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nailpolishfanatic's avatar

I like her, should we be friends?

Asked by nailpolishfanatic (6592 points ) August 16th, 2010

HEY GUYS!!!! I am so excited and happy and scared. Today was my first day at my new Pre-IB school in Denmark. I’ve been in Denmark for 1 week. Today we got welcomed by the IB Cordinator and stuff. Then there were tutors from the IB classes who will be helping us through our first weeks at the school. Everyone was really friendly. I made some friends. There is this one girl who I talked to a lot and she’s really friendly, I’ve added her on Facebook and we’ve already started chatting. The only thing that bothers me a little is that she smokes and drinks. Last year I had a friend who drunk and smoked also, but I kinda got into the drink and smoke with her to be cool and hang out with the cool kids mode. I regret it. I am a good girl. But yeah I think we can be good friends who knows,I don’t want to take things for granted. I should accept her as she is.

What do you think?

p.s sorry it’s so long:(

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37 Answers

jfos's avatar

You don’t have to smoke/drink in order to be friends with her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Since you have experience with this kind of a situation, now’s your chance to not have to drink and smoke to appear cool – I agree with @jfos , you can absolutely be friends with her and if she pressures you to smoke and drink, drop her.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You can be friends with this girl,enjoy her company and still be strong enough to resist doing things that are harmful to you.Unfortunately,there is guilt by association and if they engage in drinking or smoking,try not to be present. Good luck and be strong :)

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@jfos @Simone_De_Beauvoir @lucillelucillelucille
Yeah I’ve changed! I don’t have to do things that I don’t want to do just to be cool.
So I guess it’s cool if I don’t drink and do bad things:)

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Thesexier -Exactly! Respect yourself and others will respect you :)

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

or also guys I need some help on something to do with school…

I have an assignment due tomorrow, I have been procrastinating for like 2 hours. I don’t know where to start…

the rules:

- write a story in a genre of your own choice on a memorable school experience you’ve had at any point in your previous education anywhere on this planet. (150–250 words only)
– make a timeline of your whereabouts till now (I don’t really understand it:(. )
the above are to be entered on two (maybe three) separate post-its in a legible hand convenient for posting on the ’ 1i Map Of Our World.

that’s it.
Still I don’t even know where to start…

Hope you don’t mind me asking:/

jfos's avatar

@Thesexier Those are personal topics that we probably don’t know how to describe. We don’t know what school experiences you have had, nor do we know what events have led you to where you are in your life now.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@jfos , ahh!,this is so hard….

Cruiser's avatar

Being away at school presents new and unique opportunities for kids to do things and express themselves they never have before and that they perceive as cool and necessary. You seem to know yourself well enough that you do not need to do crazy things to feel cool and good for you!

But at the same time these new adventurers you are running into may only want to hang with the fast and furious crowd so be prepared to be on the outside looking in and again if it were me…I would care less if that is what they feel the need to do. Do your own thing and enjoy your time there at school “your way”!!

Frenchfry's avatar

That is awesome you don’t do that stuff. Just say you don’t feel like it. Drinking and smoking. They should understand. If they don’t well they are really not your friends. I am happy you are adjusting to your new place so quickly.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Frenchfry , Yeah I can’t believe it either! I was so scared and stressed, sweating and everything when I first arrived at the school school and all I was thinking about was, are the people going to be mean or good and friendly? and it turned out that everyone was really friendly. But the thing that is kind of a disappointment to me is how everyone smokes on the school loan and stuff. Some days ago I was reading the Icelandic news and it said that the councils or something are worried of Danish teens because they drink too early and too much. At the opening day today there were teens drinking in groups and stuff and I was just like what?!!
Well I can live with it!

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

First of all….congratulations on making the move and on starting this new phase of your life!

Secondly, it’s interesting when you mention the girl that you met on the first day. I started to go back in memory to “first days” at new schools for me, and usually the people that I met on the “first day” didn’t end up being the lifelong friends anyway! Usually, I would meet someone in a class or hanging out in the dorm and they would become my closest friend instead. It’s still early on, you know?

The best thing to do…is right at the top make your stance known: “Oh, Julie….I don’t smoke or drink…having done that before, it didn’t go very well for me, so I’ve decided not to do that anymore. Though if you do it, that’s okay.” You don’t need to smoke and drink with someone to be cool.

I have a friend who smokes and drinks and I don’t do either one. So, I just sit and chat and drink tea while she lights up and passes out. I let myself out after that :) Though I have to admit, I hate smelling like an ashtray, so I go home and wash my hair and shower and toss the clothes into the washing machine right away. If she is a friend who forces you to drink and smoke with her to be cool then, she isn’t a friend. So, hang out with healthy people, instead who have your best interest at heart.

The first part is an essay. So, write about something you did in school (in the past) that was really memorable. Perhaps you went on a school holiday somewhere and you did something that was fun/memorable/exciting? Or perhaps you and your school mates did a project that helped someone or put on a play or did some humanitarian work? Or maybe a friend was in trouble and you helped them out?

