General Question

wundayatta's avatar

Would you like to tell a story about someone you've lost?

Asked by wundayatta (58367 points ) October 26th, 2010

On this question, we discussed grieving. I said something about forming a grieving club, and I realized we could do it in the form of a question.

This is a place to talk about someone close to you, about whom you cared greatly (positively or negatively). The person could have died yesterday, or decades ago. The only requirement is that it should be someone for whom you grieve.

You can tell us about that person—whatever you want—maybe the things you miss. It helps to give context—what kind of relationship you had. And whatever you feel about your loss—this is a place for that.

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26 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

The night my brother died I was supposed to be with him. I was always with him at these parties but because I was getting together with my ex-husband then (we were dating for a few weeks, at that point), I said no and stayed at my lab (I did research). When people told me of his death and how he was the only one in the car that died…I knew it could have been me…he would always take shotgun…except when he was with me…then he’d let me take it and kick everyone else’s ass who’d complain…

Had I gone with him, it could have been me.

JustmeAman's avatar

I had a son born to me and he was full term and healthy. We took him home and he began to progress and life was good. After a while he started acting sick so I took him to the Doctor. The Doctor sent us to a local hospital and when they examined him they sent a helicopter to take him to Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake City. I live around 35 miles north of there so I got in my car and headed there to be with him. When we got there he was hooked up to many machines and life support. They took me in a room and told me he had had an aneurism in his brain and that he was all but brain dead. I was given the option of pulling all the equipment that was keeping him alive. I asked family, friends and clergy about the decision but with absolutely no help. Not even my wife (the mother) would not help me and said she couldn’t make the decision at all. I asked that a drug that kept his heart beating be taken from him. I asked if I could hold him while he passed and they allowed me to do so. I held him for 17 hours but they kept coming to me and said he has gone but I knew he hadn’t yet. At the end he opened his little eyes looked right at me and squeezed my finger. I then heard the breath of life leave his body and he was gone. I shall always be grateful for his short life with me and I will always remember him.

AmWiser's avatar

I have lost 2 brothers that I was close to and numerous friends and relatives in my 60 years. I don’t understand why my Pops death hit me the hardest. I still grieve his passing. He was 83 when he gave up the flesh and I was there with him at his last breath. It’s hard to put in writing the feelings that I have and wish to express, I just know that I miss him terribly.

Jude's avatar

@JustmeAman That brought me to tears. I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

ducky_dnl's avatar

I lost my friend, crush, and soulmate just in one person. He died in January and a remember that day clearly. I was on his Facebook waiting for him to get online. After an hour of waiting I refreshed page to see if he wrote anything. I started seeing RIPs and I thought perhaps it was a joke. I called his parents to see and they told me he did die. I remember freaking out at like 11 at night saying “He’s dead!” and crying. After going out for a drive with my mom, I stopped crying and started mindlessly cleaning the kitchen. I went to sleep at like 4 and woke up at 10 in the morning. I felt like I had been run over by a semi and I couldn’t talk the next day. I just sat at my kitchen table staring mindlessly again.

JustmeAman's avatar

He was one of four children I have lost in life. Thank you so much for allowing me to express some of those feelings.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@JustmeAman I can’t imagine the pain. Know that I am reaching out to your in a giant virtual hug. Know that you son felt your love.

janbb's avatar

@JustmeAman Thank you for sharing that painful story.

JustmeAman's avatar

Just wanted to let you know that my avatar right now is one of my grand daughters. Smile

Austinlad's avatar

I had a co-worker in my ad agency days who lived in my apartment complex and was my jogging partner. We weren’t best friends, but we were good ones, on and off the job. One day we got into a disagreement over a work issue and we stopped speaking. (Even now, I shudder to recall how stupid I was.) A few evenings later, I was out jogging around the golf course near our complex and noticed him running almost parallel to me on the opposite side of a green. I remember thinking how easy it would be just to cross that green, apologize, and jog with him. But I didn’t.

The next day he didn’t show up for work, and when I got home, I saw several policemen milling around in front of his apartment, its door wide open. It took me two days to find out the details, but apparently, he had decided to take the day off without telling anyone, and sometime in the afternoon he dove into the swimming pool, suffered an aneurism, and died immediately.
I’ve never been able to get that moment out of my mind when I could have jogged across that f——ing green.

muppetish's avatar

When I was a sophomore in high school, the person who encouraged me to write passed away in a traffic collision. Her mum and younger sister were comatose, her younger brothers sustained a leg and arm injury. Her twin sister, who had agreed to stay home and watch after their pets, was devastated. I grieved for a long time.

