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fireside's avatar

Has anyone ever heard of Amoebaism?

Asked by fireside (12354points) February 3rd, 2009

I read on Fluther that there is a new religion that worships a giant pink amoeba. I’ve heard of the meatball monster and the unicorn and a 300 foot goddess, but never anything about this.

So what I was really wondering was if it was a translucent pink or more opaque?

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15 Answers

Jayne's avatar

If it was translucent, you could see all of the organelles floating about, which would really put me off as a prospective worshiper. So I’m going to have to go with opaque, if only for peace of mind.

Dog's avatar

I too would go for more opaque. It would be distracting to the worship otherwise.

fireside's avatar

Well, I’m not sure it matters. We don’t have to see God to worship now.
But I can appreciate the desire for opacity.

Vinifera7's avatar

As a giant single-celled organism it must be really hard keeping from falling apart by your own weight.

dynamicduo's avatar

You haven’t heard of it cause daloon pulled it from his butt.

I’m much more a fan of the invisible pink unicorn. A unicorn is much more appealing than an amoeba.

Grisson's avatar

I think it’s a form of dysentery, but I could be wrong.

wundayatta's avatar

You know, few people have ever actually been granted the privilege of seeing the Giant Pink Amoeba (GPA). It is only from the writings of those who have seen it, that we know it is pink…. and giant…. and in the image of an amoeba.

All of us, of course, have felt the impact of the GPA’s decisions, and, no doubt, the trials brought on by a failure to worship GPA with sufficient fervor. Oh, and snakes. The kind that plumbers use.

Anyway, amoeba because the sacred microbe in all it’s forms is the dominant life form on this planet, and pink because, well, sunsets are pretty?

So as to opacity vs translucency, one might look to the various forms of the microbe for guidance. However, I wouldn’t suggest you do that, lest you fall into the naturist heresy. Just because it is so in verifiable earth, does not mean it is so in unverifiable quantum flux. Existence being nonverifiable, heresy is everywhere. That’s also one of the reasons why wars are so common. It’s all about GPA.

Students, of course, are quite concerned about their personal GPAs. They are taught to have a personal relationship with GPA, a relationship that, they believe, will make them prosperous when they emerge in the real world. They are sadly disillusioned when they discover that personal GPA doesn’t matter, and only corporate GPA is important.

Houses of GPA being tax-exempt, all corporations seek to form as limited GPA translucencies. This is why corporations are considered GPA-less as they have fallen into the translucency heresy. They are, however, rich, except when GPA gets them back with, oh, bubbles of various kinds.

In times of yore, it was the tulip bubble, which was pretty, and, I might say, translucent. Later on, there were the bubbles we are more familiar with: the tech bubble, and the housing bubble (which are a bit more opaque, at least to me).

There is an emerging movement designed to reduce heresy and appease the GPA, in hopes that times will get better. It is not clear whether the GPA notices, as it is more concerned with the matters of microbia. Still, if humans can make enough noise, they can sometimes draw the attention of the GPA, although this can be dangerous, for if it is in a bad mood, legions of bacterial infections may spread throughout humanity. Except for the Uighur. For some reason, they never seem to get the bugs. Perhaps that is why others discriminate against them so much.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Evelyn told me about that amoeba thing. That is, when I could get her to stop laughing at her own farts. Now before you think that is gross, what you may not realize is that Evelyn’s farts smell like sandalwood incense. Life is about choices, says Evelyn. sorry, that sounds almost like proselytizing, I’ll stop now.

dynamicduo's avatar

@daloon – makes more sense than most other religions I’ve seen.

wundayatta's avatar

@dynamicduo: ok, that’s scary!

Vincentt's avatar

I worship nobody but mr J.

@dynamicduo – if you want a religion that makes sense check out the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I read a few pages of the gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster this morning and found it enlightening ;-)

dynamicduo's avatar

@Vincentt – I’m a well versed Pastafarian, when I choose to don my religion jacket. Which is rare. Did you know they have a Cthulhu fish to put on your car, as well as a FSM? Super cool!

Noon's avatar

Can I get a “What! What!” for Eris? If you want to kick it old school, you should go back to the original parody religion, Discordianism. If you want a religion that makes sense, and teaches us of our one true Goddess, and the original snub, all the while not making any sense at all (which is all the sense we need), please go pick up a copy of the Principia Discordia. (or as recommended by the most recent printing, just steal one from your local book store)

Online copy of the book
Wiki page on Discordianism

Oh yeah, answer to the question of Translucent pink, or Opaque pink, the answer is clearly Green Jell-o with opaque pineapple pieces.

90s_kid's avatar

Wow, and a religion. Cool.
But hey, Jesus rising from the dead is something hard to belief, and so is…giant…pink…amoebas…
But I have Faith, and that is the key.

wundayatta's avatar

Wow, @90s_kid, you are on the ball! and the first one to say they’ve caught on, although I’m sure many others have

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