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sakura's avatar

What do I do about this work collegue/friend?

Asked by sakura (8213 points ) December 1st, 2011

SORRY but I need to get this off my chest to mutual people.

Okay here goes…
In the school I work in the children pay £1 snack money, this allows me to buy snack and extra resources the class may need. The other teacher I work with does the same. Sometimes we borrow packets of biscuits etc.. from each other. However my TA bought some special bits for the children (enough to last until the end of term) the other teacher spotted them and said “Oh you have bought snack” and started to help herself. I said, ” Oh don’t take any just yet, my TA bought them and she has bought special stuff for the kids, you’d better ask her tomorrow, I don’t want to be in her bad books” and the reply was “But we always borrow off each other.” I agreed and said, “I know but be it on your own head if you take something that she bought specially for them” following this conversation she started talking to me in 1 syllable answers and then instead of walking out of the door together as normal she went on her own. She didn’t repond to phone call or text on way home – something we always do at the end of the day so the journey passes quicker.
So what do I do?
We usually get on really well, so much so we are going out on Saturday.
I know this sounds silly but I feel like I have really upset her and I don’t want to. I don’t want it to become a big issue.
I spoke to my TA about it and she said it’s fine she can have some (which I knew she would but didn’t want anything taking just in case something was particularly for our kids)
I know I should just go in tommorow and act normally as I don’t have any issues. But I don’t want things to be left. I have a feeling she will go out and buy stuff tonight so even if I offer it tomorrow it will feel like it is an empty gesture.
Silly and petty I know but things like this really worry me, I don’t like upsetting people.

Do I confront the issue tomorrow or do I carry on as if nothing has happened?

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6 Answers

Coloma's avatar

She crossed a boundary, “borrowing” items that were gifted to you and your class by the TA. The usual agreement does not apply here and she needs to understand that.

If you don;t set a boundary it seems this person will have no problem just taking whatever she wants with a sense of entitlement. Not good, not healthy and certainly not “friendly.”

sinscriven's avatar

Sure she’s upset but that’s not your problem. You called her out on her behavior and she naturally got defensive over it.

She was trying to take advantage of your own relationship with her to help herself to things that she had no right to. You didn’t allow yourself to be used as a doormat and now she’s mad at you for it.

Carry on like normal, you don’t really need to address it, it’s her karma not yours. I would also be weary of being too buddy buddy with her, if she’s being passive aggressive to you over something so small there may not be as good as a friendship/rapport as you may think.

Coloma's avatar

Well….if I were you I’d just observe how she behaves.
See if she cancels your plans for the weekend or behaves in other passive aggressive ways.
The silent treatment, giving you the cold shoulder ( which she already did by not participating in your usual friendly texting last night. )
These are always manipulative tactics to induce a sense of wrong doing and guilt in others. It is bullshit!

Look at this way…the true test of all relationships comes the first time one says “no” to another, disagrees with something, or, in any way ,sets a limit or boundary on what they are willing or not willing to do.
A true “friend” will respect your wishes and feelings and a false friend will cut you off as soon as you are not giving them what they want or they can no longer take advantage of you.
Just wait and see how she continues to behave, it’ll tell you everything you need to know.
Also…your last line about not liking to upset people…you didn’t upset her, she’s responsible for her own reactions and feelings.
I think it’s a great test to see if this woman is really a friend or just about making nice to take advantage of you for the sharing of stuff.

Good luck!

sakura's avatar

Thanks guys, I am sure it will blow over tomorrow, I just needed to vent, just felt a bit low over it :( we do normally borrow snack from each other and I wasnt saying no just wait until tomorrowtomorrow. Just hope it does not become and issue life is too short and friendships too valued xx

LostInParadise's avatar

Let us know how it turns out.

sakura's avatar

Will do x

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