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raiden88's avatar

Autism and depression what should I do?

Asked by raiden88 (68points) 1 month ago

I’m 34 years old. I still live with my parents, though I sometimes wish I could live somewhat on my own in a nearby apartment. When I was 24 years old, I went to a psychiatrist and he gave me a medicine called phentermine. It helped me with my appetite and I worked out, ate healthier and lost a lot of weight and put on muscle.
I maintained all that for two and a half years until sometime after I turned 26 years old. I got infatuated with someone and depression began to sink in, and I’ve been depressed for nearly nine years now. Especially since I began to have more reasons to feel this way because of what I’ve been forced to endure in my past when I was a kid, and in my teens. My parents don’t understand me or what I go through and sometimes I feel my dad treats me like a little kid since I’m the youngest guy in the family.
I’ve been on prozac for years since I was 16 and I saw a different psychiatrist back then. Now I’m on different meds and they’re making a little difference in my depression but not much. I’m very cynical about human life and life in general as a result. I’m very vulnerable to many things including the news shown on the internet. I feel I’ve lost some of my humanity through the years in that I’ve become somewhat emotionally hardened and deadened.
I have no faith in any religion or anything that has to do with God or Jesus as I think the bible and other religious stories are nothing but fiction and fantasy, and whatever truth those stories said are fictionalized versions of the truth. Yet I still believe in a spiritual place called Heaven where human souls go when they die, even the physical form will stay dead. I’m disillusioned with life in general. I’ve never been very confident in myself or about things in my life because of what I have endured for so long. I have no support system as my sister stopped supporting me a few months ago, and now I have absolutely no one to talk to but my psychiatrist. I have moments when I feel happy, and I try every day to do things to distract me from my misery. I have times when I feel okay but not great like it used to be. My best years which were 24, and 25 years old are way behind me, and I’m more overweight than ever, and my appetite’s gone up. Sometimes I think about smoking and alcohol just to briefly numb the pain I go through which I never do currently. I have hardly any prospect of ever having any real romantic love in my life. I really wish I could find a girl who has similarities to me as far as personality and beliefs go. I feel there ain’t a whole lot that can be done to treat autism and depression let alone cure them. I feel all alone and no one cares or understands me and they expect me to be just like everyone else which really sucks. I live in Kingwood, TX by the way. I’m afraid unless I find a way to end my life and put myself to sleep honorably and make it as painless as possible, I’m doomed to live out the rest of my life and possibly eternity in my current state of misery. I’d rather be dead and living in the Heavens than be on this god-forsaken earth. I have no plans of dying as of yet, and I never told my doctor about dying as they’ll put you in a hospital and it’d be the very same thing as being thrown in the slammer. I’ve been there once and it didn’t really help me a bit. I drive and I’m a decent driver, but didn’t start driving until I was around 21. I’d like to live again, but they way things are right now, there’s only seemingly so much that can be done to treat this stuff I’m going through. If there is nothing more that can be done, to be honest I’d rather find someone who can help me end my life through euthenization even if done illegally. I’m sick and tired of being in this misery and hopelessness. I’ve had a job once that I really liked working on computers and things of that nature and I did so for about a year I believe. Someone please help me! I need a reason to live again and not because of parents or family or anything else, and I have only one real friend. And even then I’ve lost my emotional attachment to him. I don’t feel emotionally attached to anyone and I feel I don’t love anybody. Is there someplace where it can be a safe haven for people like me who go through the same or similar things I’m going through. At times, I wonder if moving to Canada or at least staying there for a month or two would help. Any help or advice you can give me would be appreciated. Thanks very much.

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8 Answers

RedDeerGuy1's avatar

Elon Musk has Asperger’s syndrome and is the world richest man. So no on killing yourself for your depression and autism.

I lived with my mom in a one bedroom apartment till I was 35. It’s normal these days. I have my own apartment and can do as I please. Showering at 3am and ordering out food that I like.

Psychiatrists are not gods. They need time to find out what medications work for you. It took 10 years for my dr. to find the right meds, and I am happy now. Also It turns out that I have a bowel disorder and almost everything is fine.

JLoon's avatar

No.