The story I want to tell happened years after she passed. My computer crashed, taking all the letters we had exchanged with it. I was so angry at myself for not backing up the files. There was one letter in particular (from the last Christmas we shared together) that I was upset over losing. Later that evening, I picked up my quote book to add a comment a friend said when it occurred to me that maybe I had written her letters down in the book. I poured through it, but came up with nothing.

After abandoning my venture for an hour, I picked the book up again and flipped to the front page. It was write there, as though it were waiting for me.

I love her and miss her.

Lurve to everyone in this post. Yesterday I learned a friend had a 5150 and I have been thinking all day how much it would hurt to have lost him. I can’t imagine.

tragiclikebowie's avatar

When I was 15, I lost one of my best friends. She was an exceptional human being. Everyone expected her to be a star one day – she sang, acted, danced and was full of life. We went to summer camp together as kids, we were in Glee Club, and did school musicals in high school together. She was a year older than me so we never had any classes together but we saw each other after school and outside of school a lot.

One day after school we were messing around in the hallway with her mouse puppet (don’t ask – we both had them and often brought them to school to play with). I said something generic like “See you tomorrow!” because she had to leave to go do some activity. The next morning I was in a good mood and got to school quite early. As I walked up the stairs I noticed people crying, many of them were my friends. I asked what was wrong but no one would tell me. After a few minutes, a friend from my class told me that Abby had died. She had gone snowmobiling with her dad. It had snowed the night before but no one had opened the fences on the trail, so she hit a fence (it was covered with snow and she couldn’t see it), and apparently flew off the snowmobile and broke her neck. She was only 16. That day was one of the worst days of my life. A few friends who hadn’t spoken to me for a couple years came to me in the hallway and hugged me. We didn’t have formal classes. A lot of us just cried. A few girls went home. Abby wasn’t popular, but everyone knew her. She was one of the schools drama kids and always had the leads in the musicals and plays, in and out of school. They had an open casket at her wake – that was probably the most disturbing thing. The body looked nothing like her. The worst part his, her parents lost her older sister in a car accident when she was 16. Both children lost at the same age, both in tragic accidents. I don’t know how they carried on after that, but they did.

This happened about 10 years ago, and I’ve never quite gotten over it.

flutherother's avatar

It was about ten years ago that my sister called to say that my mother had died. I felt stunned as she was elderly but rarely unwell. I didn’t react as I expected to. I carried on as normal and went away that weekend as planned. My mind was filled with thoughts of my mother who had loved me but I didn’t cry. It was not until several days had gone by, when I was in a car park, just about to drive off that tears came flooding into my eyes. Not many days go by that I don’t think of her and though she has gone I feel she still keeps our family close and together.

JustmeAman's avatar

I will share one more story. I have many. When I was much younger I had a good friend that I was interested in because she was so attractive. We talked all the time and I had not let her know how I felt about her. She worked in a music store called the Hi Fi Shop. I had talked with her the night before. She worked all the next day and they were going to do some inventory and work late that night. While they were working two men came in and were going to rob the store. They found those still taking inventory in the basement. These men had guns and took the employees and began to torture them. I will not go into detail but her hips were broken as they raped her. A mother of a local doctor came to pick up her son and they took her too. A father of one of the other boys working came to get him and they took him as well. They killed all except one boy who they poured liquid drain-o down his throat (the doctors son) and the man who came to pick up his son. They had shot them in the head and kicked pencils in their ears. She died that night and I was sitting waiting for her to come home so I could talk with her. It turns out that the men were from Hill Air Force Base where I now work. It has been a long time since I thought so much about her. I really miss her to this day. There were three men because there was one outside on watch were put to death with a death sentence after about 20 years.

Coloma's avatar

My ‘story’ would involve my lost pets more so than family. lol

Of course I have been saddened by the loss of humans but, honestly, the animals always get to me the most.

I think it is because they are such innocents and you cannot communicate with them in the way you can with a human to ease their suffering or lend comfort or explain to them what is happening.

My awesome siamese cat ‘Gadwicke’ was my most recent loss last May.

