are appropriate unless someone asks you for your opinion.

This helps you protect yourself, too. If there is some innocent explanation for this, you don’t come across as a fool or a meddler. Stick to the facts. Let others interpret. And do not be trying to be a sleuth. You’ll just drive yourself mad. You are not a sleuth. You are not a lawyer. You are not a judge. You are a witness. That’s more than enough.

sliceswiththings's avatar

I like the idea of letting your mom answer, or putting her on the phone. That’ll teach her to call.

SuperMouse's avatar

Ok, you want to know her name so you can share the information with your mom. Here’s the thing, if your dad is indeed having an affair, odds are good your mom already knows and either doesn’t want to admit it to herself, or is working through it and deciding how to handle the situation. Especially if this woman has the audacity to phone the house without her number blocked looking for your father. I am just not convinced that your getting involved in the situation is going to be helpful. There is absolutely no reason this woman should be impolite to you but you can’t control her behavior anymore than you can control your dad’s. Go with @BarnacleBill‘s suggestion, be polite but nothing more. Let your parents figure this out.

klutzaroo's avatar

I agree with @john65pennington. Make a police report about being harassed and let them handle it. You shouldn’t have to deal with this woman’s bad behavior and harassment, but nor should you be making choices for your parents (like forcing your mom to handle it). It if was me, I would have told my father a long time ago to tell his whore to stop calling the house, but that’s me. You shouldn’t have to deal with this, there’s only one sure way for you to not have to deal with this and that’s to get the people with the power to stop it involved. Might suck, but sure beats crazy bitches calling the house (especially if they move on to do it at all hours).

BarnacleBill's avatar

If your father is having an affair, there’s not enough to it to make him want to leave your mom. If this “other woman” was important, she would not have to harrass your father at home; he would be communicating with her, and there would be no need to call.

BarnacleBill's avatar

Perhaps a father-daughter movie night is in order, like pizza and “Fatal Attraction”.

It sounds like this person is unbalanced; it could be possible that it was an almost affair, and this woman is stalking your dad.

If you haven’t already done so, you need to lay the cards on the table with your dad, and give him a chance to address your concerns. While what’s inside a marriage lies with the adults, what spills over into the family, kids have a right to bring up what affects them.

Raven_Rising's avatar

I think @john65pennington is right on the money here. It doesn’t matter if this woman is a creditor or a“friend” of your father. Constantly calling your home is harassment and in the case of a creditor, a violation of fair collection practices. It’s not ok and she needs to stop.

However, before calling the local authorities, you might want to have a word with your parents about this woman (if you haven’t spoken to them already). I wouldn’t mention your suspicions, but most parents frown on their verbally abused via phone regardless of who it is. If nothing happens and calls continue, I would call the police.

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