Killing yourself is not the best solution. Getting more help to heal yourself can make the difference. You’ve been very thorough in writing out what you’re feeling right now. It’s important to communicate that with your doctors, therapists, and everyone working on your treatment.

Autism makes relating to other people and society hard, but you can learn coping strategies.Depression is serious but it can be treated, and even hitting a wall like you have can be overcome. Almost half of patients using prescription meds for depression relapse at some point, but the majority recover and improve with different therapies. Newer treatments like ketamine and transcranial magnetic stimulation are also giving some patients a chance at full recovery long term.

You don’t have to give up.Talk to your therapy providers as soon as you can and ask what your best options are. I think you’re also right about a job and work. It can help break through the depression and give you a feeling of self worth. If you were able to hold for a job for 1 year it’s a very good sign that you can do it again with the right work environment. Tell your treatment team you want help looking.

But the real truth is no one can give you a reason for living that works every time. There are as many different reasons as there are people living. But if you can remember any time when your own life mattered and made you feel hopeful you can get back to that place, as long as you give yourself time and find a way to heal.

Good luck.

SnipSnip's avatar

That book is a little long for me but you’ve been stable before and can get there again. I know you have heard “Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem.” It is the truth. Your life is a gift. I hope you can find a way and a place to find some joy in it. God bless you.

smudges's avatar

Psychiatrists are not therapists, and that’s what you need. Psychs are great for diagnosing and prescribing, but it’s rare that they do therapy. I’ve been in therapy and the psych ‘world’ off and on for 40 years and have never had a psych for a therapist. It may take a few tries to find one that clicks with you, but I would work on finding a therapist. The letters behind their names don’t really matter – a PhD, Masters social worker, family therapist – you really can’t go wrong in the beginning, just find someone to begin talking to. It can get better.

Patty_Melt's avatar

I have a family member who is autistic. Being involved in a group helps a lot. He was in classes which helped him, but also included other autistic people. That helped him in other ways.

You need friends who are strong enough to be there for you during tough times, but share an interest in what makes you shine. If you don’t know what that is, you need to find out.
My relative has many interests. He has a few sports he does very well. He also enjoys many kinds of music. He has a passion for thrill rides, like extreme roller coasters.

You cannot count on surrounding yourself with fun people expecting that to make you happy. You need to find your own happy, and then fun people will be drawn to you.
Now, finding some things which make you happy does not end depression. I realize you know that. I just want to make it clear that I don’t expect a cure is in your future.

I’m sorry you are stuck dealing with these things. Always keep in mind you are not being punished. Such physical conditions are random, and that is it.

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raiden88's avatar

Thanks for all the stuff y’all said. I’m so hurt about myself and I’ve been feeling that for a long time. I am disillusioned with all life, and I feel everything achieved by people is nothing but genetics and talent, and not hard work. I used to feel that anything was possible, but not anymore. I’m almost completely cynical about everything and I think people who think otherwise are just out of touch with reality. I feel all I can do is to do things to distract myself from all the misery and mental and emotional pain but even that does not always work as my problems flood into my mind again. I was once a happy guy being proud of myself and all, but now I’ve lost everything and I can never get any of it back. It’s highly unlikely I’ll ever find the right therapist, medicine, and the right psychiatrist to break out of this prison. I wish I could just go to sleep since I’m living a wasted life fighting for any positive things that can never be accomplished no matter how hard I work or try. I’ve had enough of it! It eats away at me like acid. I wish I could just magically make all this go away but I can’t can I. I’ve talked to my psychiatrist about all these things. I’m sorry I’m saying all these things and stating how I feel. I just feel I must since my parents whom I live with don’t seem to understand me despite my mother having gone through depression herself.

smudges's avatar

@raiden88 This is worth repeating:

Psychiatrists are not therapists, and that’s what you need. Psychs are great for diagnosing and prescribing, but it’s rare that they do therapy. I’ve been in therapy and the psych ‘world’ off and on for 40 years and have never had a psych for a therapist. It may take a few tries to find one that clicks with you, but I would work on finding a therapist. The letters behind their names don’t really matter – a PhD, Masters social worker, family therapist – you really can’t go wrong in the beginning, just find someone to begin talking to. It can get better.

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