He was THE cat of a lifetime, so many ‘stories’ of his amazing personality from jumping in the swimming pool with me to attacking a stray Rottweiler and ‘riding’ that dog up the hill all teeth and claws, to the way he would have to have a paw on my cheek when sleeping with me.

He was very protective as far as cats go, and his beauty and ‘fancy cat’ looks betrayed a very tough guy. Thats why his nicknames were ’ Madman’ and ’ Little gay man of the forest kicks ass!.’ lol

He has been my most recent loss and it is hard to beleive it has been 5 months already since he has been gone. :-(

wundayatta's avatar

So many of these stories make me want to cry, but I’m at work, and I don’t want to face anyone with liquid eyes. But these stories are so beautiful. I appreciate them very much.

My friend who I buried over the weekend… the last time I saw him was when he and his wife had dinner with me and my wife at a Japanese restaurant. He had been undergoing Chemo and radiation therapy and I don’t know what was going on inside his head—they said there was necrotic tissue they wanted to pull out.

His words were a bit slurred, but it was like always between us. His wife spoke to my wife and I spoke to him. Between his slurred words and my difficulty hearing voices in loud situations, I’m not sure what we said, but I know it was great to see him. He’s very tall and I’m short, so hugging him has always been a challenge, but we’ve made do.

As his brain cancer ate away at his life, we kept trying to go see him, but for some reason, it never seemed to be the right time, and so that was the last time I saw him. From all reports he became a happy person as he was dying. He gave up any anger and he seemed to know it is all just love, and that we are all like stars in the sky. In any case, if he had to die, it was a good death.

A decade or so ago, we were dancing, and somehow I found myself next to him, crawling across the dance floor the way they show those thirsty guys crawling across the desert to that mirage of water. We would slowly pick up one arm after another and grab a piece of floor in front of us and pull ourselves forward.

We were out of our minds and into that other world where our bodies are pure in their relationship to the world. There is no mediation between us and experience. No thinking. We are right there, “in the moment.”

As we crawled, I began to feel this presence come into my body. It felt like something was taking me over. Something was possessing me. It felt benign, and so I let it come in. It was a strange thing because it had no idea what to do with a body and then I realized it was a mud man. A man of red clay, except since he was clay, he didn’t move much down there in spirit land. So as he came into my body, he was like a baby, not knowing what to do. He could only experiment.

I realized he was the spirit guide… my spirit guide… that I had med a few years before on a guided meditation. Slowly, he managed to stand me up with the help on my friend, who was a doctor and, I think, a shaman of sorts.

The experience was intensely meaningful for me. I won’t go into that here. All I know is that it wouldn’t have happened without my friend’s help, and it is the thing I remember most when I think about what we have shared.

He is gone. I have cried as his casket descended into the grave. I have thrown dirt on his casket. I will sit shiva for him. I will miss him.

Jude's avatar

My Mom to cancer three years ago.

Jellies, I posted this on my family group (Facebook):

Something very personal that I thought that I would share with you all. You’re my family and I know you loved her dearly, too. I just sent this to my sister:

A message board that I used to go to is shutting down this week. They said to everyone, whatever you posted that you want to keep, save it to your computer now, as it will all be deleted. That was where I went to write down my thoughts on Mom during her last month. I’m keeping them for myself, and I know it will be too hard for you to read right now, but, perhaps, later, you could read them.

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Hey, girls, I need your prayers right now. Just found out a few minutes ago that my Mom, who we thought was sick with pneumonia has Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Tomorrow it’s back to her Doctor to have the biopsy done, and to see what stage the cancer is in. She’ll have to go through the chemo and everything else that goes along with cancer treatment. Our whole family is in shock right now. My poor Dad seems so lost. I’m so glad my sister will be coming home from London, Ontario this aft.

Just keep her in prayers.

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(03/31/07 5:40 PM)

Thank-you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and maybe saying a few prayers for my Mom. The last few days have been hard. Her kids were all told first, then finally she decided to tell her brothers and sisters (they’re a lot of them, too), and that was hard on her. We know it’s NHL, but now the biopsy won’t be done until the 4th of April. So, what stage she’s at, we have no idea. After the biopsy is done she will leave her doctors here and deal with a team down at the cancer clinic in London, Ontario.

