Waiters and waitresses: what do you want from restaurant patrons?

This all depends on the type of restaurant…but there are definitely some ground rules.
20% tip, always. Unless the service was awful. Then 15%. If the service is great, higher than 20%.

You shouldn’t have to ask for refill, at a place like Applebee’s, don’t expect them to wait on you hand and foot, you’ll have to ask. Still give 20% tip.
Nicer restaurants, they should be keeping an eye on you, and be able to bring you a new drink before you even ask.
Ordering just water is fine. They don’t care. It just sucks because that means the bill won’t be as high, it’s not your fault if you don’t want to have a drink drink. If they act bitter towards you because of this, then they suck at the service industry.
It’s a stressful job because you have to be attending to multiple tables all at once, meeting their needs before they even ask.
To avoid being “part of the problem”, just be courteous, don’t treat them like servants, they’re just doing their job.

The water thing is the absolute worst. Our boss is trying to come up with a reasonable way to tell people we’re only selling bottled or sparkling and only giving out tap water if it’s clearly requested because we spend all night running around filling water glasses which we won’t see a dime for. Tip at least 15%, 20 would be better and if you sit and linger for hours over coffee, etc make sure your tip accurately reflects that (especially if you’re close to a shift-change because we don’t get off of work until you leave, even if our shift is over!). I don’t mind being asked for refills, etc, but I should be able to get there without you asking. Notice if you have a busser/runner and not just a server because those people are being tipped out, if the busser/runner is particularly good and so is is the waitstaff, tip more than 20%.
A nice “please and thank you” goes a long way in this industry. :).

I’m not a waiter or waitress, but I am in the hospitality industry, and what really makes my job easier is a little respect. I am not your slave. I own my business, so I don’t have to take your crap, although word of mouth is imortant. I have refused to host some people, though. It’s kind of satisfying to show them the door, before their planned stay is finished. Of course, they get a 100% refund.

I guess if you’re an employee, you can’t do that. I only have a couple of employees, but I’ve told them that if anybody treats them disrespectfully, come to me, and I’ll show them the door, just on their say so.

Wow, this is a little one-sided. From the customer point of view, I’d like a few things.

Do not expect 15% if the service was bad. The tip is for the service. If the service is above average, the tip will be too.

Please, never, never sit down at my table. It is not cute. It is intrusive. I will respect you if you will do the same for me.

I know you are busy. I respect that. Do not, however, disappear once my food is served. Please check to see if everything is OK, and please keep an eye out after a reasonable length of time to see if we are ready for coffee, dessert or the check.

To answer your questions individually:

Tipping should be between 15 and 20 percent, especially if you have your food delivered. Not tipping a delivery guy/gal is a guaranteed way to make your service for the next time you order worse. Honestly, we keep notes on this in our computer. I’m not joking. @adreamofautumn also makes good points about people who sit around for a long time; we don’t mind, but make sure you’re aware that you are possibly keeping us from getting another table (and therefore another tip) or from getting off work. And I’ll reiterate the busser/runner point, and add that the same is true of bartenders. Take those people into account when you are ordering drinks from the bar or when you have a busboy. @Marina is right as well, though – if the service is terrible, it isn’t necessary to tip well. The promise of a tip is what ensures that service will be pleasant, timely, and correct. As a waitress, I tip really, really well when I get good service, but I also tip terribly when I know the service could have been better.

At my waitressing job, it was annoying when people made it an even amount, because we waitresses didn’t get any of the silver change, only the whole dollar. If the tip was 2.99, we only got 2.00, the extra 0.99 went to the manager. If the manager was really nice, he would cash out all the change and split it evenly amongst all of us, but he was under no obligation to do so. I don’t think that’s typical of restaurants necessarily, so I guess if it’s between tipping 5.00 and 5.37, for the most part, the extra 0.37 cents isn’t terrible.

I didn’t mind when people asked for refills, as long as it wasn’t when I had food in my hands or when it was obvious that I was busy with something else. It can make things easier when people ask, because I don’t have to go around and check, but it also could stress me out when I have a few things that I’m doing already. I would rather someone politely ask if I’m not incredibly involved with something else already.

I don’t feel cheated if someone only orders water, mainly because I’m a college student, and I understand that saving that extra 1.50 on a Pepsi can help. We were supposed to charge 0.25 for water at my restaurant, and when people were particularly nice to me, I didn’t bother charging them. I did get annoyed when people would complain about the charge for water (I didn’t make the rules, surprisingly) and when people would wait until after I put in an order to ask for it to try to avoid the charge.

Other things that I think would be helpful to note:

Make sure that any kids you have with you aren’t rowdy. The worst thing at my job would be when a table of 8 kids and 3 adults would come in, and the adults wouldn’t pay any attention to the kids, who were screaming and getting shit everywhere and being an overall disturbance. When I was a kid, if I was making a fuss in a restaurant, my parents would threaten to take me out if I couldn’t behave. No wait staff wants to deal with your misbehaving kids. Kids are some of the worst people to have to serve, no lie.

As a general rule, if there is a trashcan in a restaurant (especially the kind where you order at a counter and sit down to eat), regardless of whether your food is packaged to go or not, you should throw away your own trash. Even if food is brought to your table, if there is a trashcan in the seating area, that is an indication that you are to deal with your own trash. And if you don’t want to, you best leave a few extra dollars for whoever has to.

If you insist on sending back food, be courteous about it, even if you’re angry. If you yell or berate or insult the wait staff or make a scene, you’re creating a bigger headache for everyone. If your waiter/waitress is being absolutely unreasonable, rude, unprofessional, or uncooperative, calmly ask to see the manager. There are better ways of dealing with an issue than getting in a fight with the waitress. You’re also less likely to have someone fuck with your food. (I, personally, never fucked with anyone’s food, but I have seen it happen before, and you really want to avoid that, if at all possible.)

Understand that not everything is the waitress’ fault. We don’t set the prices, we don’t have the power to control how big our rush is, we don’t cook and assemble everything you order, so we very well may not know that the line chef forgot to leave mayo off of your sandwich. Bear with us, sometimes. Waitresses will forget things, we’re not perfect, and if we apologize, please understand that we’re doing our best. Some waitresses don’t care, but some of us are earnestly not at fault or sorry.

“Please” and ‘Thank you” are great as well. If you are nice to us, that makes us want to serve you better that much more.

Also: the only time I have ever had a waitress sit down at my table was when I was at Hooters (not by choice, I’ll have you know!). I’m pretty sure that that is generally encouraged there, however…

I always tip 20% for average service, for good service, I tip around 40%. Awful service gets about 15%.

I expect my wait person to smile, and to NOT tell me how much their life sucks. If I wanted crappy service from a grumpy person, I’d go eat at my wife’s other sister’s house. I have dated wait people, and I even worked in the food service industry (maintenance) for a few months. I’ve seen it from both sides.

@Marina Good to know, but that’s not what the question was. I don’t like waiters that sit down at my table either. So awkward.

@adream- so true, please and thank you do go a long way.

People who expect you to do everything but wipe their ass, then they better tip accordingly. If you sit there, and only leave 15%, after running a server ragged..then that’s rude.
The longer you take up a table, the less turn over that server has. At my restaurant, we have big issues with this, people just park themselves and the server is completely screwed. If you have a large party, and want to hang out for a while, leave a decent tip.

@casheroo Excellent point on the hanging. I never do that without checking with the server: “We’d like to chat a bit. Do you need us to move to the bar?”

Just curious, what if you give change in a tip on a credit card—does the manager still take the vigorish?

I just want to have a decent meal withouth worrying if someone spit in mt food or not (waiter friend does it to bad tippers that frequent his establishment)... so i try to be nice to my server and leave a good tip…
you never know…. being rude to your server may come back to bite you in the ass

@TitsMcGhee Is the manager taking the change standard in the industry, or just a shitty thing that happens at your restaurant?

@rancid: The way it worked at my restaurant, we settled out all credit card orders manually, entering the tip in to make sure it was charged to the card, and then took the amount of the tip in cash from the cash drawer. That amount would be recorded in the log of transactions, so, when the drawer was counted down at the end of the night, it didn’t appear that the cash from tips was missing. So if there was a 4.83 tip on a credit card, we would get the 4.00 in cash, and the manager would get the 0.83. Like I said, this was probably just my restaurant, but it still sucked.

@Likeradar: I think it was just my restaurant (at least I’ve never heard of it anywhere else). I mostly worked with managers I got along with, who would cash out the change and divide it up so I’d get that extra few bucks, but there were a few assholes along the way who wouldn’t.

“Waiters and waitresses: what do you want from restaurant patrons?”

Above all else: Manners

@TitsMcGhee; you are lucvky when you think that is sucking. I have been to places wher the gilrs have no choice. Thir parents having solt them into slaving? Indenture? I am not sure wihch is the rigth word. They are vey sad creatures. Never look into your eyes. If they drop a glass, you are soon hearing their cries as the owner whips them. I wanted so badly to find awy to free them, but I was one, and the oppresors were so many. Also, I had another job that seemed more important.