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john65pennington's avatar

Which one would you chose.....your wife or your mother?

Asked by john65pennington (29235points) October 11th, 2010

This situation was faced by a friend of mine. He has been married about 15 years to the same woman. His mother suddenly became ill and required his attention everyday, in order to feed her and take care of her personal business. My friends wife became jealous, because he was paying more attention to his mother, rather than her. In-home nursing was not a possibility and a nursing home was not financially possible, either. His dad is deceased and there is no other family member healthy enough to assist my friend with his mother. Question: Since my friend is on the brink of divorce, which person should he chose to be with? His wife or his mother and why?

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13 Answers

bggens's avatar

his mother. His wife is acting like an infant . good riddance.

Berserker's avatar

What @bggens said. She should be able to understand that. Did he try explaining this to her?

Not that he should HAVE to.

john65pennington's avatar

She understands his situation completely. i would hate to see a divorce over this. i am wondering how a divorce court would approach a situation like this?

Berserker's avatar

I’m no expert in relationships, but I’m going to guess that as far as this potential divorce goes, there’s more to it than this particular issue?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’d choose my mother even if I did like her – what kind of a partner would make a fuss about this?

faye's avatar

I wonder why the wife wasn’t helping? It doesn’t sound like she’s worth worrying about.

jrpowell's avatar

Jesus.. I’m a selfish dick and even I would tell the wife to fuck off.

Ask her her opinions on the Terri Schiavo case.

FutureMemory's avatar

Mom. No explanation required.

Frenchfry's avatar

The mom hands down. I would divorce too if my husband had a problem over taking care of my family if needed. Any family son, cousin, daughter, uncle. They are blood. If they were sick, I am there, and my S/O had threaten divorce because he is not getting enough attention. I would say” Have a nice life, See ya!”

partyparty's avatar

Perhaps a sharing role of caring for his mother would help both her husband and his mother.
Is she being possessive and selfish I wonder?
She should put herself in her mother-in-laws position. She may be there herself one day.
Share the workload!

Aster's avatar

His mother, of course, but as someone suggested there may be other issues like could he have a history of hanging with mom too much?
Regardless, mom.

lonelydragon's avatar

Of course he should keep taking care of his mother, but I don’t think his wife’s feelings should be swept under the rug. As you said, she understands his situation. But just because we understand something, it doesn’t mean that we have to like it, or that we are able to cope with it. The fact of the matter is that caring for a sick parent puts a heavy strain on a marriage. In order for a romantic relationship to survive, we must pay some attention to our partners (not exclusively, of course). Even if we have a very good reason for not giving them our attention, they still have a right to be saddened by the changes in the relationship. Only a very detached person would be indifferent to the fact that they can’t spend as much time with their spouse, or that they no longer get any privacy.

Also, as @Aster says, the wife may be suffering from bottled up frustration if her husband has put his mother first at times when it was not appropriate to do so. If that is the case, she may be at the end of her patience.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to this situation. It can be very difficult for a marriage to thrive under these trying circumstances. My heart goes out to this struggling couple.

Ron_C's avatar

He is fortunate to have his mother still around. Mine died when I was 9. Personally, I would have never married a woman that self centered. I think that it is likely that if the “mother issue” hadn’t come up his wife would have found another excuse. I think she decided that she doesn’t want to be married, if I was him, I’d grant her wish.

I have seen but never understood this type of family feud. I have always felt lucky to have a family and would do everything possible to avoid a conflict like this up to and including divorce.

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