Are you a jealous person and if so why and of whom?

Nope. I find that jealous people are basically insecure about themselves. I’m not, so I’m not.

I used to think I was never jealous and couldn’t possibly be jealous. I thought I was so far above that “petty state”. Now I can’t not admit that many times I have been jealous of what another had. Somehow it has to do with the fear that I might not get what I need. It’s not something I’m proud of and it can be a really lousy feeling but sometimes it hits me. And I certainly wouldn’t try to sell you on the concept. I just recognize and try not to indulge it.

@Rarebear I agree Rarebear, I believe it causes physiological problems and those people don’t know why.

I think the closest thing I’ve experienced to jealousy is feeling deeply inadequate or having very low self-esteem, and fearing I’d never be able to become what I hoped to become. So I’d see people living lives and doing things that I admired and feel frustrated, as if I could never live that way or do those things.

I’m not completely sure what turned that around for me. Some of it is building self-confidence over time and learning to recognize your own successes. But I believe there was a definite relationship between my physiological health and my ability to experience good self-esteem and self-confidence. When I went through a long period of illness, I actually experienced hard-core feelings of self-loathing.

So I think jealousy, if it’s at all related to the feeling of low self-esteem, is partly a symptom of underlying illness of some kind.

in reference to the original question: you don’t mean jealous. you mean envious.

Let’s distinguish between jealousy and envy. Envy is begrudgingly wishing you had what somebody else has; for example, you envy their nice house or new car or successful career. They have it and you don’t, and it was never yours. Jealousy has to do with rivalry: someone or something is threatening to take away something you have—your lover, your favored position, your doggie bone—or competing with you for it in such a way that you are troubled and resentful.

no

@SeventhSense I think that is a common feeling we all had, until we got a handle on it, and found out that if we work hard enough we could have it too. Or maybe not if it is our of our reach. Then we finally come to the conclusion that it is only stuff and there will always be people that have more than we do. So I find the best way to handle that is to be happy for that person that they were able to attain that. Beside, it is only stuff. I have never had that issue thank goodness. Actually, I paint, build, and sew and whatever else I want to do. So if I want it I will make it, if that is possible. I mean, I could not build a car or something like that.
But, what about jealousy of other people, such as boyfriend, husband, best briend, sister etc.?

I can honestly say that jealousy/envy has never been an issue for me.

I HAVE felt jealousy in my younger years in intimate relationship, but, in general, no.

Jealousy and envy are such wasted emotions.

One thing I abhore in so many women, including a few I know.

As a female I am not at all competitive or jealous of other females.

I am a pretty balanced and happy spirit.

@Ria777 I think both are very closely related. Both are a sin against yourself. Both are a weakness and can become a cause of sickness in an individual.

@Jeruba I totally agree. Wasted emotion. You are the only one that will suffer.

I was born with a jealous bone in my body and have been fighting it all my life.

Those who claim that to feel an emotion is a sign of moral inadequacy usually have a few inadequacies of their own to address.

Unlike most of the ubermensch in this thread, I’m human. I’ve felt jealousy and envy alike. I simply don’t let it dominate my life, nor dictate my actions, insofar as I can help it. I recognize from what the emotion stems, and if it’s something I can change or fix, then I work to do so. If I can’t, then I do my best to accept it.

As an ambitious (and rather successful by my own definition) person, envy or jealousy walks hand-in-hand with confidence. Sometimes those negative emotions are what drove me to develop the skills that I am now confident in (after all, I didn’t start off skilled—I saw someone else who was better and was determined to be like them). Sometimes it’s just negative energy that gets in your way. I’ve worked hard to be able to harness what I can, and let go of what would kill me.

@Coloma agree 100%. I have a lot of emotion, but jealousy is not one of them. I have never had a reason for jealousy. If I had a boyfriend flirting with someone, or someone flirting with my boyfriend, then I would see things for what they are and either leave it alone or leave. I seem to have an unusual ability for removal (not literally) of disrespectful, disloyal, immoral, and unethical people from my life without much thought. Cold? maybe. There are too many great people in this would to waste time on someone that is not loyal.

