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Shippy's avatar

Did you ever lose everything, and then make it again?

Asked by Shippy (9870points) July 31st, 2012

I mean everything, your home, your furniture, the lot. Your career as well, and did you ever get it back together again. Did it feel like the end of the world for you? How long did it take to pull it back together again? And how did you manage?

Due to m y illness I am in this situation but I am ever hopeful and do believe we have “many” lives. But at the time it feels like the end of the world. I guess it is, as I know it. But I am staying positive. I would love to hear some maybe inspiring stories, and would appreciate anyone who shares one.

Thank you.

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13 Answers

Bellatrix's avatar

When my first husband and I divorced, I walked away with pretty much nothing but my three children and some old furniture. I had to rent a relative’s house and she left me with some of her old stuff. I was studying full-time and wasn’t earning anything. My current husband was left with very little after his first relationship broke down too. Six months after we got together he was retrenched. Huge change from being in a very well paid, high profile position. We pretty much had nothing between us but each other and three children to look after.

Within 11 years we both have great careers, we are financially very secure and most importantly, we are happy, healthy and our (mine but he is more of a dad to them than their real dad has ever been) children are happy and healthy.

Where you are isn’t the end of the world, it is a fork in the road of your life journey. Have a vision in your mind about where you want to go from here, what you want to achieve and start taking one step at a time down that path. I agree we have many lives. I think I am on to about my fourth and I have no doubt I will have changes ahead of me I don’t anticipate and some of them will be challenging. That’s the fun of life. Never knowing what’s coming next. As long as you believe in yourself, you can get through any of those challenges.

Shippy's avatar

Thank you so much, I kind of feel as though life is pushing me in a different direction (if that makes sense?). Maybe the only way for me to change things is by force. I am so glad you turned your life around and like you say health wise too is such a blessing. I love your last paragraph so much. Yes, I need to get my vision, that way I will not feel this awful foreboding and fear. Once I have my vision it could be seen as an adventure even!

Sounds light hearted but said is all earnestness. Because the last few years of my life has had no adventure. So maybe it is time. Thank you again so much. Blessings to you and your family and I admire your strength and courage.

Pandora's avatar

Kind of with the exception of the job. We had to stay with friends for a while. With luck and the blessing of kind people who gave us this or that along the way to help us out, we were able to come out of it all and pull ourselves up again. Thanks for reminding me. I forget once in a while that there were people who blessed us with kindness during those hard times. Funny enough it was often strangers who then became friends, and of course family as well.
I think we survived because we didn’t think it ever an option to give up or not try our hardest to survive. We had some cranky moments but shortly as we got a place of our own to live, we discovered I was pregnant. I think that is when survival mode really kicked in. I didn’t feel sad for myself but rather, I think it set my mind to auto survival mode. There was a new person depending on us succeeding and we weren’t going to let anything keep us from doing that.
Of course illness is a different thing. But you can begin with being determined to lick whatever it is you have or at least to make it livable. My dad had hepatitis for almost 19 years and he did everything possible to nourish his body and make it strong as possible. His doctors thought at the most he had 7 years, but he was determined to be able to work and provide for his family. He worked till I was 18 and a few months later he passed away. The human body is a remarkable thing. Don’t doubt your ability to heal. You hear of miracles everyday. Some may be such a thing but I believe others are just the ignorance of doctors. If a text book taught them A+B =C than that’s that. There are plenty of people who’s bodies can make D+B =C. I’ve seen so many examples of it. I believe there is a lot still that doctors don’t know about the human body’s ability to repair itself and reverse some damages.

Shippy's avatar

Thank you Pandora, just finding it difficult to deal with you know unpaid this and that, But I guess worse things can happen. Thank you for your story and great courage. Your dad sounded great!

wundayatta's avatar

It has not happened to me personally, but it has happened to a number of people in my group. Most recently, a good friend was arrested at his house by fifteen cops. His wife had apparently been very effective in convincing them he was a threat.

He went to jail until he could get bailed out. He lost some teeth in jail. He lost his home. He lost his wife. He lost his son. He lost his income.

In the past two years, he has won the case and gotten a divorce, which is a good thing. He has not managed to see his son, though, and he doesn’t know where they are living. The big thing is he got an apartment with another member of our group. Then he got involved in a political brouhaha at city hall, which led to him being picked up as a commentator. He is writing a blog that gets seen by 2.3 million eyes worldwide, enough to allow him to move into his own apartment and start to pay off some of his debts.

