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Jferrato7's avatar

Do only fools fall in love?

Asked by Jferrato7 (195 points ) September 21st, 2009

I’ve been thinking on what most people’s opinions on love is…Not saying love is wrong or bad. Definitely not…but is there a point where its unhealthy? Is true love nearly impossible? I mean can you really love another person more/same as your Parents, Siblings Etc…I mean obviously in most cases that is considered true love. Or love in a God..or love in no God. My discussion is more interested in hearing peoples opinions on love…what makes it…and what breaks it? How do you feel about it and what do you think it is?

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41 Answers

CMaz's avatar

It is not that fools fall in love.
When you fall in love you take a risk. Disarming yourself and becoming vulnerable.

By itself that is a very foolish act. But love knows no boundaries. And, you end up crossing the line into the unknown.

Jferrato7's avatar

@ChazMaz I like the answer…short, sweet, and to the point

marinelife's avatar

No, love is not for fools at all really.

Yes, I believe that it is possible for a romantic love to match or transcend love family of origin. It depends on how one measures. They are really apples and oranges. One does not preclude the other.

I don’t think true love is nearly impossible. I think what breaks it is people’s misunderstanding of what it is, how it goes beyond the chemical into true intimacy. All relationships, including romantic love, take work to maintain and need to remain a priority for both halves of the couple.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Love can happen to anyone, foolish or not – and love can suffer life’s troubles, breaks of trust, hurt – in my life the people I love most can hurt me the most but are also the ones I love for the most

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I agree with Chaz. Only fools would never risk falling in love. Sure, there can be heartbreak. Yes, it can be risky because people tend to jump in too quickly. But the benefits of truly loving someone and having them love you back? Nothing is better.

I think love of a person makes more sense than loving a god. For someone like me, anyway. Loving a god is like loving something that may or may not be there – and for that matter, loving something that may not be anything like you imagined them to be even if they are there.

Love can definitely transcend family. A lot of people grow up in horribly abusive or neglectful families.

kibaxcheza's avatar

Yes.

True love no longer exists.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kibaxcheza why what’d you do with it?
and what does that mean? does that mean as of right now? or as of this week, cause I gotta make plans, you know?

trailsillustrated's avatar

huh? of course not

onesecondregrets's avatar

Ignorance is bliss!

TheCreative's avatar

I love this “Love everything. Need nothing”

kibaxcheza's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir It died a long time ago. What we call love is no where close to what it used to be. Have you ever written a poem song or even a legit letter for someone you cared about? Have you ever waited months on end for someone, not knowing that they were even coming back, but said faithful and loyal none the less?

true love is something that died with industry and corporate America. Our love only exists in fairy tales and Halmark cards anymore.

Beta_Orionis's avatar

@kibaxcheza regarding the poems, songs, letters, waitng, etc.: yes, actually. It’s definitely not dead. Just because it doesn’t exist in the mainstream or for the majority of individuals does not make it extinct.

CMaz's avatar

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Jferrato7's avatar

I like the answers…keep them coming!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kibaxcheza what you think is love is not…poems, longing, ‘romance’?...these were all written/practiced at a time when no other means of communication was possible and or considered appropriate – it was a stuffy, uptight time when men and women fell in love with ranks and money (not so today, you say?)...it was a time when men were okay to openly pine after someone’s daughter even if the daughter didn’t want them…sure they wrote all that stuff but to whom? and for what?...true love is what true love is to you, to me, to each of us…if you want someone to write you all that, fine, be inspiring, be far away, be mysterious, be a coquette…whatever…but don’t say love is not like it’s used to be because I, for one, am glad it’s not like that anymore…

Beta_Orionis's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I think (I hope) what @kibaxcheza was trying to covey is the sense that the emotionality of love, and the attention to care and detail, is what doesn’t exist anymore. That the most common relationship today revolves around buying one’s way into his or her object’s pants. That what is labeled as love is really just fleeting infatuation or lust. Not that we should revert to old forms of communication and courting customs.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Beta_Orionis well, okay, but those things do exist, of course so either way…

Beta_Orionis's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Oh I know. I totally disagree with the idea that love is dead, but I wanted to throw out my defense.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Beta_Orionis got it, thanks for the clarification

Beta_Orionis's avatar

Personally, I think that you can only find love if it finds you. That is to say, when you’re completely content with yourself and your place in the world, exist with a sense of peace and wholeness, and when you’re not actively looking/hoping/wishing for any sort of relationship, it will then choose to introduce itself.

I think it’s difficult to quantify and compare love for a family member and love for a s.o. because they’re pretty different, but I would say that yes, it is completely possible to love someone more than your own family. Whether or not that qualifies as true love is debatable.

For my working definition, love is distinguished from genuine love with is still distinguished from True Love™. In order for it to be true love, then a) it has to be reciprocated and b) there has to be some element(s) of synchronicity, a perfect match sort of situation.

