Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Does anyone understand why some men just can't seem to take "No" for an answer?

Asked by Dutchess_III (44147points) November 12th, 2019

I read of two accounts on Fluther, just today, where women were faced with men pressuring them for sex after they’d repeatedly turned the men down.

Most men are good about walking away in disappointment, but there are some men who just keep after the woman and keep after the woman.

Anyone know what their logic is? Do they think we’ll change our mind after the 36th attempt? Do they think we don’t really mean it?

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56 Answers

ragingloli's avatar

They think that they are playing “hard to get”.
They are so full of themselves, that it seems impossible to them, that anyone would reject them.
They think that they are owed sex, so they keep pestering to make you comply with their demands.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That’s interesting @ragingloli.

Inspired_2write's avatar

In today’s world misogyny still exists, but often it is not done overtly as some misogynists aren’t even aware of what they’re doing, because it is typically an unconscious hatred that men form early in life, often as a result of trauma involving a female figure they trusted.
They are aggressive men who are challenged in the situation to turn it around for them.

Its the first clue of an aggressive man..avoid them.

stanleybmanly's avatar

I think it’s about obsession or fixation or some other addictive impulse. Just another day trap on the mountain of maladies set to ensnare some of us. You just don’t know which of them is gonna get you!

MrGrimm888's avatar

Why can’t women accept “no,” for an answer? Perhaps that would provide more insight into the thread…

I was fired from a very lucrative job, because a woman couldn’t accept “no,” for an answer. I’d love to hear why that was okay….

stanleybmanly's avatar

Because no one would believe you? I wonder if she could get away with it today?

jca2's avatar

No means no but I wouldn’t put myself in certain situations in the first place. I wouldn’t go to a man’s hotel room by myself and I wouldn’t have a man to my hotel room. I think there’s a message sent and I wouldn’t want to set up any expectation, unless, of course, I intended to allow something to happen.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Oh, I’m not talking about that type of scenario @jca2. I wouldn’t go to a man’s hotel room either. I’m talking about the single days, when young men and women interacted, with the men hoping to get lucky, and the women hoping to find some companionship.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Hmmm. It’s starting to sound like women, are just as likely to exhibit the same behavior, as men, when things don’t go their way….

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Male or female,they all have a messed up sense of entitlement.Socios,narcissists,psychos are all that way.

MrGrimm888's avatar

LLL. I have a great amount of personal experience, when dealing with females, who cannot/will not accept being rejected multiple times. They don’t take it well….

stanleybmanly's avatar

That’s the thing. If a man has any urge for companionship, and I’m not necessarily talking lifetime commitment, I believe he will “get lucky.” Women ARE interesting. I’ve been accused of regarding them the way I do food. And have yet to figure out whether or not that is a compliment.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I am laughing so hard right now @stanleybmanly! WHUT??!! Well, I guess that would depend on the food. Do you look at us like we’re jelly donuts you want to devour?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@MrGrimm888 -Narcissists have great difficulty with rejection.
My hub knows a man who is an Uber driver. He was fired because a woman complained that he made a pass.
This man has a dash cam that showed different women trying different things to get him to have sex with them. When he didn’t go for it, they got mad.
He did get rehired.

ucme's avatar

I have yet to have a woman say no except for last thursday…the wife had a headache.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m talking about dates, @jca2, or even a coworker. Or a classmate. There are a ton of different scenarios where a guy could start pressuring a woman for sex. Hell, my landlord wanted to have sex with me. Fortunately he backed down with no problem…could have been bad because he had a key to my house.

stanleybmanly's avatar

@Dutchess III It was almost that bad. But in my youth, life seemed to be this street of endless shops you had to stroll past just filled with spectacular and exotic desserts. Now unlike the culinary temptations, I had a powerful inhibition to what I viewed as the perils of . involvement with women, yet found myself involved nevertheless. It’s hard to put into words.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Dutch. When I worked at the emergency veterinary hospital, I worked with 98% women. I assumed that I was off the menu. But when we got together, outside of that environment, I was groped, and worse, by my co-workers. I was caught off guard, and didn’t expect that behavior from them.
But there it was. These were girls I considered friends. But when drunk, they felt compelled, to do whatever that wanted. Yes. Alcohol was often involved, but it caught me by surprise. And by the way, if a girl has already made out with multiple guys, at a bar, that was/is a major turn off, for me. To a degree, it was flattering, but it was also disgusting to me. I have no interest in a girl trying to hook up with whomever she could.
Maybe that’s hard to understand….

Dutchess_III's avatar

Adirondackwannabe once said it was like an addiction he just couldn’t help. He was such a great guy, such a gentleman, that that surprised me.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I’m not a gentleman. I just want a sexual relationship between me, and a girl, to be genuine. Is that really so hard to believe?

Dutchess_III's avatar

No it’s not hard to believe. I really can’t speak to your particular situation because I have never approached any man and asked to have sex with him, much less been turned down. I only had sex with men / boys I was in a committed, long term relationship with.

