Is it ok that I'm feeling hurt?
I moved out to NYC and have been staying with my best friend from college for a little over a month now while I look for jobs, but it’s taking me a little longer than I’d planned to find something so that I can be out on my own.
She’s always wanted me to move here and was the one who convinced me to finally do it. After about 2 weeks of being here I started feeling bad that I couldn’t find a job and was beginning to feel like I was starting to impose on my friend. I’ve always been very independent and hate asking for favors (though I have absolutely no problem helping out others without them even asking for it) so I know that my pride was starting to take a hit. I’m easy to live with as I always, always clean up after myself and being that I don’t like clutter/messiness, I take it upon myself to do the dishes and clean the house every morning when I wake up, so I know there aren’t any problems on that end. I also haven’t been eating much lately, what with the stress and all, so I know I’m not consuming all her groceries and I always replace whatever little food I’ve used.
Well, today she texted me and said that she felt bad having this conversation with me, but she wanted to know if there was any way I could stay with another one of our friends who lives in Jersey for a while because she hasn’t been able to enjoy her apartment since moving out on her own in February because her boyfriend was always over and I moved here about a week after they broke up.
I’ve been toying with the idea of going back home for a little while now, even though I know I’m not going to get a job there for a very, very long time (terrible job market). Funny thing is, just today I got a call for an interview next week and it sounded like I pretty much got the job and the interview is just a necessary formality, but I wouldn’t be starting until August. The problem is, now I feel really awkward staying with my friend and want to go somewhere else so badly because I know I’m not going to feel comfortable being here anymore, but I don’t know anyone else in the city.
I completely understand where she’s coming from and don’t want to take it personally (believe me, I’m trying hard to not let it get to me), but I can’t help but feel a little sad and hurt.
Am I wrong to be having these feelings? And should I just suck it up for the time being and ignore my feelings of discomfort and awkwardness until I start the job and can afford to be on my own? Or should I just go back home? I’d really hate to pass up this job opportunity =/
Thank you all in advance.