@faye , I have known people that just seem to be the jealous type. But what I have also found out is, that or those people don’t love who they are any near as much as they should. And if someone can’t love you as much as you love who you are, then perhaps they are not worthy of you. You are every bit as good as anybody else. I am not say you are guilty of this, but some people think they are not good looking enough, or are too fat, or not quite as smart as some others. I will tell you, I have never in all lmy 67 years, met anyone that is perfect. But, once we appreciate our inner self, we can appreciate our outer self, because we are every bit as beautiful as anybody else. Remember it is in the eye of the person looking. I don’t have any idea why you feel the way you do, but you need to throw away that bone. It is poison to your bodies health. You are too good to allow yourself to belittle yourself to being the 2nd choice for anyone. move on.

@Rangie I don’t live in a state of perpetual jealousy!! lol, I’d die. I think it is that the dynamics of the relationship are wrong to start with and so it has happened.

I guess it’s envy. Basically just money, things, power, position…power over life and death
But I’m not jealous.
Like my Daddy always said, It’s hard to be jealous when you have everything. :)

@faye I didn’t mean to imply that you did live in a state of perpetual jealousy. It is not my purpose to offend anyone. But you know what they say, the older the wiser. It is not that we are smarter, it is just that we have been here observing longer. So for some reason, we think we need to share that knowledge with the younger people, so they will be able to benefit from our experiences in order to enhance their own.
If truth were to be told, I think you are right, we have all probably experienced that. But move on quickly. Thank you for enlightening me to the fact that I just may have experienced a twinge jealousy in my younger years. Not sure, as it was so long ago. hehe

@Rangie Sweetie, you’re all of 12 years older than me and I wasn’t at all offended. I know i’d be happier without that little niggle.

I have also noticed that jealousy/envy can be expressed passive agressively with some.
Witholding is a big one.

I have a ‘friend’ that is ultra stingy with compliments towards anyone that she feels jealous of, and also simply refuses to utter any acknowledgement of a happy sharing, a vacation story, a personel insight that is exciting, enthusiastic sharings of ideas, anothers happy relationship.

Jealously is such a stunting emotion.

@SeventhSense Why would you envy someone when you have everything? And power or whose life and death? You do have a certain amount of power over your life and death. You can choose to disregard your health, in which case you will probably die sooner. The greatest thing is your life is actually yours and yours alone. You have many choices everyday. As for envy, wasted emotion, no doubt about it. Who wins when someone is envious of what someone else has? Nobody.
I say if you like it that much and want it that much, earn the money and go get it. You will appreciate it more that way. There is always someone that has something that you don’t. When does it stop. I say who cares what they have, I have my one ideas what I want or need to make me happy.

I’m agree with your view about jealousy. I respect other people’s independency. I personally don’t believe commitment will rule in how people should act. I just live in my way. I don’t own someone’s life and they don’t own my life. And it has nothing to do with love. I’m more rational.

I’ve only ever fealt jealousy with one person in my life…. however, thats no longer an issue.

I am jeaulos of one girl in school, she and one boy whom I liked first when I started in school, now I really hate him because he’s just soo boring and stuff!!! ande I also hate the girl, she always dresses nice and stuff, but thats not why I hate her. I just don’t know why I even hate her….

Jealous moi? Never!! Oh & this question sucks see & I’‘m so glad I never thought of it, so there.

Kind of. I’ll see a good looking woman and think “man, why can’t I have her body?” lol
When it comes to relationships, I’m more territorial than jealous… Because he’s mine. Back off bitches~

I must admit, I can get jealous when it comes to my boyfriend. I hate feeling that way because he has given me no reason to feel like he is going to run off and leave me for someone else but I do feel threatened by attractive women.

I am a very jealous person when it comes to my boyfriend. I am very threatened by attactive women that he might prefer over me. The thought of it makes me sick and I can get too consumed with jealousy.

@Dibley Not good, jealously can be a scary thing to behold.

@JeffVader I can control it though, so it doesn’t show as much. I think if I did show it as much as I felt it, he would be scared.

@Dibley I know the feeling, even though I know that my boyfriend loves me and is extremely attracted to me, I am still scared of other women.

@Leanne1986 I feel the same, I think I just want to consume his thoughts 24/7! Although when I am feeling anxious I’ll text him some naughty messages, and his replies make me feel good again.

@Rangie
...I have everything. = Joke
...power over life and death…and again a joke.
I do not wish to be God. I’m happy being a cell in his body.
And again none of this makes sense. It’s far too complex to simply explain away or modify behavior. It has to do with your upbringing, environment sociological considerations and a host of other factors.

I’m actually more confident than most because I’m secure enough to express my fallibilty. Most people are far less than honest especially when it comes to self reflection. Self deprecation and humility are in scant supply in society today. EVERYONE has felt envy or jealousy at one time in their life.