@stanleybmanly, my comment about Adirondackwannabe was directed to you and your foody issues!

Sagacious's avatar

It’s not just men.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I used to hook up with any girl, with a pulse. I’m a different man now. That’s all…

Sagacious's avatar

@mrgrimm…..a genuine sexual relationship only needs sex to earn that title.

Dutchess_III's avatar

As I said, I have no experiences with women not taking no for an answer. That’s why I limited this question to men.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Sorry to disappoint you Dutch. But some men developed moral codes. Stronger, than their impulses. You have again painted us all, with too broad a brush….

And there are LOTS of women, who get upset, with no for an answer.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Most men were OK, and I said so in the details. It’s the handful over the years who aren’t OK that you tend to remember.
I just wondered what some men are thinking when they keep pressuring a woman for sex after she’s said “No” several times.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Well. That’s a different thing. Almost all women reject your initial advances. But. If you keep it up, they’ll eventually give in.
I suppose it’s something instinctive, in both genders….

stanleybmanly's avatar

I don’t agree with that!

ragingloli's avatar

I hear pudding Rohypnol is the usual final argument.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Well. I respect your opinions. But I don’t agree with them…

janbb's avatar

@MrGrimm888 “That’s a different thing. Almost all women reject your initial advances. But. If you keep it up, they’ll eventually give in.”

That statement sounds like something from the 1950s and also an excuse for bullying. Really??

ragingloli's avatar

Reminds me of this song

canidmajor's avatar

@MrGrimm888 No. just no. That is so, as @janbb says, from the 50s. It wasn’t OK then, it’s not OK now. Maybe they eventually “give in” to you out of fear. You’re big and muscular and present a very real threat just by persistence.

kritiper's avatar

And some women, too!

josie's avatar

In 2019, a guy would be a fool for not taking no for an answer.

In fact, in 2019 a guy just might be a fool for taking yes as an answer.

Makes me happy to hunker down with my established relationship, and let all that bullshit pass me by.

mazingerz88's avatar

Some men reached adulthood not having enough parental guidance on how to treat women with respect. Just one of the reasons.

MrGrimm888's avatar

Well. I have never thought of that in that way. I’ve never chained a girl down. They always invited me to their house, or came to mine, by their own free will. I’ve never been forceful, or anything else. As a guy, you just keep trying. I understand their trepidation, with a new sexual partner, and I honestly find that concept offensive (that anything would be forceful.)

Several of my lovers, have been forceful, about me coming back to their place.

It starts with a few kisses. Then they shy away, but stay, or don’t ask me to leave. Then after a couple other make it sessions, they’re all about it.

The word “no,” has never come up. I have always heard, “slow down.” Which I did . And they continued interactions with me.

I don’t think that either of you have a clue about my sexual ecounters. Nor, do I ask you why you “gave in,” in yours.

I feel you’re making me out to be a rapist. When I’m simply trying to explain these types of interactions. From a male point of view. You try, over, and over, until the event is achieved. After that, you can usually be with the girl, with consent. They just like it. That’s my opinion, based on feed back , and love of the act…

Well . I’m a rapist, or something most girls seem to like?

Most girls, know to like, prefer sex before work. Are they all lunatics? And I’m a rapist? Our our we human?....

If really answer thus question, without male discussion, then we are all RAPISTS. And all women who enjoy the morning sex, what are they?

Dutchess_lll's avatar

“Almost all women reject your initial advances. But. If you keep it up, they’ll eventually give in.” I can’t believe you said that!

Dutchess_lll's avatar

I can not understand why youb suddenly switched from your stories about women coming on to you and getting upset when you reject them, to suddenly attacking me, accusing me of painting all men with the same brush. You managed to take it personally.
I didn’t take your stories about all the women personally.

josie's avatar


Respectfully, you got sucked into a political question.
It has nothing to do with your experiences.
It has only to do with how you answer the question.
You are a Fluther veteran. You should have learned this by now.
Respect for making the effort however.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

It’s not a political question. It’s a psychological question and @MrGrimm888 gave a very interesting answer. It would seem, by his answer, that some men believe they just have to keep after them and they’ll give in.
He didn’t explain WHY they would give in tho.

josie's avatar

I don’t agree.
Otherwise, he could ask “Why don’t women take yes for an answer” and try to pass it off as a psychological question. Except he would never get away with that. He might even get modded.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

….“Why don’t women take yes for an answer?” I guess I’m not following you. Not sure what your point is.

The reason I that there were 2 comments, just today, about men who wouldn’t take no for an answer. One woman moved out of her apartment to get away from her landlord who kept pressuring her for sex. Why do some men…NOT ALL…do that? Why can’t they just accept “No” and move on? Why does a woman feel she has to pack up and move to get away from it?

anniereborn's avatar

I think you have asked this question before @Dutchess_lll in 100 different ways.

