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What would you do in this situation, or what would you possibly want me to do? (I guess somewhat relationship oriented)

Asked by XOIIO (18328points) April 20th, 2015

Alright so I’m asking because usually I can think about these things in a logical manner, and sort of play things out ahead of time, and I usually wouldn’t even consider this kind of thing, but it seems my logical thought process has been overridden a bit.

Now yes this is another dreaded relationship oriented thing, but it’s not about dreams or anything like that so hopefully it’s not too unbearable.

There is one person in my class (trade school so not highschool drama stuff) that seems to have gotten under my skin a bit, and no matter how hard I try I can’t shut down emotionally like I normally do and go back to just existing, going to class, and nothing more.

Part of it is because of my tendency to over analyze things, and the problem I guess is that from the first couple times that I saw her part of me was interested. We ended up talking somehow and now are what most people would consider friends.

The problem is since I have an unbiased part in it, being interested in her, I’m not sure that I can interpret her behavior properly. A lot of the time there are interactions that would seem like she is flirting with me, she tends to laugh at sexual jokes, though that could just be her sense of humor, I’m not really sure. I believe she also said something that would have meant she didn’t think I was completely unattractive, though that was nearer to the start of the year, and I can’t recall much about it.

I can’t really read anything body language wise, but I’m probably not great at that anyways. She seems fairly comfortable around me, though I think that she is a very open person, she seems to talk about sexuality or joke about sex fairly easily, I offered her a ride a few times so in private company she acted the same.

Anyways, someone else in the group we were working with was talking about how he “scored” recently, and she spoke about how she hadn’t “scored” in four months, and to shut up because he’s making everyone else feel bad (jokingly).

At the end of the day I brought it up casually, saying “So you haven’t done anything in four months even though you are in a relationship?” and she confirmed that.

Now, I did steer this a little bit, previously we talked about pets, cats vs dogs, etc, and she was talking about how relationships with cats are just going to eachother if they want attention and if not saying “fuck off”, I said it sounds like most marriages jokingly, and she said “it sounds like mine” and paused a bit (she is essentially common law with her S/O)

So I asked her if he had been away on trips or if she hadn’t seen him for much of that period or something like that, and she said no, again seeming somewhat glum about it, we exchanged a couple more comments on it and I said that “It doesn’t make sense to me, you are obviously a very attractive person physically”, I can’t quite recall exactly what she said after that, it wasn’t a negative reaction, and I went on it so “I mean if he did get into a relationship with you he knows you as a person and would be interested in you along those lines, so that would leave physical appearance as the reason, that doesn’t make sense.

After that she said “you know that’s the first time you’ve complimented me, event though it was a bit backhanded, she seemed a bit cheerier, and I corrected saying no, you are attractive (I believe she thought I said that she seemed physically attractive but that was when I was talking about personality and knowing her as a person.) Her bus arrived and She said “Well it must be me, and I said “No, it definitely isn’t”. She seemed a bit happier after the conversation.

Anyways, I’m not really sure how to read this situation, or sure what I should do next, it seems she has trouble with her current relationship, though she did come back with flowers on valentines day (but she hasn’t been touched in four months? That makes no sense), I guess she enjoyed the compliment, meaning she didn’t find me complimenting her appearance entirely disgusting.

If she is having a crappy relationship, hearing some nice things would probably make her feel a lot better, and there is a lot I would like to say, if I didn’t remember at the time that she is way out of my league (usually when talking with her I pretty much forget that sort of thing for a while)

That being said I don’t think I want to start fucking with their relationship in whatever state it is, though part of me could be thinking along those lines and I don’t really know it yet, but it could actually make her happier which would be a nice thing to do for her.

I also don’t really know much relationship wise but it sounds like he is overprotective/jumps the gun a bit, they have been together years and there was one incident where she was dosed with rufilin, and you can imagine what happened next, and I guess when he first found out he assumed that she had cheated, and wanted to kill the guy (not sure if he knew what actually happened at that point). I am not sure if he is abusive at all, I suppose I could ask but that could be a really touchy subject, anyways that’s another thing to factor in.

So I’m wondering what I should do, tomorrow I’m thinking of asking if he enjoyed the compliment or if it was weird, and if she enjoyed it say that there is a lot more I could say if it could make her feel better, or something along those lines. I have no clue what response she would give.

Anyways I’m stuck. I’m also looking for the opinion of someone of the female gender, of course there is very little information on her situation, but does it sound like she would possibly want more compliments or have some vague interest, even though she stated that she things dating people in the same class would be “weird” (not that it would ever get to that point)

I don’t really want to start fucking with someone’s relationship, but if it’s turned into something crappy, she deserves better, and maybe someone else complimenting her would set wheels in motion and she could maybe realize that there are plenty of people who would be interested her and find someone who treats her better (essentially with me being the catalyst)

Sorry for the massive wall of text over this really quite unimportant matter but I can’t get it out of my brain and it’s driving me a bit nuts.

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