General Question

flyawayxxballoon's avatar

Is it alright for you to work hard to please others, but often shirk pleasing yourself in the process?

Asked by flyawayxxballoon (1347 points ) July 22nd, 2008

I have a friend who works so hard to please everyone else but has next to no original personality because she’s trying to be what everyone else wants her to be. I’m actually a tad worried that she will be swallowed by what others want.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

tinyfaery's avatar

First, don’t assume that you understand the motives behind her actions. There are many reasons people become this way, including manipulation.

Second, No. One day she’ll break, and it won’t be pretty.

marinelife's avatar

It is a very bad idea. First, take care of yourself, because then you will have resources with which to deal with the needs of others. Told to you by a long-time caretaker who learned the hard way over the course of many years.

loser's avatar

that always backfires eventually

ninjaxmarc's avatar

love yourself first.

oceansmist's avatar

I once read a very good book titled “Pleasing You Is Killing Me” and it could not have been a more accurate picture of my life at the time. When you work so hard at pleasing others, you inevitably lose sight of yourself somewhere along the way and just become all the things that other people want you to be and that is most definitely not a healthy lifestyle and it will catch up with you sooner or later. My advice would be simply this: be true to yourself first and foremost. Then worry about “pleasing” others. And on a side note: no matter how hard you try or how hard you work or how “perfect” you are at what others expect from you, you will never please them all and at the end of the day you will have to live with yourself, not them, so do what makes you happy first.

jvgr's avatar

No, this isn’t good.
It’s also a learned behavior and is likely something she learned from her parents (consciously or otherwise)

baterpark91's avatar

I used to be like this, I thought that if I made everyone around me happy, then I would be happy…soon did I find out, it did not work like this.

kevinhardy's avatar

pleasing oneself is more important, you’ll live longer

jackfright's avatar

it serves a practical purpose if you need something.
otherwise, i cant quite see the point of it.

btw, i absolutely adore people like you’re friend :)
they make life easier for people like me.

Mwolfe3508's avatar

The more important question is, why are you so involved in deciding what’s best for others? If this person is truly unhappy, then they will seek out the means to change themselves. Do not be so quick to try to enforce your will on others.

Poopy's avatar

Have you spoken to your friend and shared your concerns? If not, you need to.

Moegitto's avatar

Ugh…the textbook definition of a brown noser. Note saying that she is one, but these are the type of people that you kinda gotta watch out for, because they’re putting their job above EVERYTHING, including friendship. Sometimes a person may “seem” like they are using people or belittling others to make themselves see better, but everybody see’s things differently. Poopy brings up a good point, talk to them and let them know your feelings about their actions, there really isn’t anything else you can do…

EverRose11's avatar

Not good going around trying to please others all the time, first of all, most who your around will not look at that as anything but your an easy mark, and trust many people LOVE to use those who are, actually what many people call the easy marks…. The one who is the crowd pleaser so to say will in the end be hurt, disappointed and diffidently misunderstood ,but it is her lesson and life ,so best you not say a word. she would never listen.

kess's avatar

If it pleases her to work to please others then she is quite fine and very admirable.

If she frets while still doing it, she is doing herself a disservice.

zander101's avatar

Pleasing others is a character destroyer because most of the time those people don’t care about you. She has low-self confidence and continuing to engage in such behavior will back fire. Attempt to ask her why she does it and go from there sometimes just providing an listening ear will help someone see reason and they will re-evaluate their choices. Be a friend it goes a long way.

Cruiser's avatar

Being happy requires balance in one’s life. Constantly giving of ones self is draining of your spiritual self and soon you will be depleted. You have to do things equally and taking time for yourself in crucial to being happy like the people you are always helping.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther