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DelicateDame's avatar

How do I tell him that I don't feel the same?

Asked by DelicateDame (30 points ) July 28th, 2009

(I apologize in advance for the length)

I met this guy and he began to harbor feelings for me. . . And I only think of him as a friend. We only talked through e-mail and text. Tonight, we went to see a movie together, but I kinda invited some friends of mine, hoping he’d get the hint. But he put his arm over my shoulders and wore this cologne that made me sick to my stomach. My friends think I’m lying when I say that I DON’T feel the same way as him.

He tried to kiss me. I said something like, “Sorry, I paid 8 bucks for this movie, I don’t really wanna waste it.” Stupid, I know, but it was the first thing to pop into my head. I planned to tell him how I really felt after the movie, but didn’t get the chance because he left early. I was relieved (a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. . . literally), but now I don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to be the kinda girl who “dumps” him via text, but I’m afraid that if I let us meet like this again, he’ll steal my first kiss (I’m a hopeless romantic, and want it to be special) or I’ll be forced to endure an even MORE awkward experience.

I’ve never had anything like this happen to me. I’ve always been on the other end of the unrequited love deal. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy like me. And I’m in wayyyy too deep here. I wish I could just forget he ever existed, stop texting him, change my number, SOMETHING.

Any advice / stories of when you were in the same situation would be greatly appreciated. I have no clue what I’m supposed to do. I just wanna get out.

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10 Answers

Zendo's avatar

Some of the best marriages are made up of couples who felt about each other as do you two. Good luck.

augustlan's avatar

You’re going to have to let him know. Now that he’s attempted to kiss you, there’s just no way around it. If you only talk via text and email, I’d go the email route… it’s a least a little less casual then texting. Maybe you can say something about the movie itself first, to kind of break the ice. Then tell him you were surprised when he went in for the kiss because you don’t think of him in that way.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

The next time he touches you inappropriately look shocked and ask what he’s doing.

Syger's avatar

I don’t know this guy; but from the way you describe him I would assume he’d be very sensitive to telling him your honest feelings. So I’d say you should pull him aside sometime and just be honest with him. ‘Hey bro, I’m sorry if I was misleading but I don’t really feel that way towards you, <Maybe say something about remaining friends if you’re wanting to> ’ Offer him a handshake so he doesn’t explode thinking you hate him and hopefully things will clear up.

I’ve never really been in such a situation as no one’s really been head-over-heels for me, but if I were to ever be on either side civil, open actions would be most appreciated.

deni's avatar

this is a bit of a different situation but my best friend is a guy and we’ve been friends for about 7 years. just last year it was brought to my attention that he had feelings for me. i had no interest in him but no one believed me. i still get nagged at. but anyhow, just dont do ANYTHING to give him ANY idea that you like him. maybe even bring up a different guy that you like or you’re going on a date with? that should send the message pretty clearly. i know its an annoying situation to be in.

cak's avatar

OUCH! “Sorry, I paid 8 bucks for the movie….” – believe me, I’m not judging you. I am just glad to know that I am not the only one that says things that just pop into their mind and it might not be the best way to say it.

I think it’s good that you still want to approach it, and it’s a good thing that you do. The way things were left, I’m sure he isn’t feeling so great. Here’s the thing, you really can’t help how you feel and you are being a better person by telling the truth.

If you really have no other way of communicating with him, email him. Somehow, that’s a little more substantial and personal than the text – at least in my opinion. Approach what happened and let him know you were just shocked and yes, you think of him as a friend and really nothing more. Just stress that you were shocked, that is why your reaction was what it was, it may help him a bit.

All you can be is honest and upfront. The ball will be in his court after you put it out there for him to understand.

tb1570's avatar

From a guys point of view, in this situation I would prefer if the girl were just simple and direct, so there is no chance of mis-interpretations again.

f4a's avatar

but I’m afraid that if I let us meet like this again, he’ll steal my first kiss (I’m a hopeless romantic, and want it to be special) or I’ll be forced to endure an even MORE awkward experience. <—yup don’t let him kiss you and steal your first kiss, thats really reserve for someone you love or special in your life. Be direct just tell him it won’t work out, and you don’t see any romantic relationship with him.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I agree with what @Augustlan said. If you can’t tell him in person, then tell him by e-mail, that you’re not romantically interested in him. Then stop going out with him on dates. As long as you go out with him, even if you’re paying your own way, he’s going to think he has a chance with you.

StephK's avatar

I’d be up front and direct about it – in person & very clear so that there’s no way he could construe the meaning to be otherwise.

Additionally, you might want to take a second look at your body language. If your words aren’t matching up with what you’re doing (most of what we say is nonverbal!), then that could explain why your friends think you’re joshing when you say you don’t like him.

And remember, your first kiss can’t be stolen, it can only be given. (Otherwise, you’ve just been the kissee, not the kisser.)

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