What do you think of this poem (in the details)?

Asked by Guy123123 (302

) May 17th, 2010

Pillow Fort (Title)
I try to think
I try to think of how I was as a little boy
I try to think of why I was happy then
I try to think of why I am not now
I try to think of what I could do to be like a child again
I try to think that if I were like a child, I would be happy again
I thought of the answer to my question
I thought it was to do what I did as a child
I thought that was to build a fort
I thought building it like when I was six would make me happy
I tried to build the fort out of memory
I tried to build it so I would be happy again
I tried to build it, but I failed
I felt the pillow in my hand
I felt a tear run down my face. Warm, salty, familiar
I felt anger as I built the fort and felt nothing. No joy, no happiness, just emptyness
I saw the feathers fly out of the pillow as I threw it against the wall
I saw the feathers soar across my room, the wind from the fan blowing them higher
I saw them land and die
I saw myself as a feather
I saw myself die
I was cold
I was silent
I was dead
No one was there
No one cared
No one cared

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6 Answers

I don’t particularly think it’s great – however, I can use it for teaching the simple Present and Past tenses for my ESL classes. Thanks.

Of course the subject matter is very sad – especially as it’s including death – and if it’s autobiographical – try to talk with a professional.

Welcome to fluther. Sorry I didn’t care for the poem – just “keepin’ it real.”

Zen_Again (9931

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I thought it was good…

Oops1 (20

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Honestly, I couldn’t read the whole thing. It was boring. Maybe I’m just tired of hearing people here talk about being depressed on this site. Got any happy poems to share?

perspicacious (10982

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I thought it was interesting formally, but self-pity is never rivetting to anyone outside the pitied self. I found it taxing – not like “Oh you have opened my heart” but taxing like “Oh, honey, back off for a bit, get a grip, and try again.”

susanc (16144

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I didnt try for it to be self pittying, but i know thats what it came out to be. Its supposed to be from the perspective of a forty something year old depressed alcoholic. (I made that up right now)

Guy123123 (302

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Well, bunny, you don’t sound like you’re very serious about it. But if you get serious, give us a buzz.

susanc (16144

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