@SeventhSense I agree with your way of thinking. I am my own worst critic. I seem to an ability to see my faults, and the first to admit to them. I learned very early on that jealousy was a wasted emotion. The person that you are jealous of doesn’t like and it makes you look very insecure. Jealousy can turn into many bad things, and you will loose every of time. Personally I don’t like to be around jealous people, I find them extremely insecure, spiteful, anxiety ridden, hateful and eventually dangerous.
Most that have felt the pangs of jealousy, realized the fact that it is dead end road, and quite frankly nobody cares, especially the person you are jealous of or about.

You still don’t get it.

@SeventhSense don’t get what?

@Rangie
You express this like it’s an alien life force which you are observing from a distance. Something which you can conveniently distance yourself from as if you weren’t human. “Ahh yes, the jealousy contingency…we will place them in sector 5 and quarantine them from the rest of the population.” That’s not identification. It’s simply denial of your natural state. We’re human. We feel at times jealous, envious, spiteful, angry, lustful, loving, caring, indifferent. callous, compassionate, hateful and tender. There are no exceptions to this. And if you think there are then you need to get out and live love and bleed a little. We’re human beings not droids. If you’re not willing to identify with another without quickly distancing yourself then your just being insecure. Part of maturity is realizing that there is no “other”. It’s all just what we would be and do if circumstances and situations had simply been different. We all do the best we can at any given moment with the awareness we have at any given moment. There are no guilty nor innocent parties.
And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

@SeventhSense Whoa, you think you know me? And don’t tell me I need to get out and bleed a little. You have no idea of my life. I think it is presumptuous of you to assume all humans are alike. Thank goodness we are not.
Some of us have better things to do than waste time being jealous. Who wins from jealousy? A lot of people are hypocrites, but that doesn’t mean we all are, just because we are human.
I suspect you have allowed yourself to take part in jealousy and suffered for it. Otherwise you would not feel the need to scold other people that don’t get involved with that crap. I have better things to do with my time than be jealous of anybody or anything.

@SeventhSense What I am saying is, when I would feel that twinge of jealousy, I would not allow myself to get caught up in it. Why would I want to be with someone that would not want to be with me? Not me, I would rather move on. I did that with my first marriage. I love this man so much, when we married and had 2 children, I never thought we would be separated by anything. But, I was wrong. He was so dedicated to his work as a PHD in biology, that he really didn’t want to be married and decided he didn’t love me anymore. He is a very good man with good intentions, however, he just didn’t love me anymore. We were high school sweethearts. I loved him and respected him enough to let him live his life the way he wanted. NO, it was not another woman. It was, a process of grewing up, and apparently growing apart on his part. I worked and he was in medical school. He is a brilliant man and had something very important to give to society. Which he has done. I really can’t disclose what, as it would expose who he is, and that is not something I wish to do.
I am now remarried for 30 years now, but my first husband and I and my husband are best of friends. Our children never had any hang ups or baggage to carry around. They know they can love anyone they want without being influenced by another. Jealousy is destructive and a waste of time and good energy. How can anyone justify jealousy. No, we don’t all experience it and live with it. It is a choice each of can make. I don’t choose to fall prey to jealously.

You will not finding me holding brief for jealousy as an an emotion – never. It is extremely negative, destructive, spiteful and nasty. Unfortunately, probably because so many people indluge their jealousy, there’s far more sympathy and understanding for jealous people than for those they wound and torment. I have, for much of my life, been the victim of jealousy – and I was hurt, attacked and deprived of what I had earned because of jealous people. I had to learn to conceal my gifts. Jealousy makes life dangerous for exceptional people – people who might otherwise contribute so much to the world and who actually – speaking for myself anyway – do not try to harm others in any way.

And yes – it is a choice – it is not some uncontrollable human urge – we are not animals! Jealousy is basically a desire to harm, a desire that another should not have what they have – happiness, beauty, intelligence, peace, wealth – whatever. Surely, one can let go of that desire to harm! Felling happy (rather than sad) because others are happy/gifted/beautiful is good karma, and will sharpen your brain cells and make you live a happier life. We are not brainless beasts to be driven about by the basest of emotions! We definitely have the ability to cultivate and encourage the positivity in ourselves and to recgnize negativity, when it arises, as negativity – not something to be indulged, but to be let go! Just letit go – it isn’t about guilt or judgment but about making a choice to let go of certain clearly negative inpulses.