General Question

gimmedat's avatar

How should I reconnect with someone with whom I've always had a very close relationship until recently?

Asked by gimmedat (3868 points ) September 28th, 2008 from iPhone

I am having a hard time reconnecting with a friend whose life choices, as of late, have been uncharacteristically STUPID. I really like this little lady, she’s always meant a lot to me, but I’ve not had much to do with this gal pal in awhile and I miss that. I’ve been pretty mean about the choices she’s making, but am realizing that I need to take a look at where she fits in my world and try to make it right. Any ideas?

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4 Answers

marinelife's avatar

Well, you can try. If you miss her company and her presence in your life, tell her that. Be honest. Say something like, “I know I have been vocal in my disapproval of some of your life choices in the past. I miss you, and I would like to still have you in my life. Would you be open to that?”

Then negotiate a way that could work. Perhaps you both agree to leave certain topics off the table. Just be prepared that this may or may not work. She may be too annoyed at you to give it a go again. You may find yourself unable to keep from making snide remarks about her life choices that you do not like.

So, try it, but be awake to the fact that you both have moved to far apart and too much water may have been spilled from the dam to resurrect your friendship or to craft a new type of relationship.

If that is the case, you grieve, learn from the experience, wish her well in life and move on. Good luck.

deaddolly's avatar

start with an ice breaker card or e-mail. follow up with a call and an invite to dinner.

gailcalled's avatar

I can only speak from my experience; a really close family member and I had a wall of silence for several years, caused by my perception of reality and hers,’ which were different. I chose the period between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, which are the days of atonement. We agreed to meet on neutral ground, listen respectfully, get everything off our chests and never bring those particular issues up again.

It took three one-hour sessions at the town tennis courts – one of them in the rain, but it worked, because we both wanted it to. We each apologized. Maybe it worked because we were family. I don’t know how helpful that is.

Jokerlover's avatar

Start off by just talking to them don’t push your views onto them but try to be friends if this makes you feel wired then maybe write a letter see if they write back if they don’t , don’t get upset or sad keep faith let things set in place. If you want nothing but to just be with them let them know but don’t just come out with it tell them that you miss them or bring up old memories maybe funny things that happed or mention the little memories that they will he suprised that out still know like what his favorite movie is or color. Hit on the fact that you know everything about them and that you love them without making them feel wires take itslowly it will be worth it in the end

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