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browneyes's avatar

How do I stop worrying so much?

Asked by browneyes (133points) May 15th, 2014

Okay, my name is Alison, and I am 24. My fiance, Christoph, is a bail enforcement agent (a bounty hunter, more or less.) It’s a very dangerous job, as you can imagine, and it makes things difficult sometimes; he works a lot of long hours, and I worry about him whenever he leaves for work. He is only 33, and he has already been shot twice. Luckily, they were not too serious; one in the arm and one in his shoulder. He healed just fine but nothing can seem to scare him out of this career. He loves what he does, and I would never ask him to stop doing what he has a passion for. I worry a lot, though. I am home a lot more than he is, and I spend a fair amount of time alone. My family lives far away, and most of my friends are already married, so I try to find other things to occupy my time, so I don’t just sit around being sick with worry. I can’t help it sometimes, though. The thought of losing him makes my breath catch in my throat. He is such a gentleman, and I have never had anyone treat me so well. I love him more than anything and I know that there is no one in the world that I would rather be with, which is why I worry so much. How can I keep myself from thinking about it constantly? I feel like a crazy person. Whenever I’m alone, it seems like I just think up the worst possible situations. I just love him so much, and I worry about him getting hurt or killed… Advice?

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10 Answers

chyna's avatar

Have you considered going to counseling? Apparently this is going to be his occupation for a long time and things won’t be changing, so you are going to have to learn to deal with your emotions.

flip86's avatar

Maybe find a support group for police or military wives. You will be able to relate to them more than your other friends.

BosM's avatar

Ask yourself if he is doing everything he can to be safe. Does he wear a bullet proof vest if needed and have the necessary equipment and technology to do his job? If he is doing all he can to be safe and effective then you need to find a way to support him. If he’s worried about you it may sidetrack his focus.

You are at the beginning of a lifetime commitment so be very sure about this relationship, and if you are then find ways to cope such as counseling or a support group as has been suggested. Good luck.

CocoSmith's avatar

I believe in fate and destiny. You don’t need to worry about him too much. It can change nothing.

Coloma's avatar

The saying “til death do us part” has no demarcation lines.
Sometimes sooner, sometimes later, but really, you need to understand that any of us could die at any time.
Sure, his profession is high risk, just like being a cop, or a pilot or a race car driver, or a jockey but, then again, do you know how many people die in car accidents, and other unforseen accidents.
The Prince of Wales BIL just died slipping and falling and cracking his head at a charity event in NYC recently at age 62.

As long as he is taking all the precautions his career mandates, all you can do is hope for the best and realize that anything can happen to any of us at any time. All the worrying in the world won;t change a thing, and, it could be you that gets injured or dies from something unexpected.
All this fear and worry when tomorrow morning at 9:03 a.m. you choke to death on an apricot. haha
Life is fragile and fleeting, and nobody gets out of here alive.

ibstubro's avatar

“I spend a fair amount of time alone.”
Get a job? The people there will distract you and give you something else to worry about.
If you have a job, think about volunteering.

Occupy your time.

Honestly, your alternatives are drink and dope. Both would probably be the end of your relationship.

Think about this: You two are paired up for a reason. Maybe he craves someone to worry about him, and you crave someone to worry about. If that’s the case, just friggin go with it!

Adagio's avatar

This is totally unrelated to the question you ask but I wanted to say I think you offer too much information regarding your names, occupation, age. I would be a little more careful with your private details, you never know who could be reading this.

DipanshiK's avatar

If he loves his job then you should support him through thick and thin. It’s a grievous job and it’s only fair that you worry about him. But you will have to just live with it and trust him.

browneyes's avatar

@ibstubro Oh I do have a job, it’s just that work a lot less hours than him. He puts a lot of time into his work.

jca's avatar

@browneyes: Try to exercise, take up a hobby or do something where you can meet some people and become friends – a book group, a gym, a historical society, take a class on a topic that interests you, Volunteer at something you feel is a worthy cause (animal shelter, community group, Habitat for Humanity or other charitable organization).

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