Social Question

chyna's avatar

Why do people think it’s okay to make disparaging comments to me about my weight and how can I reply?

Asked by chyna (46920points) December 26th, 2017 from iPhone

I’m a smallish person but have lost some weight recently due to an illness. Different people, including relatives have made comments about my weight knowing the reason I am smaller. My SIL even bought me pants that would’ve been too big before I lost weight saying “You’ll gain all that weight back.” So far I haven’t said much back but I’m sick of it. It would be the same as if they were making comments if I were over weight, which I doubt they would do. How do I respond or do I just keep my mouth shut?

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16 Answers

MrGrimm888's avatar

Perhaps they are ignorant of the fact these comments are hurtful somehow. I would mention that next time. If they continue to hurt your feelings, tell them to FUCK OFF. Tell them @MrGrimm888 said FUCK OFF too…

canidmajor's avatar

Ah, families. My (rather pissy, I admit) first reaction would be to give them the stuffed animal stare and ask if it’s your turn to comment on their weight.
But that’s probably too rude for normal families.
Sometimes simply saying “Please stop talking about my body” works. They might get a bit huffy, but they’ll stop. Unless they have lived in a cave, they should know better, it doesn’t matter that they’re “family”.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, there’s been enough on your plate!

marinelife's avatar

Wow! How rude. One suggestion: “I appreciate your good wishes, but I’m uncomfortable talking about my weight.” Repeat as necessary.

SergeantQueen's avatar

They are assholes.
Simple response: Go fuck yourself.

si3tech's avatar

@chyna I have no idea why “people think it’s okay” to comment on your weight. In my opinion it has much more to say about THEM than about you. To me they seem to disregard other people’s feelings. The motivation is less than positive. I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

janbb's avatar

I appreciate your concern but I’d rather not discuss it.

Zaku's avatar

They’re probably thinking something else and don’t realize how it’s landing with you. I would try telling them about your experience of the situation and of hearing their words.

NomoreY_A's avatar

I agree with the posters above who think you should tell them to fuck off. And take their moronic and unsolicited remarks with them. That’s alot of what’s wrong with our society is that people won’t mind their own stinkin’ business. As my old pappy used to say, you can get more out of people with sugar than you can with vinegar. If they can’t be supportive and complimentary of your weight loss they should stuff a sock in the piehole.

LostInParadise's avatar

Simply explain your position. You could start by saying, “I know you mean well, but it hurts me when you…” It is truly amazing how dense people can be.

kritiper's avatar

Look at them with utter contempt and say “At least I don’t have to jump around in the shower to get wet.”
Although it might be better to just ignore those comments…

tedibear's avatar

I can’t speak to why anyone thinks this is okay. However, here are some possible responses:

“You probably think that you mean well, but this is not an acceptable subject of discussion.”

“So how are your bowel movements? We are asking inappropriate questions today, right?”

snowberry's avatar

^^ LOL!

I’m fond of this one, because it can be used in a variety of situations, is still kind, but shuts them up. (I’m one for not burning bridges unless absolutely necessary.)

“Thank you so much for the advice… I’ll take it under advisement!” Then change the subject.

Reapply as needed.

funkdaddy's avatar

Of course you have to find what works for you, but I tend to think people don’t mean it rudely in most cases. They’re just curious or concerned and don’t take the time to actually build that into what they’re saying, or are just awkward. So it’s one unexpected line that can catch us wrong.

A friend recently was very sick and lost a lot of weight. I saw her at Thanksgiving and she just turned comments on her weight into jokes that also acknowledged the sickness. She just got off the chemo diet, or they were wrong, it was just the short hair that made her look thinner.

It’s not your obligation to make others comfortable, but I would imagine joking about it was easier for her than telling people to fuck off would have been. And she didn’t have to be angry to do it.

Maybe “fuck off” feels right, maybe “I’d rather not discuss it” is good, maybe it’s as simple as saying “I’d rather people didn’t notice”.

Find something that feels right, for you. It’s your story so you get to tell it however you want.

Sunshinegirl11's avatar

They could be worried, but if they are, they should go about it differently.

People should never comment on someone’s weight, whether they are obese or underweight. That job should be left for doctors who bring up weight in regards to health.

I really agree with LostInParadises answer. That way, if their comments were supposed to be harmless, they will understand their mistake and it hopefully won’t happen again!

bob_'s avatar

This might be an instance where “go make me a sandwich” is an appropriate response.

janbb's avatar

@bob_ Hi! I’ll make you a sandwich!

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