How can I improve this story with some new words?

I don’t have time to re-write your intro, but…‘ourself’ should be changed to ‘ourselves’ and, well…jeez…just no time here.

I am sure you will get the guidance you seek on this editing ‘journey.’ lol

Best wishes!

Here it is with minimal editing.

“When the journey begins on a Y-shaped path, we feel that the journey will be a great journey ahead, but when we come to the point of bifurcation, we get confused and ask a question of ourself: where should we go. Eventually, we select a path and move on with it. Then, at a further point, we suddenly realize we should have chosen the other path. But the time to change is already gone. Finally, we must accept that we have failed to choose the right way. What if we had chosen another path? Maybe it would have been a great journey.”

@Coloma : Talking in a sarcastic manner. Umm.. lol

I can help you, but I’d like to know why you’re asking this question first. I mean, if this is your homework, my suggestion is to do it yourself otherwise you’ll never learn the lesson. You know? There are a lot of grammatical problems in there.

@nicobanks : It’s not a homework. I thought it would be better to try to clear the doubts in an immediate way & Fluther has always been helping me. Understood? If you had helped me, it would have been better

When our journey begins we are on a path leading toward a “Y” shaped break in the road. We know that there is, potentially, a great journey ahead, but when we reach the point of bifurcation, we become confused and ask ourselves, ” Which path should we choose?” We eventually choose a path and move forward, leaving the other route behind. Further down the road on our journey, we realize that we should have taken the other path, but the time for that decision has already passed. At this point, we must accept the fact that we have chosen the wrong path. But we cannot help but wonder if choosing the other path would have given us a the potential for a greater journey.

The story has been written. It’s a great popular poem by Robert Frost:

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

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So maybe you can use that for inspiration, ideas, whatever—and keep in mind that the road you take, that any traveler takes, can be as good as you make it, even if unexpected. Now you need to write your story.

@CyanoticWasp your post showed up while I was typing it!

And Yogi Berra’s take on the same theme “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

@CyanoticWasp
@Kardamom
@zenvelo : Thanks a lot!

@lessonenglish Better for you, maybe, but not for me, and potentially not even for you! Which is why I asked for your reasoning. I’ll compose my answer now.

First, consider what you want to say and then say it clearly in as few words as possible. That is my advice.

Here’s the problems with it:

- “Y shaped path” should be “Y-shaped path” because it is a compound adjective. (A good test for identifying compound adjectives is to see if the words work separately. Does a “Y path” make sense? Does a “shaped path” make sense? No, so it must be a compound adjective: a “Y-shaped path.”)

- You use “journey” three times in quick succession. This is not so much a grammar error as bad style. When you find yourself repeating the same word, try to replace it with a synonym or a pronoun (like “it”).

- “Bifurcation” – that’s a very unusual, technical-sounding word. It sticks out like a sore thumb. As a matter of consistency and smoothness (good style), you should use a word that fits in better with the others – a word more on-par with the rest of your paragraph.

- When you’re writing a paragraph you should spell the word “and” out in letters, not use the ampersand (&). The ampersand is good for signs, tweets, letters passed to a friend in class, and other informal writings – not a paragraph/narrative.

- “Ourself” is not really a word. I mean, it is a word – it’s in the dictionary – but it’s only for cases where the “royal we” applies. It’s doubtful you’ll ever have to use this word. You should use the word “myself” when you’re talking about you, and “ourselves” when you’re talking about us. (In this paragraph, you’re talking about us – “we” – so you should use “ourselves.”)

- “Where should we go” – this is phrased like a quotation, but there are no quotation marks. Either use quotation marks, or rephrase: not “where should we” but “where we should.”

- You shouldn’t start a sentence with the word “but.” There is one exception (which does not apply to your usage): when you use “but” as you would the word “except,” as in “But for my next-door neighbour, everyone on my street loves cats.”

- An ellipses is composed of three dots (...) with no spaces between.

- You ask a question (“What if we had chosen another path”), but there’s no question mark and it’s in the middle of a sentence that isn’t a question.

- Your sentences are not constructed properly and you have not used commas properly. You may want to do your own research on how to use a comma and what, exactly, constitutes a sentence. (Consider comma splices, run-on sentences, and sentence fragments, for instance.)

Here’s my re-write:

When we begin a journey on a Y-shaped path, we feel that great things lie ahead; but, when we come to the split in the path, we feel uncertain, and we ask ourselves which way to go. Eventually, we select one way and move on with it, but at a later point in our journey we suddenly realize that we made the wrong selection. It is too late: we must accept that we have failed to choose the right way. What if we had chosen the other path? It may have yielded a greater journey.

There’s still two problems with this paragraph:

- You’re straddling certainly and uncertainty. On one hand, you say that we realize we’ve made a mistake, and must accept our failure; on the other hand, you say “maybe” the other path would have been better. Which is it? Certain or uncertain? (Personally, I don’t think how it can be certain. I think you should use more “maybes” and “perhapses.”)

- You keep going after you’ve wrapped everything up. You say that the time is gone and we must accept our failure. This should be the end of it, it concludes the story; instead you keep going on to question what happened. This leaves everything up in the air and it messes with the previous statements.

My final word:

When we begin a journey on a Y-shaped path, we feel that great things lie ahead; but, when we come to the split in the path, we feel uncertain, and we ask ourselves which way to go. Eventually, we select one way and move on with it, but at a later point in our journey we may suddenly come to fear that we have made the wrong selection. What if we had chosen the other path? It may have yielded a greater journey! However, it is too late: we must accept that the time for choice is gone, and that we may have failed to choose the right way.

And, actually the Y is 3 forks, if you wish to include the option of turning back on the original path. Just to confound you but of course. lol

Excellent editing notes, @nicobanks. Just great.

@nicobanks : Mmm! You are simply awesome. Great explanation indeed!

@Austinlad @blinkErri Thank you :)

@nicobanks : Finally you have given the explanation. Thanks a lot! I was wrong as usual

You’re welcome. So, what was this paragraph for? Why did you write it?