It’s hard seeing her like this. She’s so very sick. :( And all of us feel helpless. We’re trying to stay strong; positive thinking. The feeling is, get the biopsy done, and get her down to London to be treated as quickly as we can. My sister, who is an RN in London will stay at my parents place and take care of her after her chemo treatments. I’ll be over there to help out with errands, cooking meals, and helping my Dad out. My brothers are going to do the same. Her siblings and their spouses will help out, as well.

I’m okay during the day, but at night I have trouble sleeping. I’ve been having weird, upsetting dreams the last few nights. I stayed at my good friend, Karen’s the last few nights and she’s been great. She listened while I talked, and held me when I broke down.

I just hope that everything is going to be okay.

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(04/17/07 9:06 AM)

Hi, everyone. Just letting you know what has been going on..

It’s been a tough week. My sister managed to get my Mom into a hospital in London, On. Last Monday. We couldn’t wait anymore for the doctors here to get moving on things (it’s been terrible here). Lisa got her a bed there, on the surgical floor, and they started with some testing. They had to insert two, large tubes to drain the fluid that had accumulated on both lungs, which was making it difficult for her to breathe. She also had 2 litres of fluid on her tummy which they drained. The fluid on her lungs will come back, so they did a procedure yesterday using talcom powder of all things, so that both lungs will adhere to the chest wall preventing the fluid from coming back. She’s barely eating, but, they do have an IV in with fluids which has potassium in it, and they’re pushing her to drink more; trying to build her strength up. Having the chest tubes in is painful for her, so they have been giving her morphine for that. Unfortunately, the catheter they had put in gave her a uninary tract infection, so they have given her antibiotics for that. She also has a touch of pneumonia, so, more antibiotics to treat that. One of her chest tubes comes out today, the other tomorrow. They did another CAT scan at the beginning of the week, and the results have come back from that. The doctor asked for a ‘family meeting’ on Weds. My dad, sister, two brothers and myself were present, along with the doctor (who’s a cancer surgeon), and a social worker. The biopsy hadn’t been done, but from the blood tests, the CT scan, and all the other testing they had done, they determined that the cancer WAS in the Lymph Nodes, and the stomach area, and it is an aggressive cancer. It had spread quite a bit since her last CT scan, which was a week ago. The doctor told us that the cancer is terminal. My Dad asked how long and the doctor said several weeks. They are trying to build her strength up (fluids, getting her up and walking a bit. She hasn’t been on her feet since last Monday), so they’ll be able to start with palliative chemo, which would prevent the cancer from spreading to other organs to where she couldn’t eat, or go to the bathroom. We have another family meeting with the Doctor this afternoon, and will get the Hematology results (biopsy). My Mom will be present for that meeting.

It has all happened so quickly.

Please, keep her in your thoughts, and maybe say a few prayers. This next while is going to be really difficult.

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04/24/07 8:14 AM)

Just checking in…

Things aren’t going well. They’re moving her back to the CCU (critical care unit) as her oxygen is quite low yet again. They’re not sure if it’s colon or ovarian cancer. They were going to do a colonoscopy today, but decided against it as her body is too weak. She had both chest tubes taken out, but the fluid has come to her stomach area and so now her breathing is comprimised. She had a clot in her leg that was making its way up towards her lung and so she had to be treated for that. That was a big scare for us all. Her oxygen was so low and seeing struggle with her breathing was awful. We know she’s a fighter, but we don’t know how much more her body can take. She changed so much since last Friday.

We have another family meeting with the doctor this aft. We’re just wondering if her body is strong enough to take the chemo. Last night my sister and I went in to visit her and we both gave her a foot massage and sat and talked with her for a bit. Usually we’d stay longer, but she asked us to leave after being there for only 10 minutes. We think for the past few weeks as sick as she was, she was trying to be strong for us. She’d make jokes and we would see signs the ‘old mom’. And we know that she was doing that for us. She needs to know that we’re going to be okay.

I talked to a friend a few weeks ago that volunteers at a hospice in Sarnia. The last thing she said to me was..when it’s close the end, tell them that it’s okay to go….

Another tough day.