MrGrimm888's avatar

@josie you are correct. It was a trap. I tried to give a genuine response, and that was my fault.

canidmajor's avatar

Oh please, @MrGrimm888, climb off your pity train. No one really objected to what you had to say until this: “Almost all women reject your initial advances. But. If you keep it up, they’ll eventually give in.”
For a man who purports to be so beset by female attention that it distresses him, are you unable to appreciate not only the irony of that remark but the sheer icky-ness of it?
Now there’s a double standard for you.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I am quite aware of double standards. And you all have made valid points.
But where you get it wrong, is that I never invited any of these women over to my house, or led them on, in anyway, without their wanting me to be there. When a girl says they aren’t interested in me, I drop it there.

When a girl invites me to their place, or wants to come to my place, I assume that there is already interest. Is that wrong?

I would call what most men(no, I’ll just speak for me,) do is seduction.
Women always say “I know if I want to be with a guy, the second I meet him.”

That’s the game. I have NEVER, nor will I ever force myself on a female. They invite me over, or come to my , place, knowing that they/we have chemistry.
And that some sort of sexual event, i’s inevitable. It’s always up to the female, weather or not this event will take place.

But, that (to me) means, that they want to be seduced. I dance with them. I make them laugh. Eventually, they start getting close to me, or finding reasons, to touch me.
They say “I’m cold,” or “I wish someone would rub my back.” Things like that. We kiss, for awhile, and then they back down a bit. But the evening persists. And we may kiss again, or more.

Then, there is what seems to be a natural progression of us getting closer, and closer. Then I make my moves. Of they decide that i, or they should leave, I respect that I, and do as they say.

You’ve got it all twisted. I only persist, if they seem to want me too. I don’t do anything that makes them uncomfortable. In fact, if I feel it’s going nowhere, I’ll leave, or ask them to leave…

The stories I tell about being groped, are 100% factual. But I never gave those women a sign, that that was ok. They took it upon themselves, to touch me, when, I never gave them the slightest hint of consent, or desire.

I find your perception of my talking points offensive. I am not a gentleman. But I’ve never imposed my will, on a female. And I find it even more offensive, that I’ve stated that many women have groped me, without any hints from me, that it would be acceptable.

I have personally been sexually involved with at least two women, who persisted in their advancements, until I gave in.

Forget your “pity train.” I’ve NEVER asked for pity. I only raise those incidents, to make women think about their behavior. No one, should pity me. But I’m tired, of the man bashing, that goes on here.

I don’t want pity. I want accountability. The reality of life, is that women are just as guilty as men, when it comes to “sexual assault.” They just face no consequences. There is your “double standard.”

Attempting to seduce a female, in either her place, or mine, is VASTLY different, from a female groping me, at the front door of a venue.
It’s also drastically different from when several rich women decide to grope me, at a venue they have power at…

Don’t you dare, call it the same.
You aren’t stupid enough to compare the two…

I find your perception of my attempt at being genuine, HIGHLY offensive…

I don’t know what it’s like to be a female. I don’t understand their mindsets. I will concede that.

But you would do yourself a great favor, by trying to think of a male’s perspective. I’m trying to give you that. But. You are just ignoring it, and judging someone who you don’t really know…

I apologize for trying to be genuine, and honest. Instead of thinking about what I’ve said, you went straight into defense mode. Knee jerk reactions, show the inability to even try to understand the world around you.

@josie was right. This was a trap, from the start. I try to insert a genuine answer. Giving you insight into the male thought process, and you could have learned something. Instead, you blasted me, for rare honesty. I guess I should’ve just ignored the whole question. Which would have been a disservice, to the whole idea of Fluther. The exchange of ideas, and understanding of each other.

canidmajor's avatar

What a load of crap. From mr-should-I-kill-this-guy. This Q wasn’t a trap, it was just a Q. How narcissistic of you to call it a “trap”. You gave us no insight into the male mind, you just gave us (rather whiny) insight into your mind.

Done, now.

MrGrimm888's avatar

^Wrong again. It was another male jelly, that called it trap.

SOOOOO.sorry that you are “done now.”

Don’t let the door hit you on you butt, on the way out of the door…

Bye bye now….Hypocrite.

SergeantQueen's avatar

I don’t know maybe because they think sex=love??
My ex would always get sooo mad at me when I didn’t want to talk sexual. He’d tell me I don’t really love him or by me not being interested it means I must be cheating or want to break up. I’m not sure if he ever did love me or not but he sure seemed to think that you can’t be around your significant other without getting sexual at some point. That’s all he really cared about with me, and that’s how I was supposed to “prove” that I truly loved him.

Dutchess_lll's avatar

Interesting article @SergeantQueen. It’s pretty much what @ragingloli said, first comment…. ”…are so full of themselves, that it seems impossible to them, that anyone would reject them.
They think that they are owed sex, so they keep pestering to make you comply with their demands.”

And I also think they can’t comprehend that it doesn’t feel as good to be the recipient of the dick as it feels to be the owner of the dick. Surely women want sex as much as men….it feels so good! Why wouldn’t they?
Because it’s not the sex foo. It’s the orgasm.

MrGrimm888's avatar

I feel that I should remove myself from this thread.

Response moderated (Spam)

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