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xacrox's avatar

What should I do if my friend told me they'd been raped?

Asked by xacrox (240 points ) March 16th, 2008 from iPhone

is there any hotlines she could call? What can I do to be supportive? What should she do?

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10 Answers

Riser's avatar

She needs to contact the police immediately and contact a therapist that specializes in this kind of psychological trauma. It’s very important she contact the police so they can photograph her injuries in case they catch her attacker.

If the attacker is someone that she knows, first make sure she doesn’t fear for her life, chances are someone who is willing to rape a girl is also willing to take their deeds much further.

It is imperative that, as her friend, you make it clear that you love her, care for her and are there for her but to recognize that, while she should, you can’t force her to be open about the experience but just her knowing that she has an ear and a hug will keep her from more pain that isolation or alienation will ever feel.

But please please PLEASE MAKE SURE SHE GOES TO THE COPS!!!!!!

*Please excuse the typos/grammar, the iPhone is acting very strange toward edits.

Ken00bi's avatar

Don’t come with any solutions, just listen first. I think she should go to the police like Riser says. They may suggest a specialized therapist. It’s probably not a good idea to suppres the strong emotions that come with such a violent crime and stick your head in the sand. It will keep coming back, the loss of control is what makes this crime so nasty, she must do something and take control over her life again. A therapist could help her with that.

stephen's avatar

the most important is what is her self’s opinion to this. maybe she don’t wanna anybody else know it,you can give suggestion but do not self-assertion! anything ya do now should better tell her first and don’t hurt her any more!

scamp's avatar

Riser’s right. The first thing she needs to do is call the police and report it. Go with her when she files her report so she has someone she knows and trusts with her. She will go through a lot of things emotionally, and will need your quiet understanding. The police will set her up with a victim’s advocate to walk her through the legal process.

Be consistent with her. She will at one point probably try to push you away, and if she does, just step back and give her a little room to breathe, but let her know you are always there for her. Tell her this is not her fault. There is nothing any woman does that makes a rapist choose her in particular as a victim.

Help her feel safe. After a rape, fear is one of the biggest and longest lasting fears. She will probably want extra locks on all her doors and windows. I’ve had to stand outside the bathroom door while “A” took a shower, so he couldn’t ‘get her” . She will feel more comfortable if she has someone with her 24/7 while she begins to deal with this.. Even just knowing there is someone in the next room while she sleeps will help.

Help her find programs that will help her regain her power over her own body. That’s a big one. A lot of women gain weight so “no man will look at me like that again”. There are so many layers to her recovery, and I have just touched on a few here. the best two things she can do now are to :
1. report it immediately
2. get into counselling

I’ll be glad to give you more tips and any help I can if you want to PM me. You are a good friend to want to help her so much. I wish you both well. You both have a long road ahead of you. I’m so sorry this happened.

Thesilvertiger's avatar

convince that person that going to the police is the right thing to do.

gailcalled's avatar

My Yellow Pages has two Rape Support Hot lines; one for the city and one for the county. Maybe there is something similar in your area to help YOU support her. I’m very sorry. It is awful

hearkat's avatar

In addition to the other excellent responses above, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network is a well-established organization to help people in such situations. I wish your friend all the courage and strength she needs in handling this crime and overcoming the traumatic effects.

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

I have gone through this experience. If you would like to talk about it or put us in touch, send me a private comment.

bea2345's avatar

Give support in whatever form is needed. Many years ago I failed a close relative after such an event (one of many failures) and have regretted it ever since. She has not forgiven me (nor her attacker).

FAHAD's avatar

from directly ask her to go to he police and try to give her support my side and try to help her…........

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