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(04/28/07 8:04 AM)

Mom’s been having a couple of good days. They had to put the chest tubes back in order to drain the fluid and took off 4 litres in total. Her breathing is a lot better because of the chest tubes. The right lung seems to be filling up more than the left, so in a few days they’re going to insert a smaller permanent chest tube. Her colour is better, too. They started with the chemo a couple of days ago. She’s had no nausea and she has had more of an appetite because of the steroids. She polished off a plate of Chinese food the other day and had half a Tangelo for dessert. Her nights have been good, as well. They have her up on the oncology floor and she really likes her private room and has nothing but good things to say about the nurses there.

She has seven brothers and sisters, so we’re going to take the video cam around and record messages and then bring them up to the hospital and play them on my brother’s portable DVD player. She really liked that idea when we mentioned it to her.

Last night, my sister and I were up and we did ‘footie’ (foot massage with Body Shop Body Butter) each massaging a foot and we asked her who was doing a better job, :lol . We talked about what was going on with the family and had a few good laughs.. it was nice.

We’re going back up to the hospital shortly. Hopefully we’ll have another good day with Mom.

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(05/01/07 10:02 AM)

Morning all. The past 4 days have been quite good for Mom. They took the left chest tube out, so now she is able to lay on her left side. She’s still drinking lots, although, she told my Dad to bring her in a glass from home because the water in the styrofoam cups ‘taste funny’ (probably due to the chemo). She also wants Canada Dry Gingerale, as she doesn’t care for the brand that they serve at the hosptial. She’s had a bit of nausea the last couple of days because of the chemo, so they have been giving her something for that. She had the girl from physio come in to work on her arms and legs and she said that she felt much better after having done the excercises. Her blood pressure is low due to the fluid drainage, so they weren’t able to get her to sit up in a chair. Yesterday, in her room, when she said that might like a Tim Horton’s Ice Cappacino about 4 of us flew out the door to rush downstairs to the cafeteria to get her one, lol. She said to us all that she ‘has a plan’. Eat a little more each day, drink lots of fluid, watch her diabetes, and continue with the physio to build up her strength. She’s so very positive right now. She wants to get better! She said that when she’s able to come home, she is going to ‘put on a big do’ for all her family and friends—have the food catered and free beverages. She’s excited about having her brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews make up little videos for her to see. She told us that she was going to get my brother, Guy to do her make-up for her for the videos, but she is worried that he’ll make her look like Bette Davis, lol.

The cd I made for her wasnt’ a hit, lol. She did like it, but wants something a little more uplifting. So, I downloaded a bunch of Broadway tunes. Stuff from Wicked, Titanic, Sweeney Todd. Music that she’s never heard before, but stuff that I think she’d like. She’s a big broadway musical lover.

My sister’s favorite time to visit Mom is at night. She sits with her for a few hours and is there to make sure that Mom gets settled in for the night They have some good talks then. Sometimes, my sister brings up her four year old, Maddie (because Maddie and Lisa are joined at the hip ;) ). Lisa asked my Mom the other night if having Maddie up there is too much. My Mom said, ‘Oh, no, I love having her here’. Maddie sits quietly and colours while Lisa chats away, and Mom watches Maddie the whole time and smiles.

We’re buying her a laptop today (we asked the nurses at the hospital and they said that it was okay), so she can keep in touch with her family. She LOVED that idea. And, Oh, my Goodness, my Aunts and Uncles have been so good about sending down food for us! There are 7 of them (Aunts), so each day one cooks a meal for my immediate family to eat. There’s TONS of food and we’ve been having to bring up of the bakegoods to the hospital for the nurses. It’s so nice, but there’s SO much of it. They just want to help out. And Mom gets to sample all of it.

So, we’ve had some really good days—compared to last week, prior to when the put the chest tubes were put back in and her breathing was awful. That’s when she got the news from the oncologist doctor about her being moved to Palliative care and not wanting to get a point to where they would have to put her on a ventilator. After the doctor had spoken to her about that, we went into the Critical Care Trauma Unit to see her..one at a time. And for each of her kids she had something to say. To my sister ‘You are the Matriach now. I want you to look after your brothers, sister and your Dad. I want you all to stay close. I’m not afraid.’. She talked about Bob Woodruff (a reporter from ABC news who suffered from head injuries after being hit while in Iraq) and how he described his neardeath experience as being ‘peaceful. She spoke to my two brothers, and then to me, the youngest. When I walked into the CCTC she said ‘My baby girl. My baby girl. You’re such a good girl. You have always been a good girl’ :( ‘Look after your older sister for me. She needs you. Help her with Maddie. You all (the family) stay close for me, okay?’ I’ll never forget those words…

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(05/28/07 8:02 AM)

I lost my beautiful, loving Mom to cancer on May 25th at 5:10 p.m.