The second part is a timeline. A timeline is a chart that has the significant dates (in this case anyway) of your life. For example: In 2003,—Living in Helsinki, Spent the summer in Prague with my cousins, learned to speak Czech, etc etc

Here is a link to other useful links to help you with that: link

Then, I think they want you to take three of these incidents/experiences on this timeline, put them on a post-it note so that they can be placed on a map of the world where these took place. (This is how I interpreted it…you may want to ask one of your classmates for clarification.)

Hope all this helps….just take a breath….and enjoy! How exciting to be starting a new life in Denmark. The Danes are lovely and Denmark is friendly and welcoming.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Enforcer , is that a joke or?
I think I’ll stick to my plan of not doing anything drinking or smoking, just be as I am:)

thank you for the advice though.

Frenchfry's avatar

Wow I didn’t know that it’s like that there. Well you know what is good for you. I mean you probably need time to adjust still. You will find people who will accept you as you are. On the good side every drinker needs a babysitter. To pick them up when the fall down. Just Kidding. Sounds like you will be beneificial maybe they will fall your lead of not drinking and smoking. I actually prefer a milk shake over a drink any day.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@DarlingRhadamanthus , All I have to say is WOW, Damn that answer was longxD
But freaking good and made me feel excited about doing the assignment. I think I understand now – perfectly!

And on the smoking and drinking thing, you are right too Though I don’t think we can me life time friends since I will be here only for a year and return back home to Iceland:) But we’ll se how it goes for me and her and some other girls, so it was basically me, her, 1 girl who smokes and drinks also and then 1 girl who is exactly like me So I think that’s fine:)

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Frenchfry , yeah that’s how it is, I didn’t think of it as that either but I just found out. Well for the babysitter part, I am cool with helping her when she’s drunk but not using me :)
Though she said she’s a person who smokes when she has the pack of cigarettes, if not then she doesn’t, she also said she can stop whenever, she’s not like addicted to it or anything.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Enforcer , oh! now I feel strange!
Well hope I didn’t offend your answer.
But I don’t think that’s a good idea of dealing…I am scared of what I see in movies, getting killed

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
truecomedian's avatar

You have experience smoking and drinking but you quit? Afraid that you’ll start up again cause you’ll be around it, not to fit in, you’re above that, but just because. Cigerettes can be enjoyable, and drinking can to. Just examine your motives for even being where you’re at in life, see if maybe the answer is clear if you look at what you’re there for, and that you wouldn’t want to jeopadize in any way, what you can gain from school.

jfos's avatar

@truecomedian Especially at the same time.

wilhel1812's avatar

You should of course be friends with her!
If she want to be your friend, she won’t care if you drink and smoke!

On the other side, the nightlife in Copenhagen and Denmark in general is great! But as I see in your profile that you’re 16, you should maybe wait until it’s comfortable for you. (And smoking is never good. Ever.)

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@truecomedian , Yeah.. well I don’t think I’m ever going to start, I didn’t smoke for a long time it was just some weeks, not everyday
Also I know I can control myself!

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@wilhel1812 , you were stalking me!!:O:O _lol
Yeah I’m not a party and club what-so-ever person, I would rather be at home with my family watching something good that me outside late and clubs or whatever. I would say that I am a an unsocial person, shy, would rather be alone person I guess.

wilhel1812's avatar

@Thesexier I would say the same about myself when i was 16, but in a few years, things mght change and a small trip to a pub with some friends suddenly won’t sound so bad ;) Not that I’m encouraging you to do something you won’t. Don’t.
Oh, and I’m really sorry, I did stalk your fluther profile. Can you forgive me?

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@wilhel1812 , aww of course I forgive you!
Cute puppy eyes.

Scared to admit but I have a phobia of dogs. not maybe the small ones like this but huge ones and if they barkle, -that’s worse!

Winters's avatar

friends should accept friends for who they are, so why the hell not?

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Winters , yeee:D I like that!:)
Also people should just take others for whom they are and not try to change them!

deadhead's avatar

If you like her let things be as they are.But remove the smoke and over indulgence and let things work out if possible.But don’t let her bring you down.It’s not worth it.She may be very nice but,have some addiction problems.Don’t try to be her counselor or cure her yourself.Good- Luck.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@deadhead , I won’t try to be her counselor.

Frenchfry's avatar

@deadhead Counselor at 16. Yeah I would not advise that. She probably does not need another parent but a friend. Sexier is a cool person but might give up her evil ways without saying a word to be as cool though.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Frenchfry :D , but I don’t really understand the sexier is a cool person but might give up her evil ways without saying a word to be as cool though

Well for starters, today was my second day at school, it was awesome! I made another friend who is clean, she’s muslim so she doesn’t do those bad things. Also we do have a lot in common:)

Frenchfry's avatar

@Thesexier Did it come out funny.I said or meant you were cool and your Friend , I forgot friend might give up her evil ways( smoking and drinking) to become as cool as you, Sexier.

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

@Frenchfry , Oh lol, that’s so sweet of you.
Thank you:)

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