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janbb's avatar

Perhaps more interesting question: Is marrying your soulmate optimal?

Asked by janbb (58011points) October 18th, 2010

Hypothetically, we are all looking for our soulmate. But is a soulmate necessarily the best partner for you for life? Perhaps a moody dreamer is better off with a practical, even-tempered realist. Or an artist with a scientist? An anxious introvert with a calm extrovert? Your thoughts?

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14 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Depends..on what you want out of a marriage. I do get what you’re saying though. Of the two people I was in love with at the same time, a couple of years back…(one of ‘em was Alex) the other one would not have been a good marriage option for me even if I loved them equally and they are both my soulmates.

wundayatta's avatar

Presumably, if it’s your soulmate, then he or she is different from you in exactly the perfect ways. If it’s your soulmate, then marrying him or her is what you want to do. If you don’t want to marry them, they are not your soulmate.

Blackberry's avatar

I want a sexy, nihlistic scientist. Smart and sexy is the best personality lol.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Stidies of long-term marriages where both parties indicate a high degree of satisfaction with the relationship indicate that in most successful marriages, the partners have a common background sufficient to understand each other well, but enough differences to keep the relationship interesting. But there are always the exceptions to the rule where relationships are concerned.

In my own experience, both at a personal level and as a relatively successful counselor, if both parties go into the relationship with the idea that they will do everything they can to make it succeed, it will. But if they go into it with the idea that they can always get a divorce, they eventually will.

john65pennington's avatar

According to every astrogical sign in the universe, my wife and i are exact opposites. i am a Sag. and she is a Cancer. after all these years together, we found our middle-ground, about 30 years ago. i give in, she gives in and all is well.

What if i had married another Sag.? would we still be together, since we are indentical in every way? good question.

I do not deal with fate. our stary combination has worked for us as soulmates. each couple is different and has to find their own way.

chyna's avatar

At this point I’m okay with warm and breathing, preferably with teeth.~

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It makes for some very boring stories if one’s friends marry their soulmates.
@chyna-Teef are good XD

CaptainHarley's avatar

I think we differ on the definition of “soul mate.”

iamthemob's avatar

Did this become a contest?

CaptainHarley's avatar

Um… not that I’m aware of.

picante's avatar

Great question, @janbb. I’ve wondered about this, too.

At core, I think I change too much over time to lock in a image of who my “soulmate” is. Frankly, the idea that there is one perfect person (or even a dozen perfect people) for me is a little disconcernting. I suppose I like to think of myself as more mutable and more open to my many soul brothers and sisters.

I appreciate @CaptainHarley‘s response—seems spot on to me.

Pandora's avatar

I think a soul mate indicates that this person is the perfect person for you. To others on the outside it doesn’t matter if you both seem to be not made for each other. It matters that you both compliment each other in a perfect way for each of you.
When I met my husband, I can’t tell you how many people thought he wasn’t the one for me. We did have many differences but we had several things in common that most people never noticed. We both are extremely good at reading each other and understanding each other. So well that at less than 2 weeks time we were engaged. It is now going to be 29 years since we have been happily together.
I can’t imagine not being married to my soul mate.
If someone is bad for you as you suggest than that person is most likely not your soul mate to begin with. I find people often confuse lust and dependence for someone being a soul mate.
A soul mate returns your feelings, and the feeling of lust is replaced with love, and you are both better for being in each others life. No one person in the relationship is lord over the other.

janbb's avatar

I guess I was thinking of a soulmate as someone with the same personality traits and interests as you, as opposed to someone with complimentary talents. I also don’t believe there is only one person in the world for each of us. My husband and I are very different people although we have the same values and intellectual abilities and I sometimes wonder if this is what makes it work, rather than being with someone who is tempermentally my equivalent.

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