Is it possible to have a fulfilling and lasting long distance relationship?

When I was in my last year of high school, my boyfriend at the time (we’re no longer together, but the breakup had nothing to do with distance) moved about 5 hours away for college. We were able to visit each other every couple of months, and talked on the phone almost every day. We sent letters and cards in the mail, too. He actually moved back home after a year away, and we broke up about a year after that. While things were good, though, they were really good, although he wasn’t near.

I would think that long-distance relationships would be a lot easier nowadays than they were 12 years ago, because of video chat, texting, IM, all that stuff. Hang in there.

Sure.If his penis is one day and six hours long.
Or approximately 1000–1100 miles ;)

I’ve been in a long distance relationship (2,000 miles apart) for nearly four years. It’s certainly hard to be apart, but it’s so worth it. We will be getting married this year at the end of May. Ultimately getting to spend our lives together is totally worth every lonely day in the last four years.

My question is whether either of you have any intention of moving? Our relationship has worked because we knew that as soon as it was possible, I would move to where he is and we would stay together forever. There is no way we could have kept at it without any end in sight. However, if you know you will eventually be together and you’re certain he’s worth it, then you can handle any amount of distance for any amount of time.

Yes. Several thousand of our servicemen have successful long distance relationships with their spouses and significant others.

My husband and I were long-distance when we were dating, spent the first 4 months of our marriage long-distance, and then ended up spending almost the whole 2nd year we were married long-distance. We survived and are still doing great!

When we were dating, we visited when we could. At first it was every other weekend because we were only a 3 hour drive apart. Then when the military moved him, it was about every 6 weeks or so. We got married while still being long-distance and finally ended our distance 4 months after getting married. We always knew that I would be moving to be with him because of his career. The year of marriage we spent apart was because he was deployed overseas.

Through all of our times apart, we stayed connected by talking on the phone, through instant messages online, e-mails, text messages, and by having “dates”. Our dates consisted of things like meeting online and playing games together, watching the same movies (even going to the movie theater at the same time once), eating the same thing for dinner and talking while we were eating, and some other webcam time. ;)

We sent care packages, cards, and letters to each other. We were there for each other as best we could be.

Long-distance relationships can work, it just depends on the people involved and their ideas of what’s going to come from the relationship. I’ve seen relationships fail for many reasons, but most of them are the same reasons any other relationship fail. One big difference for long-distance relationships is because after a while, people realize that neither of them want to move from where they are. That’s why it’s important to understand where things are headed and understand each other’s expectations on who will do the moving when the time comes.

If you’d been together for a long time (in the same city) and then he had to move away for work or because he was in the military, you might have a better chance.

But because he moved away before you really got to know him in the real sense, you are kind of living an “image life” with him. You really need to spend every day with a person (in the same city and hopefully in the same house, after awhile) to truly get to know someone with all of their great wonderful traits in addition to all of their not so pleasant traits. In other words you need to know the good the bad and the ugly about someone before you can truly say that you know them.

Part of getting to truly know someone involves lots of really mundane situations like listening to the other person clear his throat, learning about their bathroom habits, figuring out whether the other person is a slob or a neatnik, or whether the person can cook, will help you with the housework, whether your mate likes your friends and will tolerate and be polite to your family members, what they think about animals, how they treat the mailman and the telemarketer on the phone that calls during dinner, whether they leave underwear or snack wrappers on the floor and whether they’re a person who throws out stuff (sometimes your stuff) or whether they are a hoarder (and hang on to crap you want thrown out).

The list goes on and on, but these are things that you need to know about a person before you declare them “your other half” or “the one.” Even if you talk all the time (or skype) or text, you are still only dealing with an “image” of the other person, not the whole person. But every day both of you are doing things and talking to people and having thoughts and feeling desires and and consuming meals and interacting with friends, lots of very mundane things that the partner will never know about. Water is rushing under the bridge, but it’s not the same bridge. Often, you will hear that when couples have been carrying on a long distance relationship (which seems fine) then when they finally come together in the same town, that’s when they realize that they have different ideas about how to live their lives. When all of the boring “poop hits the fan.“Because you don’t live in the same city, you are literally leading separate lives, no matter how often you talk on the phone or chat online. It’s just not the same thing.

I think it’s really hard for people in the military, but it’s a little different for them because the couple is usually making a huge committment to each other and to the service itself and being separate is just part of the package. But even in those cases, a lot of those relationships don’t survive after the service member comes home because they realize that they were indeed living separate lives. In the case of military separations, the wife often takes on all of the responsibilities of home life including paying all of the bills, taking care of the car maintenance, taking care of all of the housework in addition to cutting the lawn and getting the washing machine fixed as well as raising any children they might have. When the service member comes home he/she will want and need to take over some of those responsibilites, but the stay at home half of the couple has now come very independent and may not want to give up those responsibilies. Plus the one that was left at home has no idea how to relate to the situations that the service member had to go through, no matter how much they might want to understand or try to relate. But I think folks in the military have a better chance than your average “long distance couple” because their is a profound commitment involved with joining the military for both the service member and the spouse.

If you really see yourself being with this person for the long haul, then you should be making some kind of specific plan with regards to one or both of you moving in the future to be together in the same city. Will you move there? Will he move where you are? Or will you both move somewhere else, but together? If you don’t have the money, how will you raise the money to make the change down the line? Do you have some kind of a time limit on how long you will continue to be “long distance” before you either move or breakup? Or can you envision yourself being in a long distance relationship forever? Would that be ok for you?

The worst problem with long distance relationships is that usually one or both of the parties gets lonely. How the couple deals with the lonlieness is what will determine the outcome of the relationship.

If you can handle it. I can’t.

Sometimes in a relationship like this, a person becomes not a person but a “romantic ideal.” You only deal with the text messages, e-mails, etc. You don’t have to put up with thoughtlessness, being stood up because of work/his family/his friends, bad moods, boredom, etc.

I think long distance relationships only work if there is a commitment, and if there is a concrete plan to live in the same place on X date. Relationships that exist with separation because of work/military service are hard enough even with commitment. Without commitment, you’re pining away for something that only exists in your head.

my friend has a boyfriend that is in the army , and she feels that the distance has helped there relationship because it seems more special and exciting when they are with each other . just try stay strong about this , if you have lasted 2 years it must be working one way or another

I don’t think it’s easy if the relationship is just starting out. Sure, if you’ve been together for quite a few years, and if regular contact is such a huge habit that it’s a compulsion, it could work.