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cinnamonk's avatar

Did you have an abusive parent (or parents)?

Asked by cinnamonk (5397points) October 9th, 2016

If so, my follow-up questions are:

How is your life now?

Have you had success in overcoming your past? What techniques have helped you?

Thanks in advance for your replies. I know this is a sensitive topic and not easy to talk about.

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12 Answers

canidmajor's avatar

Would you please specifically define “abusive” here? There are different kinds of parental abuse that can irrevocably damage a child.

cinnamonk's avatar

@canidmajor I mean it in the broadest sense, including physically, sexually, verbally, and psychologically abusive parents. Basically, this question is meant for anyone who considers their parents to have been abusive towards them.

canidmajor's avatar

Thank you for clarifying.

anniereborn's avatar

Yes. And I have lived with PTSD from it most of my life. However I also have Bipolar (likely inherited from my father). The two of those disorders do not play well together. I had to go on Disability 15 years ago and haven’t worked since.

What has helped me most is therapy, psyche meds have also been beneficial.
My life now is quite a challenge, especially financially due to not being able to work. Also my disorders make being functional quite difficult.

cinnamonk's avatar

@anniereborn that honestly sounds like a nightmare. Sorry it’s been so rough on you.

kritiper's avatar

Yes. My father should never have married my Catholic mother, and he even admitted that he wondered how he was going to get out of the marriage while walking out of the church. He wanted to be a teacher, a profession that didn’t make a lot of money, and his family had very little, if any, to begin with. The more kids my father sired, the greater his money problems became, and the more (I believe) he regretted his involvement.
And he was a horny guy. You’d think he would get the idea after having two children, but he went on to have eight. More children, less available cash.
And he had anger management issues. He and I got into a knock-down-drag-out one night in the bathroom, with the whole family listening to the battle. At one point he sucker punched me and broke my nose. There was blood EVERYWHERE!
Mom being a good Catholic didn’t help matters. It was her goal in life to have lots of children, and she did her best. She would have had more than eight if the doctor hadn’t tied her tubes because any more might kill her.
And the children suffer to this day, I think, myself included. I am haunted with self-esteem issues, as (IMO) are many of the others.
The oldest got married, somewhat of a fluke.
The next never married, same as myself.
The forth has been married twice (and is a MAJOR bitch).
The fifth never married and is homeless.
The sixth never married.
The seventh married but is now divorced, no fault of his own.
The last is married but has a child who is autistic. This girl was once the most rational person in the family but has since gone totally unrealistic and she and I are no longer speaking.
Time has helped heal. Other jerks one comes across in life hamper and even retard progress.
C’est la vie, c’est la guerre.

cookieman's avatar

You could define some of my mother’s behavior as verbally and/or emotionally abusive, but I don’t consider it that. She was just selfish and crazy.

cinnamonk's avatar

@cookieman did your mother’s behavior adversely affect you?

Seek's avatar

Yes. We’re coming up on the nine year anniversary of the day I broke contact with my entire family.

It’s been pretty fantastic.

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

I was groped and teased by my father. I’m ok now. I stopped talking to him for 15 years.

Dutchess_III's avatar

God, I am so sorry you guys.

My mom suffered from undiagnosed depression (it was called “Women’s hysteria” in those days) and she drank too much, off and on. One day she’d be fine, then out of the blue she’d lose her shit. You never knew when it was going to happen. It got to the point that I’d get off the bus and stand there staring at the house, wondering what I’d be walking into. She was raised Catholic and, oddly enough, you could depend on her to have a “conniption fit” (What we all called it) on Easter Sunday. Had a big splat of a jelly stain on the ceiling for the longest time from when she lost her shit one Easter, during breakfast, shrieking and screaming, and threw the jelly jar straight up, as hard as she could.
However, we had a good father, although he was somewhat emotionally distant.

There were 3 of us. Two of us are OK, for the most part. The third got into drugs and alcohol and sex from a young age. She has the same problems that Mom had. Then she got born again, quit drinking, and got even worse!

She never married, and never had kids, thank God. She now lives up in the mountains with some Christian couple. She works as a spiritual mentor people who are on hospice care. She’s 54.

ucme's avatar

No, well, not in the strictest sense any way.
My parents divorced when I was 6 leaving my mam to bring up 3 young boys on her own, which she did, magnificently. My…ahem, “dad” not that he’s worthy of the word, fucked off & played no further part in our lives save for the occassional, guilt fuelled birthday/xmas visit.

Abusive? Probably not, but ever since I became a dad, a proper, loving, hands on dad, I can’t conceive of any scenario where I would show such scant regard for my kids.
So yeah, no abuse, just a fucked up pussy failure where a father should’ve been.

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