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Jude's avatar

Does this mean that I'm ready to move on from grief?

Asked by Jude (31993 points ) July 21st, 2010

I lost my Mom to cancer three years ago. I had a rough three years and I still miss her dearly. But, there are a few things now that I’m thinking that I would like to “tackle”. One being music. Actually, it’s listening to a CD that we played for her when she was dying. We played it over and over the last two days of her life when she was in a coma. I haven’t been able to listen to any of the songs from that CD. Now, I’m wondering if I should try. Maybe, it’ll help with the moving on. I wonder how it will make me feel..

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23 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

To me it sounds extremely hopeful, and I am a great believer in following the voice within.

Jude's avatar

I’m choking up now thinking about. But, I do think that it’s time.

Cruiser's avatar

Only one way to find out. I think it will be a special moment and yes sad…but I believe you will enjoy the reconnection to those last days your mom was alive. Sorry for your loss. ((Hug))

poofandmook's avatar

@jjmah: It takes a long time to revisit simple things that remind you of a tragic time in your life. I can’t tell you how long it took before I could watch The Princess Bride again.

curlyz's avatar

Sorry to hear about your loss. I think it will make you feel better. It helped me when my grandma died. I was able to let it go.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

You could always try and if it’s too much,do it some other time :)

tinyfaery's avatar

Okay, great. Make me cry.

Jude's avatar

@tinyfaery I’m sorry, girl.

Austinlad's avatar

I’m sorry for your loss, @jjmah. I do think, based on the details of your question, that you are moving into a new, more positive phase. There’s no set schedule for moving past grief, but after three years, I would think the time has come. You will probably have relapses and there will always be a sad place in your heart. But life will get better now when you have new pursuits and pleasures in your life to focus on. Good luck !!!

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m better now.

I’m finding that my grief comes in waves. I’m not sure it will ever be completely over.

Go out there and do anything you want to. That’s what living is for. At least that’s what they tell me.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

@jjmah…......

When my father died…the music we played was this amazing CD called “Angels” by the Children’s Choir of El Bosque. There is this song on there that was played a lot and at his funeral…it is called “Nirvana”. I looked for it after seeing your posting…and found it…and I had a big old cry. It’s been 12 years since his death. I thought I could listen to it without tears….as I have listened to it over the years. but I guess not. So, healing goes in steps and takes time.

Listen to the music that your mother heard…get a box of Kleenex….and if you cry it’s okay. It’s good to let it go. It may take you awhile to listen without feeling sad, but it’s all okay.

Here is the beautiful song I was talking about…I found a video of it…quite lovely:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o10oUIUOT1M&feature=related

(This is actually a re-mix with some pop thrown in——not the original—can’t find the original which was just the children. Apologies for that.)

Sending you lots of support….DR and the Jellies

And thank you for getting me to dig up this music…and help my healing, too.

Jude's avatar

You all have been a lot of help these passed three years. You’ve allowed me to open up and share my feelings. Thanks, jellies.

Jude's avatar

@tinyfaery I’m here for you anytime. (Keep in touch, you!!)

Jude's avatar

I’m doing it. It’s making me feel closer to her.

Kayak8's avatar

This one may certainly test you in many ways (some you expected and others that are surprises). Courage my friend . . .

jazmina88's avatar

You’re a sweet soul @jjmah. <3

KhiaKarma's avatar

Sometimes it’s the little (but sometimes hardest) steps that we take that make the biggest difference. It sounds like you are trying to find a way to feel close, but in the past it was just too raw. Glad that you are feeling good about it! The grief won’t go away, but being able to smile rather than tear up at the thought of her will increase.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

If you play the music CD then be with people you love and you’ll be comfortable sharing your tears with, little by little it’ll feel more good than heartwrenching when you let yourself cry and cherish your mom.

whatthefluther's avatar

Do listen.
Remember the loss and cry.
Celebrate the life and smile.
It is all good. It is progress.
Yes, you are moving on with your life.
But no, do not worry, you will never forget.
She is in your heart.
And forever will be.

Sending you lots of lurve…..Gary/wtf

aprilsimnel's avatar

I hope the experience brought you what you needed, @jjmah. Peace be with you.

Jude's avatar

@aprilsimnel It has.

Time for a new phase. Like Gary said, she’ll always be in my heart.

Thank you

augustlan's avatar

I’m so proud of all of you, I’m tearing up myself. {hugs}

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