Additionally, I don’t think that relationships take work. Perhaps in that you can’t take the other person for granted and it’s nice to remind them how much you care every so often, but if “work” entails puzzling out communication, compromising on thoughts or ideals, or trying to reboot some element of how you relate to one another, then it’s not a perfect match. That’s not to say there aren’t difficulties or conflicts within the realm of true love, but that getting past them, resolving them, is a completely natural and intuitive process that doesn’t take too much thought because you and your partner(s) align so seamlessly.

veronasgirl's avatar

Why can’t you love a person as much as you love your parents or siblings? I have friends that I love and would do anything for, therefore, I have no trouble believing that if the right person came along I could love them unconditionally as well.

qashqai's avatar

Of course not.
I am definitely not a fool.

rooeytoo's avatar

When my ex-husband and I wanted to marry, his mother told us we were “in love with love.” I think that is true often. I tend to fall in love with the notion of what being in love means to me. And if the object of my affection does not have the same notion, then there is trouble lurking ahead.

As time goes on, I am getting better at this love thing, it is no longer the heady, breathless, all consuming sort of emotion, now more of a steady, easy and comfortable feeling. For me it is better.

I read this somewhere and have committed it to memory as a reminder,

“I have never loved anyone the way I want to be loved.”

In other words, I am now wise enough to NOT have unrealistic expectations.

whatthefluther's avatar

Having become a widower without warning and then badly betrayed by a then dear friend, all while slowly being crippled by a nasty progressive degenerative terminal disease, I may well have thought that I would be a fool to fall in love again. But then, an angel arrived to care for me, who cared for me and for whom I cared, and that, too, grew to be a love more true than any I ever knew and has remained stronger, longer through time, than the rest combined. So take it from this fool….don’t ever close the door on love….that would be foolish. See ya….Gary/wtf

Jferrato7's avatar

@whatthefluther and @rooeytoo I like both of your responses…very nice

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

No but love must sometimes be put aside due to circumstance or for the better of others you care for. It only feels foolish when you risk and don’t get the result you want. Thing is, one good one is the best healer in the world for all the misses.

filmfann's avatar

Love makes you foolish.

Beta_Orionis's avatar

@filmfann That is true. I’ve seen some foolish things from folks in love.
It can also cause you to revert back to child-like behavior, which is definitely not a bad thing in moderation.

eponymoushipster's avatar

that’s what wise men say.

kibaxcheza's avatar

you can say you love a fish… doesnt mean you do…. and honestly, all i see now a days are people out on the docks…

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

love’s for fools who fall behind.

Hobosnake's avatar

infatuation without love is for fools. Love is much more than lust and infatuation. Real love* is the epitome of unselfishness, and I have yet to meet an unselfish fool.

The fool falls into infatuation and thinks it is love (We’ve probably all been guilty of this!) and blames love when infatuation doesn’t work out.

*Love
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(1 Corinthians 13)

Hobosnake's avatar

So yes, fools fall in love. That happens to the best of us. But anyone who has real love, in all importance, ceases to be a fool.

bumwithablackberry's avatar

I’ll die a lonely fool

MrBr00ks's avatar

“falling in love” is an over used cliche that does not accurately portray the sense of losing control over the outcome of letting someone else affect your feelings.

SmellyBoy's avatar

Love is a beautiful and dangerous thing. If you really get into what love is, psychologically, there are many different models and ideas about the subject and what the driving forces behind it are. Personally, I think love is a feeling that is formed after really getting to know a person over a long period of time. Love grows the way people grow together. I’ve always been a relationship kinda guy (though I hesitate to admit it at times) and I’ve seen the few relationships I’ve been in flourish and fail. Love to me is almost a process, not to take the romanticism out of it because that is certainly one of the best parts, but it definitely takes work and knowing how to “play the game” ie. knowing when to swallow your pride, how to communicate with your partner in ways that won’t upset them, sending the right messages etc. When relationships don’t work out, I feel the outcome is almost out of either person’s control and that it just wasn’t meant to be. There’s more than one person for everyone out there in the world, it’s just a matter of finding one that makes you happy and cultivating your love for them by building a lasting relationship. Really, there’s no better or more important feeling than love, and you’re a fool not to let yourself fall into it :)

filmfann's avatar

@SmellyBoy Welcome to Fluther. Lurve

SmellyBoy's avatar

@filmfann Thank yah dude… Right back at yah

bumwithablackberry's avatar

What if someone hate’s you and disguises it as love, and then breaks your heart and sends you on your way. That would be confusing.

Utta_J's avatar

Some people think that only fools fall out of love….But i think love is very..distracting in some cases.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Sweet holy moly, anyone who will fall into love is a fool, anyone will will grow into love is wise.

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