For two days we, her 4 children, my sister-in-law and my Dad were by her side constantly. She went into a coma the last few days. She awoke once, on the first day, and smiled at my one Aunt who was standing in front of her, then back into a coma.

The one night in London when we were up all night with her, and she couldn’t breathe because of six litres of fluid pressing on her diaphragm, and this past week were the hardest times for me. The last few days I caught myself rocking back and forth while standing at the foot of her bed, and I think I was trying to comfort myself by rocking.

She told me during her last few weeks that she loved me so much, that I was strong like ‘steel’ and that I was amazing.

Sometimes I’m numb, nauseous , I’ve burst into tears, I’m p*ssed off at the cancer, and I’m exhausted. It hasn’t fully set in that she’s gone, though. And, right now I have to be there for my Dad. I haven’t released, yet, but, I’m sure I will in the next couple of days.

daytonamisticrip's avatar

I recently lost my cat. She was the sweetest little thing. She owned me for 3 years. She disappeared on june 17th and just a few days ago my neighbors told me that she hangs out in their yard and occasionally comes around my house. I saw her a couple weeks ago and she ran from me but according to my neighbors she doesn’t run away from them. It makes me wonder if I hurt her and repressed the memory or something. To this day I still cry about it and is the only thing I’ve genuinely felt sad about in years. The worst and hardest thought for me is that she might be hurt and need help and I’m not there for her.

KhiaKarma's avatar

I grew up with my grandparents and they were the only real caretakers I knew. They gave up their retirement in order to instill values and help me grow. I miss them terribly, and actually I drew the picture I use on here as an expression of my grief through oil pastels. I feel empty at times without them and sometimes will just start bawling if triggered. It’s really strange sometimes what will set me off. Grief comes for me in waves, but the void is always present. I can’t read what was written before me right now, but am glad that there is a place to talk about it. I will return when I feel stronger. Hugs to you all….

NinjaBiscuit's avatar

I lost my dad back in ‘99 when I was 13 years old. It wasn’t something we were prepared for, nor did we ever see it coming. One day out of the blue a bump had formed on his forehead. It wasn’t painful, and my dad would play around and say my mom hit him with a frying pan. He went to the doctor and he said not to worry. It was a sist and it would go away on its own. His health wasn’t the greatest (he didn’t take care of himself very well) so they put him on a heart monitor because there were some oddities they wanted to watch over.

Several days later after the diagnosis my dad came home from his night shift of working at the radio station. (he was a dj) I remember just barely waking up before my alarm went off for school and hearing my dad complaining of a horrible migrane. I get up, get ready, and remember seeing my dad sitting on the couch, holding his head in his hands. My mom was worried, and asked if he wanted to go to the doctor. A few minutes passed and I remember my mom calling my dad in that worried voice of hers. The voice she used when something was horribly wrong. I go back in the living room, and daddy was complaining that his right side was going numb, and he couldn’t see out of his right eye. Starting to panic as my dad became less and less coherent, I ran to get the phone. I knew we had to dial 911. My mom grabbed the phone from me and called an ambulance. For some reason our neighbor from across the street came over (I don’t know how he knew something was up, I’ll have to ask my mom that) to help my dad get dressed since he couldn’t on his own.

I heard the sirens, so I went outside to flag them down. By then my dad couldn’t see at all and was almost completely unresponsive. The paramedics came in and got him on the stretcher. He then starting losing control of his bodily functions and they rushed him off. He went into a coma in the ambulance on the way.

Three days after being in the ICU, the doctors said he had cancer in several places in his body, and was too late to do anything. If he were to wake up, which was unlikely, he would be a vegetable for the rest of his life. Six days total of watching his brain monitor read higher and higher in pressure and three strokes happen did a number on my mom, sister and I. Other family all came in for support and to help us.

I remember sitting there, holding my dad’s hand which was really cold one of the evenings, when I was allowed to go back there. I covered his cold arms with the thin blanket they had on him and still held on to his hand tight. I told him how I wanted him to teach me how to drive, and to be there to scare guys off with his gun when they came over to take me on a date. I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to stay with us. To wake up and come home.

