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Guy123123's avatar

What do you think of this poem (in the details)?

Asked by Guy123123 (302points) May 17th, 2010

Pillow Fort (Title)
I try to think
I try to think of how I was as a little boy
I try to think of why I was happy then
I try to think of why I am not now
I try to think of what I could do to be like a child again
I try to think that if I were like a child, I would be happy again
I thought of the answer to my question
I thought it was to do what I did as a child
I thought that was to build a fort
I thought building it like when I was six would make me happy
I tried to build the fort out of memory
I tried to build it so I would be happy again
I tried to build it, but I failed
I felt the pillow in my hand
I felt a tear run down my face. Warm, salty, familiar
I felt anger as I built the fort and felt nothing. No joy, no happiness, just emptyness
I saw the feathers fly out of the pillow as I threw it against the wall
I saw the feathers soar across my room, the wind from the fan blowing them higher
I saw them land and die
I saw myself as a feather
I saw myself die
I was cold
I was silent
I was dead
No one was there
No one cared
No one cared

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6 Answers

Zen_Again's avatar

I don’t particularly think it’s great – however, I can use it for teaching the simple Present and Past tenses for my ESL classes. Thanks.

Of course the subject matter is very sad – especially as it’s including death – and if it’s autobiographical – try to talk with a professional.

Welcome to fluther. Sorry I didn’t care for the poem – just “keepin’ it real.”

Oops1's avatar

I thought it was good…

perspicacious's avatar

Honestly, I couldn’t read the whole thing. It was boring. Maybe I’m just tired of hearing people here talk about being depressed on this site. Got any happy poems to share?

susanc's avatar

I thought it was interesting formally, but self-pity is never rivetting to anyone outside the pitied self. I found it taxing – not like “Oh you have opened my heart” but taxing like “Oh, honey, back off for a bit, get a grip, and try again.”

Guy123123's avatar

I didnt try for it to be self pittying, but i know thats what it came out to be. Its supposed to be from the perspective of a forty something year old depressed alcoholic. (I made that up right now)

susanc's avatar

Well, bunny, you don’t sound like you’re very serious about it. But if you get serious, give us a buzz.

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