General Question

madsmom1030's avatar

How long should a widow wait before entering a serious relationship with a new person?

Asked by madsmom1030 (1022 points ) October 20th, 2008
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

18 Answers

jessturtle23's avatar

Until you feel you will no longer be getting into it to get over your loneliness.

MacBean's avatar

7 years, 10 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 21 hours, 42 minutes, and 11 seconds.

scamp's avatar

I don’t think there is an across the board answer to this question, but at least 6 months to a year as a general rule is a good idea.

Comedian's avatar

It depends on how you look at it. If you believe that you decesed spouse wants you to have someone in your life then get someone in your life, but always remember that person.

jvgr's avatar

Gotta agree with @jessturtle23.

If you’re in the relationship because you are lonely, to occupy your time, because it feels weird not being in a relationship, then avoid anything other than friendship.

Don’t worry about time. No rules about that.

augustlan's avatar

When you are ready. Period.

skfinkel's avatar

Such a personal question. I was helped somewhat in this answer by a book about widows put out, I believe, by TIAA-CREF. They interviewed hundreds of women who had been widowed. On the chapter of beginning again, there were those who said that they were approached by men too soon, and when they were more ready for a relationship, then, the men were no where to be found. And they were very lonely.

I would have to say that only the person involved knows the answer to this question. And at the same time, even if a widow does begin to have another relationship, that in no way diminishes what she feels about her late husband. Those feelings never go away, even though the widow might begin “living” again.

If you are asking this for someone else, don’t expect to be able to rush her.

cookieman's avatar

Mom!?!...Is that you?

In all seriousness: Whenever you feel you are ready. Of course, if it’s less than a year, I would expect some backlash from family members. But you may not care about their opinions.

cyndyh's avatar

I have to go with MacBean on this one—give or take a few seconds.

Seriously, though, how long does the widow in question want to wait?

deaddolly's avatar

I agree with the above. Your relationship with your deceased husband matters as well. If you weren’t in a happy marriage; the sooner you move on the better. Just give yourself time to grieve. To hell with what family members say.

marinelife's avatar

There are too many variables here to come up with a right answer. With a marriage of long standing, though, it takes time for the person to become themselves again rather than them as they were defined as part of a couple.

In people I have been close to, I did not think they were more or less back to “normal” for about two years.

madsmom1030's avatar

I thank-you all for your kind answers- i am the widow in question- not asking for anyone else. I also consulted my grief counselor and we discussed this. She felt that if i met someone that I wished to pursue a relationship with that mentally and emotionally i was ready but to go slow. I am current at a year and a half and have spent alot of time working with my grief counselor to process and deal with what happened. my late husband was severally bipolar and it was a very challenging situation but i cared for him deeply. i know that he would not want me to be alone as we had discussed that topic before i had a life threatening health crisis. i know there is no right or wrong answer in this situation but wanted input from people to see where their views were. thank-you again.

cyndyh's avatar

So, is he cute? :^>

Welcome to Fluther.

madsmom1030's avatar

yes he is very cute. :) good listener and knows what happened and is able to process it and realizes there will still be some challenging times ahead and is actually reading about grief and suicide and is going to meet with my grief counselor. it is very touching to me and shows he cares.

augustlan's avatar

All the best to you!

cyndyh's avatar

Ooooo keep that one. :^>

madsmom1030's avatar

sorry need to correct something i wrote- he is willing and has offered to meet with my grief counselor. i plan on keeping this one. thank-you so much for your positive feedback.

noraasnave's avatar

@madsmom: I appreciate your kind words, my love.

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