Finally, my mom wouldn’t have my dad go through this any longer. She knew my dad didn’t want that kind of existence. After six days in the hospital, she had the life support pulled to end his suffering.

My little sister and I were without a dad. My mom without a husband and supporter. It seemed so dark and lonely those days.

That man.. that wonderful, big hearted man whom I was lucky to have for a dad was ripped away too soon. Many of my friends didn’t have good father figures (or didn’t at all) in their life, and he filled that role for them. He was loved and looked up to by many. He was the only one who understood my artistic way of thinking and dealing with things, for he was the same way. After he was gone, I was officially the black sheep of the family. I love my mom and my sister, but they were very left brained, un artsy people while the only one who understood me, the right brain type B personality, was gone.

Even though it’s almost 12 years later, I’m in tears as I write this. My friends, whom were so deeply attached to him as a father figure, still talk about him and get teary eyed along side me as we reminisce.

faye's avatar

I lost a friend about 3 years ago- Dale. He was the greatist man to talk to. He lived close to me and I drive by his apartment every time I go to the store. So many times I think that Dale would love this story, incident, etc. He also had the best belly laugh and the best low down rumble chuckle. I miss him.

iLove's avatar

I’ll never forget the day I met David. He was a resident at the complex where I was a property manager. When he walked into the clubhouse that day, he commanded the attention of everyone in the room and delighted everyone with his presence. He was wacky, outspoken, and outrageous. I loved him immediately. I went out on a couple of dates with him but realized this love could not suffer the boundaries of a romantic relationship. He became my brother in soul.

We lived in this community for over 5 years. We had parties. We survived really bad Florida hurricane seasons together in his apartment, or in mine, surrounded by the cast of life characters he would intertwine into each others lives. At some point, our family tree pointed to the possibility that we may share some lineage and we began to call each other “cuz”.

He was the smartest crazy person I knew. He worked for NASA and was involved in Cryonics, and is famously quoted in Sports Illustrated regarding the Ted Williams incident. He welcomed my boyfriend (and later husband) like a brother. He was unabashedly open about life, love, sex and drugs.

There are so many good times I recall that start with… “remember that time we were with David at…”

He owned a townhouse that he could not longer afford and only wanted to sell it to me and my family. He took a $250k loss on the damn thing, but was happy to sell it to someone he cared for. We fought a lot over the sale – short sales are a bitch. I was scared to tell him that I was leaving my husband, and yet still let him purchase the house.

I avoided him for some time before telling him… but of course, he wanted me to be happy only and the home was still going to his “family”

On February 12 of this year, we met for drinks to reconcile after the fighting over the sale and for me to tell him about the new love of my life. It was surreal this meeting, so many of those memorable moments of his thrown into one happy hour. We laughed, we talked, we drank, he told me he loved me like a sister. He also told me he was happy I had found love, yet threw in very humbly, “I should have never let you get away”

2 days later, he died. I was having brunch on Valentine’s Day when I got the news. David’s girlfriend called and told me he had died from a heart attack, at age 44.

I was understandably a mess, and in retrospect it seemed as if two days prior he was saying goodbye, and everything was ok. We shared Native American ancestry, so it was fitting that he had a traditional Native American celebration of life instead of a funeral. His girlfriend called me a couple of days before the ceremony and told me how he was so happy to have seen me that last day, and she wanted me to participate in speaking about how he enjoyed life.

I met his mother, whom I had never met before and she said she felt like she knew me. She had heard so much about me. I had no idea.

Every time I think of him, there is always some funny “David-ism” or story that accompanies it. His light shone so brightly while he was with us, and still lights up my face when I think of him. RIP my brother.

YARNLADY's avatar

If you want to read my story, see this a fraction of this part of my life. I lost my second husband to cancer. I could, and will, write an entire book of the adventures of your very own yarnlady.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I was going to answer this question myself, and I stared at the page for a long time after I read all the posts, but – I can’t do it. I just wanted everyone to know that I appreciate it. @wundayatta for asking it, and at everyone else for answering. GAs – as insignificant as they are – to everyone who answered…

iLove's avatar

@DrasticDreamer – GAs are not insignificant :) thank you.

janbb's avatar

@DrasticDreamer Some of us remember your loss. I, too, cannot write right now of some of my losses but I appreciate reading the stories.

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