I think you just do what you have to do. What amazes me is that even people who are depressed still manage to keep it together. I know that when I was depressed, I was kind of hoping to commit suicide by homelessness. I felt I needed to suffer a lot before I died. Fortunately, there were a lot of people who cared about me when I didn’t, and they kept me from doing myself in.

But even if they hadn’t been there, I wonder if I really would have wanted to die as much as I thought I did. I think that even when one is sick, the urge to survive runs strong, and eventually, I would have done something I could have felt good about, and maybe forgiven myself for my sins, and allowed myself to take care of myself. I believe I might be able to recover from losing everything. But I don’t want to try it.

flutherother's avatar

I flew back to the UK with two suitcases and no keys in my pocket and no job. That was the low point four and a half years ago. I now have a job and my own flat and things are better than I ever thought they would be again. I survived it by living it one day at a time and staying true to myself. There was the life before, there is the life after but it is the same me.

Pandora's avatar

@Shippy You will be surprised to hear that a lot of bills can be minimized if you talk to creditors about what is going on. When my husband and I were in trouble, we talked to the bank. They actually worked out a payment arrangement for us to pay them back a little at a time. They took the interest off the loan that my husband made before we got married and once we were paid our credit did not reflect anything negative. I use to work and have to investigate the credit of future renters and some could not qualify because of bad credit because of recent events that made them unable to pay. We would advise them to talk with the creditors and they found many where receptive to getting something rather than nothing. Even if it meant the payments where smaller than the original agreement. In the end they just want all that is owed them, even if it will take longer. Some will even lower the interest rates or drop the interest. Especially if the payments have been steady for some time and they think you a responsible customer.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Two times almost a decade apart. No home, no job, no savings most belongings sold/gone. It didn’t feel like the end of the world and I did have friends but there was a sad heaviness and I did go through a time of asking myself if I wanted to even try and put things together and risk the same thing happening again. Each time I recovered, I was glad I did hang in there and it’s become a small spot of pride I feel I can land just about anywhere and get myself going.

Good things came from those experiences. I learned to budget well, grew greater appreciation for security and to never feel ashamed for the things money can buy like out of debt, into better healthcare and the best of all, living without credit once it was settled. You can get into a better position, you might be surprised how quickly time flies and you get out of debts or pay up on some job training.

Shippy's avatar

@Pandora Good idea, I think today my brain went into full throttle overdrive. Thats when there is chaos and no results. I am just finding these answers so calming, it is not the end of the world after all. And if approached most creditors are amicable. Not all though, as I had a bad outcome on a major issue in this regard. But I will keep trying. Much appreciated.

Shippy's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Thanks for sharing, I too have had it bad and had it good. Its just one of those things I guess. I am also thinking to take it day by day. Dress well, sleep properly, and deal with each issue as it comes up. I look forward to reporting when I am on the up and up to you all on this page!

Paradox25's avatar

I was homeless at one point in my life, where I had no job, no phone number, no friends (well I lost the fair weather ones), little money and no vehicle. If it wasn’t for a few social help programs and my grandmother I would had never made it out of my personal abyss. I’m still trying to recover from losing a good paying job that I was good at, by taking a lower paying job that I’m not great at (not my normal career field), and I’m still trying to play catch up with many of the bills where I fell behind in. Well, at least my house is paid off, and my vehicle is close to being paid off.

filmfann's avatar

Everyone thought of me as a kind person, and an excellent tech.
Accusations were made, which ruined my reputation That stressed me out, and the stress strained my marriage, and my concentration at work, damaging my work rep.
2 years later, accusations were withdrawn, truth was told, and my rep and work rep were restored.
I still bear some of the scars, but I am doing the best I can to show I am not permanently damaged.

_Whitetigress's avatar

I believe there may be somethings in your past that may have you cringing when you think about it.

I remember feeling lost in a cave, at the bottom of the ocean and I had to hold my breathe and see how far I’d make it until I’d run out of air before I reached the top. I had a very poor and depressing attitude. Life as I knew it was crap. I felt like I would die within 5 years. What helped me was to write stories of where I went wrong, or where I felt I went wrong, and had my version of the story written down. I didn’t journal. I wrote a story with fictional characters that represented my then life. It was a good way to vent, reflect and learn from my mistakes. In your case I wouldn’t call it a mistake, but definitely a reflection period. And you’re right, you’re life is headed in a different direction, however keep at that direction, new paths=new outlook=new adventures=new triumphs=new disappointments =new successes

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