General Question

Whattodo's avatar

Is sharing your password with your partner a sign of trust?

Asked by Whattodo (101 points ) June 3rd, 2008

Or do the risks outweigh the benefits?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

27 Answers

wildflower's avatar

I think not minding whether you know your partner’s password or not is a bigger sign of trust.

waterskier2007's avatar

idk because i have the same password for everything, so if someone knew it they could basically kill me. i dont share it with anyone. i think if i got married i wouldnt even share it with them. it shouldnt really matter though

Mtl_zack's avatar

it would show greater trust if your partner let you do what you want without being checked up on.

babygalll's avatar

Hopefully if you are with someone you should already trust them and they should trust you. Sharing a password shouldn’t have to prove trust to each other. It’s just a password that you can change. Yes, they can share the password, but they can always change it.

I don’t share my passwords with anybody. I have different passwords for different things and like waterskier2007 said people can get a lot of information about me if they got my password.

waterskier2007's avatar

@babygalll i think you meant to say “sharing a password shouldnt have to prove…” but i think we got ur point

babygalll's avatar

Fixed..thanks!

monsoon's avatar

My girlfriend and I know each other’s passwords, but not out of, like, a defining conversation in which we ceremonially gave them to each other as a ritualistic sign of trust.

It was more like, “I forgot to print my term paper out, can you go email it from my computer so I can print it out at school? My pass is blah blah blah.” And then she knew my password. I wouldn’t date some one who I couldn’t trust with something as small as my password.

waterskier2007's avatar

@monsoon, i wouldnt say something as small as a password. my password goes to my online banking, school email, school file sharing, banking records, etc. so it for sure isnt a small thing

monsoon's avatar

Side note: I did have a girlfriend once who had Thyroid cancer, and before she had her first surgery, she gave me a sealed envelope with her passwords in it so that if she ever died, her family and I could have access to her personal files.

And she trusted that I wouldn’t open it unless she died, and I never did (she’s fine now)

monsoon's avatar

@ water, yeah, mine too. I only mean, there are more important things that took me a lot longer to share with her. And like I said, I wouldn’t be with some one if I thought they might abuse such a thing.

I guess being robbed blind isn’t the worst thing that a loved one could do to me, in my opinion.

jrpowell's avatar

I used to trust my password with my significant others. Until I came home one day and my computer wouldn’t start. She screwed something up and applied a fix (from the Internet) that basically erased everything. The original problem wasn’t bad and I could have fixed it if she wouldn’t have tried to hide the fact that she messed something up. I had a recent back-up so it only took a few hows to get things back to normal. But it did suck.

So now girlfriends get a normal user account and leave my admin account alone.

But I will share my email password since that hard to mess up and nothing interesting ever shows up there.

mcbealer's avatar

I would say it’s more a sign of accountability.

figbash's avatar

With a real partner, I would do it for specific, practical things like shared bank accounts, bills etc- but for email, or anything that accesses my personal correspondences with people outside of my relationship? Absolutely not. I think it betrays my friend’s/family’s trust to give access to the personal and private correspondence they send me, to someone they may or may not have planned on sharing that information with.

babygalll's avatar

Going through someones email, personal accounts, billing accounts and the computer itself. Is like walking up to your neighbors mailbox and going through their mail. It’s an invasion of privacy. If you are in a relationship with no trust and you have each others password. There might be some snooping going on.

Like figbash said if it’s a shared account with your significant other then they both have a right to have access to it. That’s the only time I would share the password. As for email. I don’t think I would share it. If it’s an email I want to share I would simply forward it.

nikipedia's avatar

Cheez, guys, that’s not trust, that’s an absence of boundaries. What if my best friend emails me to tell me she has herpes? Or that she thinks my significant other is abusive and I should leave him? Or what if my significant other’s sister emails me to tell me what she got for his birthday?

My last boyfriend read my email on two separate occasions, even after promising never to do it again. It completely undermined my trust in him. Our relationship was never the same.

exek1's avatar

yeah I gave it to my girl and she ended up spying on me, reading all my messeges and etc. How is that trust? I too once read hers to see if she was lying to me. I did it ONCE,
she did this often to me.

waterskier2007's avatar

i think regardless of your trust, it would be dishonest to all the people that send you emails, messages, etc. because they trust you that the messages they send you are only going to you, but if your significant other has your password then you might not be the only person reading it. how would you feel if you sent a message about how u were depressed or something serious and like confessed u were feeling suicidal and ur friends girlfriend or boyfriend read it when you didnt want them to. that would suck

jrpowell's avatar

@waterskier2007
You run that risk with real life too. I have had a few girlfriends that would blab everything their friends said to me. If you don’t want the world to know it is best to keep quite.

And anyone who thinks email is private is a fool. Anyone that uses my computer if I forgot to logout first can read my email if they browse to gmail. And most people that use my computer do so to check their web based email. And most of my friends use gmail. People frequently stumble upon my email.

waterskier2007's avatar

@jp, well then that is irresponsible on your part with peoples private matters if they choose to send them to you. if they do it means that they trust you and you are betraying that by leaving their secrets visible for others

Kay's avatar

I think it’s generally a bad idea; just because you are married doesn’t mean you have to share every single aspect of yourself with the other person. You’re both still independent individuals who should have rights to privacy in certain areas of your life and your spouse should understand this as a healthy adult. I was in an extremely controlling and abusive relationship and if my ex had access to my email and internet accounts then I’d probably be dead right now because that was my only means of communicating and planning my escape. This is an extreme situation obviously, but I think there’s no reason you should share your password with your S.O. If there’s an email or information you want to share with them, then forward it to them or talk to them about it.

melly6708's avatar

@exek…. ONCE u mean a bunch of times.. u always ask me about things in messages that i send.. and comments.. dont lie

simon's avatar

Its trust on your side to give it but mistrust for the other to ask for it and once they have it, still unlikely to trust you.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

if it were a life and death situation why not?

If it were just everyday, I need my personal space.

punkrockworld's avatar

Of course it’s a sign of trust. But I don’t think you should give your password. Your significant other should trust you without going through all your mess.
Its sort of a mystical attraction.

girlofscience's avatar

I agree with monsoon. It doesn’t need to be a ritualistic thing, but it shouldn’t be specifically kept private. Boyfriends/girlfriends should trust each other enough to not hide their passwords, but also to not snoop like crazy.

redsgirl4eva's avatar

I don’t think so because Both partners need privacy. I would never share my Password with ANYBODY and I don’t care who it is.

shiv's avatar

Point of view of someone who asks for a password – what if you are in a LDR and your partner lies to you about certain things repeatedly. You as it is lose trust in this person. Lying is a weakness and so is hiding things. My partner knows my passwords and whether he snoops around or not its his personal choice – I still don’t mind either. When I ask for his password, I get the answer that its personal. How am I to perceive his NO as a sign of trust? To me its like – I trust him and don’t mind sharing my privacy whereas he doesn’t trust me with his password. There’s already a rift in our circle of trust coz of his lying and now not sharing password kind of deepens it for me. I really want to understand his point of view..which he has no answer to.

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